Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Beta #2

I went to see dreamgirls with my mom today to make the waiting a tad more bearable. The movie was good but i couldnt concentrate! Pete called my cell to tell me the nurse just called. My beta is 490. Thats a doubling time of 51 hours (it needs to double every 48-72 hours).

Now im sitting here nervous as all hell b/c it didnt double in 48 hours. Yes, im crazy, but after everything ive been through, im SO scared!!

The message boards im a part of have been a LIFESAVER. There are some wonderful women who are helping ease my fears.

One day at a time....

My u/s is Valentines Day (ill be 6w4d) im hoping we see a heartbeat and that everything looks perfect. I am going back for another beta next wednesday (apparently just for torture!)

Thanks for all the well-wishes!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

OHMIGOD!!!

You guessed it.....IM PREGNANT!!!!!!

I am BEYOND thrilled. I know for a fact i got a LONG way to go but im SO HAPPY!!

So heres how it went down:

Saturday night i was having a mental breakdown and NEEDED to know. So pete went out and bought a digital test b/c he hates the whole "is that a line?" saga.

I wake up on sunday (now im a day late) and i chicken out! I figure i have 2 more days of shots i need to take one way or the other and im gonna be so PISSED if i have to do the PIO and not be pregnant. So i wait...

Monday morning comes (beta day). Im still too scared but if it was going to be negative i wanted to know. So pete shoots me in the bum and i walk around the house aimlessly until i get the courage to take the test. Finally, i convince myself to do it (but only b/c i was about to pee my pants!)

So its a digital and ive never taken one of those before. The little screen has a pregnancy stick flashing in it while its "reading" the results... OMG TORTURE!!! At least with the line tests you can watch the lines FORM!! So im sitting on the tiolet trying not to look, then all of a sudden the blinking stops and the word PREGNANT is in the screen.

So now im FREAKING OUT! I fumble and pull up my pants and yell/scream for pete...im running but i cant even feel my legs and i can hear my voice but it doesnt sound like myself! I find Pete down cellar and hes running up the stairs as im running down them. We stop in the middle and i shove the freshly peed on stick in his face "IT SAYS PREGNANT!!!!" and he said "I knew you were!" and i said "well I DIDNT!!!"

Now im laughing and crying all at the same time. I was(am) so overwhelmed!!! This WORKED!

So i pull myself together(kinda) and head off to providence for my beta. This was going to be the true test. All my betas have been low so i was nervous that the same thing was going to happen...again.

I got the call around 2pm and my beta was 261!!! The average beta for right now is 95! So im sitting on the phone with the nurse saying "ohmigod,ohmigod,ohmigod!!!". She trying to tell me the next steps but i cant think, i have to sit down and all i can mutter is "ohmigod!"

The next draw is wed to see if it goes up at least 60%. If it does then they will schedule my u/s.

Our family is THRILLED, but cautiously excited.

YAYAYAYAYAY!!!

Friday, January 26, 2007

Getting Close

Last Christmas i worked with 2 other girls who were trying to get pregnant. Last week i took care of one of them, she had a little girl to go perfectly with her already 18 mo. old baby boy. Last night at work the other had her baby, a little boy to go perfectly with her already 1 and 3 y.o. little girls...HUMPH!

Im happy for them, but when is it my turn? We are good people. Why cant we have kids? I know i shouldnt doubt right now, i dont know whether or not this IVF worked but i cant help but think it didnt.

That will be 8000 dollars down the drain!! ARGH!

I dont want a pity party, im just frustrated with this whole situation. The past 2 years have been really tough, i try not to think about it all but, sometimes it overwhelming. When is it our turn for something good to happen.

It may be a coping mechanism but i tell myself we dont deserve a family. Like someone else out there whose struggled harder should get it before me. But, now im getting irritated. Take away the baby from the crack head mother, or the lady with 11 kids, or the young teen whose watching nickolodeon while im checking her vital signs. Id be a good mother, let me have the baby.

I also feel like i cant give my husband what he deserves. Hed be a great father. Hes so fun-loving and patient. He deserves this. He's been so good thoughout this whole thing. Even though he remains strong for me, i know this is killing him inside. One, b/c im in pain and two, he wants a family just as much as i do.

We know it will happen, its just the matter of how and when. Im, personally, sick of waiting. Its been 1 and a half years of hurt, pain and frustration. Its been 3 m/c's and now 2 IVF's, numerous procedures and about 50 blood draws (thats not exaggerated, i counted!). Im ready for this to be over.

And i hope it is in 3 days....im ready for a new beginning!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

7dp5dt

For those who have NO CLUE what that means its 7 days past 5 day transfer...so 12 days since conception and 2 days away from my period.

So lets talk about these cramps. They only come on at night when im sleeping, they are so strong they are in my dreams and they wake me up! They are always in the same spot, like on one side of my uterus, not the whole thing...weird.

My bbs are slowly fading with the soreness. Every now and then i get a sharp pain or dull twinge or my nipples feel like they fell asleep, but they are not constantly sore. Im trying not to read to much into this.

So we are still waiting...waiting and WAITING!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Freak Out

This is my freak out from yesterday.


I think my sanity is slowly disapatting....

Yesterday my nips were ON FIRE, so much so it woke me up from a dead sleep. I took this as a very good sign and actually enjoyed feeling the pain b/c i was thinking it was from my babes saying "HI,Mom, we're in nice and tight!"

Well today i woke up from a dead sleep b/c i realized they werent tender/sore/on fire NOTHING!! So now i feel DOOMED!!!

