Rollarcoaster ride.

UG! So we went in for my u/s this afternoon and we saw the 3 sacs right away. The yolk sac is still in baby A and B and C are empty and looked "small". She didnt sem to give those 2 much hope. She spent alot of time on sac A and measuring it but i could tell she wasnt very hopeful.

Im only 5w1d so she said she wants to give it another couple days and see what happens. MY beta was only 53. I do feel crampy today so who knows. But it wasnt very promising AT ALL.

So we talked alittle bit about a plan. Im done with IVF. I cant do it anymore esp if im getting the same results with the IVF. So Pete and i are just going to have fun and let nature take its course. Ill get a HSG just to check my other tube and then stay on the Baby asprin and go on Progesterone supplements to be safe. MIGHT do clomid but not sure.

Im very sad but i know it will work again at some point. I need to live my life and not let this be such a big part of it.

Wasnt expecting this!!

Ok so i got the call today that my beta dropped to 103 and was told to stop all meds. The nurse asked how i was feeling and i told her i was really dizzy (which ive had for a good 4 days), and i had some slight shoulder pain which i knew was just muscular. She told me i needed to go to the hospital and have a quick u/s to make sure it wasnt another ectopic....UG!

Thankfully i had my mom with me and Tracey took Jack. We get to the hospital and they do the ultrasound and the tech is seriously in my vagina for 45 minutes! I could tell she was looking at something very intently. It was driving me CRAZY. I tried and tried to ask her what she was seeing but, no response. I was even trying to look in her glasses to see the reflection of the screen, lol.
My legs started shaking so my mom came over and held one of the them. And she said i see black holes and i told her its probably my follicles on my ovaries....well after the tech was done i pee'd and came back in. I saw on the screen:

Baby A 4w6d
baby B 4w5d
baby c...i dont know i was in shock!

I said to my mom (and pete, he came in the last 5 minutes). "Why does it say baby a,b,c ?!" and my mom said "she kept going back to FETUS C".....WHAT?!? So we all sat there for 10 or so minutes trying to figure out what is going on. The tech came back in and said to get dressed and shes calling the ER....the ER?!? WHY!? So i thought i had another ectopic and i was going to get the tube out. The next thing i know the radiologist comes in and gives me Dr. P's private cell number and tells me to call her as soon as i get reception...ummm ok.

So we walk outside and i put her on speakerphone and she says:

"well torri, they found 3 sacs in your uterus all measuring 2 days within gestational age!" "One even has a yolk sac in it." "Your betas must be so high they are not reading correctly" "Im going to call the lab and get them redrawn..."

Ok so mind you my beta number is only 103! NOTHING should be seen on ultrasound nevermind 3 sacs!!!

Im a freaking mystery!

I go back wed for another beta level and an ultrasound at 1:30 and im trying like heck to find someone to work for me.

I am in SHOCK!

Lost...

Lonely, defeated, scared, upset, mad, pissed, hopeful...hopeless,confused, guilty, let-down...

I could go on but im sure you get the idea. I. am. so. sad.

WHY? Im so confused. How did this work with Jack and not now?

Thank GOD for Jack. Seriously.

I just want to get away from all this, away for a few days, clear my head feel happiness and strength...so i can do this again.

AGAIN...UG! Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit, but not having a second babe makes me so sad. Im a GOOD MOM. I deserve babies, a whole bunch of them. I do not feel complete.

So what do i do? My only option is to keep trying. Adoption, Surrocacy...options but not covered by insurance...

Im sad. So very sad :(

7

Number only went up to 148...

loss #7...

going monday to check to see whats happening.

I dont know how much more i can take :**(

OneHundredTwentyOne

121!!

I was going to be happy with anything over 100, so im happy. I go back friday for another draw and hoping it doubled.

PLEASE KEEP GROWING BABY!!! :)

I took a digital this morning at 545 after a very fitful nights rest. I went downstairs and told pete i was super nervous so he came up and sat next to me while i pee'd on the stick. We both watched the hourglass blink and within 45 seconds it said PREGNANT. My heart was beating so fast i had to sit down and take deep breathes.

One hurdle down, a whole bunch to go...hopfully about 33 weeks worth :)

Tomorrow is the day!

and i havent cheated!!

Period is due today, nothing, but im on the prog so thats probably why.

So lets see if i can remember my symptoms

Sunday 7dp5dt - not as bloated but def felt nausea at work...cramping was minimal, very gassy (burpy)...i feel gross after i eat.

