Hope?

So my CD 10 ultrasound wasnt so exciting. I had 2 follicles, on eon each side, both measuring 12mm. Last time i had 2 also but were much bigger at 24mm and 17mm. My e2 was also only 76 (343 last time). So i go back Monday for another u/s to make sure these follies keep growing. I def wont be O'ing on CD 13 though. Im guessing more like 16ish. We'll see. Also my stripe was only 5.7, which is pretty sucky but it has time to thicken so im hopeful monday will bring better results. If this month doesnt work out im going to ask to go on Follistim next cycle.

So tonight at work (im a postpartum nurse....yes one of the worst professions while going through this hell but i seriously love my job - most days). So anyway, i had a pt who had twins after 6 miscarriages and doing IVF/pgd..it took her 5 cycles to get these babies. She also had a son the same age as jack and had a ectopic where to lost her right tube, just like me...crazy! But talking to her tonight gave me hope. I know my own story gives me hope too but sometimes its nice to know your not alone.

For the first time in months ive felt like this may actually happen again! :)

Day 1

Day 1 ....i think im becoming a very agitated RPL'er....about time right?

Im sick of day 1's.. and 3's and 10-14's and day 21's and days 10-14dpo. Im hating them all because they are my countdown and everyday i have to know what "DAY" it is. And as long as i have to know the DAY then that means im still stuck in this HELL!

Im becoming SO. OVER. IT!

I wrote to the SIRM message boards this week to see what their opinion is. And they think i need to test for Natural killer cell activitiy and DQ alpha antigen (basically saying pete and I's DNA are too "alike" and my body doesnt "get it" that it s a baby)...So should i spend hundreds of dollars to get these tests done? IDK. If they come up negative ill go on intralipids to help suppress my immune system but if this IS my problem HOW DID I HAVE JACK?! UG!!! Plus i really dont want to do IVF again but they only like to do IVF in conjuntion with treatment since you know your putting in healthy babes (yes id do PGD again)....BUT this is a out of network faciltiy which means id have to pay 80% of the IVF and the PGD wont be covered at all most likely. So thats WAY too much money on a gamble.

Plus im on the prednisone now and that supresses the immune system. I feel like i need to give this treatment plan a "go" before i move onto experimental treatments.

This is what is in my head these days...

How many does it take?

I must have taken 10 tests in 2 days and all are negative!! GRRR.

I was really hoping this was going to work on the first try on our own. My period is due tomorrow so in 2 weeks or so we'll just try again.

TRY AGAIN.

UG! Ive been really scared that this is just not going to happen. I try to talk to Pete about it and tell him my concerns that we may just NOT have a 2nd baby...and it makes me really sad :( But he is still positive. I just dont get how i did this just 2 years ago and my body is just not getting the memo.

I know i have a good life and that makes me feel stupid for wanting this but, its always been my dream to be a mom. Everytime Jack hugs me or says "i Lub you" i melt and im so sad this may be my only time i get to enjoy this with a little one. I know im lucky to even experience this. But i always wanted a big family.

I just want this to happen.

A Negative Test at 11dpo

Im so mad at myself that i tested this early because i know full well i could still be pregnant but no, ive been kinda mopey all day b/c of it. Hoping tomorrow i get a good 2nd line.

I havent tested this early since trying on my own 5 years ago. With all my IVF cycles i waited until day of beta. STUPID STUPID.

I have some symptoms...My nipples are going crazy with mong. tubucles (which is usually my tip-off), im extremely bloated, super hungry after i just ate and unbearably cranky.

Hoping this negative test is nonsense!!

The jist so far.

So im currently 7dpo which means a little baby should be implanting right about now. It's weird not to be couped up on the couch and enjoying a fabulous 4th of july weekend! I also missed no work due to IVF and between me and you, being able to "try" with my hubby was quite nice! :)

As far as symptoms, who really knows, nothing too crazy...just the normal twinches and pains.

All the shots have been fine.

I got my prog checked today 49.10! Thats the best ive ever had! My ovaries obviously like me better when i O on my own!! So i started 5mg Prednisone today. Im hoping that makes all the difference in the world!