Monday - same, bloated, on off bobby pains, tired..took afternoon nap

Tuesday - right and left sided ligament pulls, super nausea, booby pains

Pete bought a digital test a few days ago, so ill be taking that tomorrow morning before my beta...just ike i did with Jack.

Starting to get nervous that this didnt work...

FINGERS CROSSED!!

6dp5dt..and Jack :)

So im so bloated i look like im 5 months preggo. I dont know if its OHSS or the progesterone. All i know is im uncomfortable. I can breathe just fine so i know if it is OHSS its not severe. My "cramping" has been minimal the last fwe days, last night i felt some burning in my uterus, which was odd. My bbs are also the same....heres some TMI (but this is my dairy and i need to document everything)..my nips seem darker and my Montgomery tuberclues are bigger...i analyze everything lol. My shoulder hurts (again and this is irritating me cause i hope it doesnt meaan the pregnancy is in the tube.) My smell also seems a bit stronger.

Jack...
He had his 2 1/2 yr appt last week. He is now 27.6 pounds and 35 inches (both 25th percentile). He talking like crazy now. This past week everyday he is saying like 3 new words a day. He will repeat everything we say, which is so fun to watch. He even says "i love you" now! We started potty training about a week ago and he is doing very well. We've def had some accidents but for the most part i go through 1 maybe 2 pull ups a day. We went to the circus yesterday an he flipped out!! I think it was way too much stimulation for the little guybut i bought him a pop an he was fine after that (of course lol). We've also tried the Drive-Ins to see "how to train a dragon" which he was so excited about but by the time the movie started it was his bedtime and he just kept saying "i want to go hooomme!"...He is super into dinosaurs and dragons. He is sucha love and i cant imagine my life with this little guy!!

The update..(4dp5t)

Yesterday i felt some good cramping while at work and my bbs are not constantly sore but ill get waves of soreness...my bbs never really hurt with jack either.

Today same thing about the boobs and some slight twinching...sometimes is more like a period like crampiness...like it deep inside and im about to start a flow any second which is associate with a slight ache in my back.

Im exhausted today but that could be from the progesterone and the fact i just worked 2 days in a row and my kid has ecided not to sleep anymore.

Also had some nausea today...who knows...

FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Nothing really happening..

Ok i know its only been 3 days since my transfer but i think implanatation should have happened yesterday...so im hoping ill start feeling something...soon.

Im def. bloated, i got some booby pains but nothing major and im concentrating so hard on my uterus i dont know if the slight twinges are actually my imagination. Yesterday i had a pretty queasy belly but i think its too soon for that to be a "real" symptom.

UG!! Please let this work.

On a good note my Progesterone was actually high enough at 36.6!

FINGERS CROSSED!!!

and the obsession begins...

OK ive said before im superstitious about verbalizing my symptoms and how im feeling out loud and i use this blog as my outlet.

So the transfer was yesterday and on the way to drop Jack off at my moms', the poor things threw up all over himself and Petes car :( We had to pull over on the side of the road and do a full out wardrobe change in the rain! Jack seemed fine and was singing "rwan rwan go a way" lol. He was fine the rest of the day.

Anyways we get there and we wait for a good half hour and i seriously thought my bladder was going to burst, i could literally feel my bladder pulsate it was so full (and i even emptied a bit 3 times). The girl next to us fianlly came out of the transfer room and i heard her say she felt the valium kick in, so i knew she had a tough time, poor thing. I dont care about the transfer the egg retrieval is much more stressful for me since it entails an IV.

So i go into the room and Dr. B was there (he did my transfer in oct.) I knew he was going to say negative things about my embryos and he did. My hatching blast looked "excellent" but my blast "wasnt great" and my 3rd was "just a morula". But i dont care. My last transfer was of 2 "excellent" hatching blasts and it didnt work so what going to stick is going to stick no matter what.

It was the fastest tranfer. ever. I layed down the put the catheter right in, grabbed the embryos, checked my name and DOB, pointed to the screen and in they went. It took maybe 2 minutes.

I rested that whole day and even took a good 2 hour nap - which was needed since Jack was up all night with nightmares ( i know, poor thing!). I def felt crampy the day of the transfer. I also felt pretty calm. Ive accpeted i cant control this...whats gonna be is gonna be and theres nothing i can do but keep trying. I guess im numb to it.

Today i lounged until 3pm. Then took a shower and went up to get Jack. Cooked dinner and tried to take it easy for the remainder of the night. Tomorrow is my prog check an im hoping its in the normal range since im on 2cc of Prog. And then im back to work...UG!

Today my bbs felt somewhat heavy and sore...but that could be the Prog. Im still feeling some crampiness but nothing too noticeable.

Its gonna be a long 8 days...

Now we wait...

About 5 hours ago i became pregnant (until proven otherwise) with triplets GIRLS!!!

Dr. P called me this morning to tell me we were going to transfer:

1 hatching blast,

a blast (which i guess didnt look "great")

and a morula.

The 4th one (the boy) was also a morula. They are going to reevaluate the boy tomorrow and if it makes it to a blast they are going to freeze him.

So it wasnt an A+ transfer but my last one was and we know how that ended...

Im hopeful and staying positive. :)

Surreal!

I have done 5 cycles of IVF/PGD and the most "healthy" i have ever had was 2.

well today i got the call that i have:

FOUR!!!

I.am.in.shock.

And another crazy tid-bit is out of all my healthy embryos i have had one healthy girl and six boys...

Today i have:

3 GIRLS and 1 boy! NUTS!

So the plan is to transfer the 3 best ones. Dr. P is going to call me in the a.m. and let me know how they look and the genders around 8am. Transfer time is 950am.

Dr. P called me at 5pm and when she told me i had four my first reaction was "what am i going to do with 4?!?" lol


FINGERS CROSSED!!!!

Day 3 report

All 10 were PGD'd

today they should be 4-8 cells

i have:

4 ..8 cell
2 .. 7 cell
2 ..6 cell
1 .. 5 cell
1 .. 4 cell

Should get the PGD report tomorrow afternoon sometime...

FINGERS CROSSED!!

Day 2 report

We have 10 growing!!

9 4 cells
1 3 cells

I call tomorrow to see how many made it to PGD testing....2 more days of holding my breathe!

Fertilization Report

So out of the 20 eggs retrieved...

15 were mature!! and..

11 FERTILIZED!

This is the best we have ever gotten. I call tomorrow to see how well they are growing.

Still hoping for 3 to be healthy....yes we are going the PGD.

FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Egg Retrieval

It wasnt so bad...

We got there at 7am and i got called in about 720. They went through the admit stuff, Dr. F looked me over and anesthia. I got my Valium and looked at the clock very impatently for 20 minutes while they did the first ER. The Valium def helped relax me and the wrapped my arms up in warm towels. When it was time for the IV she got in on the first try (YAY!). She also gave me Zofran (anti nausea med) so i would puke on the way home (which worked). So all in all everything went well.

Really well since i got 20 EGGS!!! I couldnt believe it! Im super psyched and hoping i have 10-12 embryos make it to the growing stages and hopefully get 3 normals! I call tomorrow at 2 to find out the progress.

FINGERS CROSSED!!!!

Got my wish!

My e2 came back 2017 so they let me trigger last night at 815pm. I go in at 7:00am tomorrow. With 19 measurable follicles im hoping for a good 12 eggs.

Dr. P wont be able to do my surgery but hopefully she can do my transfer.

Jack will be at my moms for a few days so i can heal. Im gonna miss him like crazy!!

Enough already!

Still about 26 follicles (they didnt give me the less then 12 number) but all 19 are still measuring and i have 16 mature (the other 3 are 12, 13.5, and a 14.5). My doc doesnt want to trigger until i get to day 10 (today) or lead follicle of 22 (im at a 21). I requested to trigger tonight since i dont want to develop OHSS again or overcook these eggs!

waiting and seeing...

u/s#3

WOW - 26 follicles, 19 measurable, 11 mature! E2 is 1557.

This is the most ive ever gotten out of these ovaries! I have 10 on my right and 9 on my left (measurable) curious as to what happens tomorrow. My biggest is a 20.5, im pretty sure ill be at a 22 by tomorrow and we will trigger!

Hoping for three healthy!

u/s#2

My ovaries have been busy! I have 21 follicles, 13 measurable, with 4 mature. My biggest one is a 16 with 3 others btw 15 and 15.5. It seems the are all growing together which is good.

My E2 was 787 which is the higher then the previous 2 cycles.

Going back tomorrow am for another check.

FINGERS CROSSED!!