Ive been able to pretty much hold myself together throughout this process, but now i think im going overboard. I know that symtptoms come and go but still ...IM FREAKING OUT!

Then yesterday they called me with my prog level and it was 19.7 (they like it above 20) so now im up to 2cc of PIO...i know full well its fine and prog rises and falls..blah, blah, but...yup, you guessed it IM FREAKING OUT!

Today im 5dp5dt, so im coming close and just so scared this didnt work. We dont have enough money to do another cycle right away, i know i have time on my side, but i just want a baby NOW!!

Today im feeling better. My breasts are on/off sore but no more fire nipples, the cramps are still there off and on as well, they are always in the same spot so im hoping its just the place of implanatation. Thats really it. Today im 6dp5dt so its still early. I have not POAS and i dont have any in the house. I may take one on saturday, when my period is due so i have a more accurate reading.

So im hanging in there and just praying this is it!!

Monday, January 22, 2007

One week left...

Ok. so here are my symptoms (which are hopefully something!!)

My nipple are burning!! BURNING!! its off and on, i h ave no idea when the fire will be set, but it kinda takes my breathe away when it happens.

Crampiness started sat. night. I have crampiness last time, so i dont know what to think of it.

Thats it. Im getting scared that its not going to work but im trying to remain positive. I went today for a prog check to see if i need to adjust the PIO.

7 more days...

Saturday, January 20, 2007

It hasnt sunk in....

I keep saying over and over "i did IVF and there 2 babies trying to implant right NOW!". I just cant seem to wrap my mind around it this time. Im alot calmer than last time and i know the reality that it may not take. But i cant even think of that either!! Just writting "it may not take" makes my heart stop!!

My mom came down on thursday and is leaving today. She cleaned alot but didnt do much for me. I felt bad to ask her for something b/c she was too busy organizing all my shit! lol. But it was so nice for her to come and help out, now i dont have to worry about it. Im sad shes going.

The dogs must sense i cant play out keep getting up to let them out, theyve been so good. Sadies been next to me the whole time, hugging my feet. :) My poor girls, their life is going to be turned upside down if these babies stick!!

The PIO shots are alot better than i expected! Theres only been 1 that kinda hurt, but i think thats just cause i didnt ice the area long enough. But i have no welts/lumps/ or bruises (knock on wood).

Last time i didnt write down any symptoms andi wish i had so i knew what i was experiencing at this point. So im going to this time.
This morning i started getting booby pains, im SO hoping they are not from the PIO but from my babes burrowing in!!! I also have some creamy CM. The crampiness is very minimal, to the point where i could say theres basically none.

At this point last cycle i was in triage suffering from OHSS. I am happy to say, i feel GREAT!! Im still a tad bloated but nothing like it was before. Plus i think the bloat is from the PIO shots (they can cause constipation...i knew you wanted to know that!! :) )

So this week its back to work. Im hoping this time next week ill feel a ton of pg symptoms and i have a + HPT...but i havent decided if ill take one.

OK enough blabbering.

Friday, January 19, 2007

PGD Results/Transfer

I didnt find out until 900pm on wednesday that we had 2 HEALTHY petri-babies!!! It was a VERY long day to wait, i was going out of my mind!

So yesterday we had the transfer. I was the only one there since i had the last transfer of the day. We waited for a bit and the nurse went over our d/c instructions. Dr. P came in and wizzed by us and said "follow me". She personally wanted to do the transfer, which i thought was so nice of her.

I go in the back and sit on the stretcher. Pete sat next to me. Dr. P came out from the back (where they keep the embryos) and she showed us a picture of the babes!!! It was SO COOL!! They were hatching blasts so they were at the best stage we could ask for. The last cycle our embies were still morulas, so this was good news!!

She then showed us the PGD report. She had the sexes covered. They didnt give me the PGD report to take home so i dont know the exact abnormalites, but i know there was a Complex abnormality, Trisomy 22, and some monosomies.

She asked if we wanted to know the sexes and we did.....

BOY AND GIRL!!!

I was thrilled!!!! I hope both take!

They had a bitch of a time getting into my cervix, it took about 15 minutes of poking and prodding, it wasnt fun, but ill do what i gotta do! She finally got in and the embryologist went to go get the babes. We saw the flash of light and the 2 dots go into my uterus. Now its up to them to stick and stay!!!

The PIO shots have been fine. Im all bruised on my belly from the heparin, so its such a small price to pay to have a healthy pregnancy!!

So now im staying on the couch until saturday. I didnt do bedrest last time. Im trying to do everything different from last time!

Beta is 1/29...10 days.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Petri-Baby Update

Yesterday i got the news that 12 of the 15 were mature enough to be ICSI'd but only 7 fertilized. I was pretty bummed b/c i keep comparing cycles and i had 10 fertilize last time.

But today i got the news that all 7 are dividing!!

Right now they should be 2-4cells. We have:

1 -2 cell
1- 3 cell
4-4cell
1- 5cell

WOO-HOO!! Next update will be the PGD report and i should know that by Wed. Night. Im holding my breathe until then!

Im feeling better. Still bloated but the pain is fine. I havent taken any Vicodin all day!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

We got Eggs!

Ok, this retrieval was far more painful then the first! My left ovary likes to hide so i guess they had to go in a different way. I did have 25 follicles they had to drain so maybe that extra 3 pushed me over the edge.

When i woke up i had tears rolling down my face b/c i was in so much pain. I got 2 shots of demerol which in turn, i got nauseous. Then i got phenergan which knocked me out. I couldnt keep my eyes open!! All the while they wanted me to pee. It wasnt fun.

But its all worth it, we got 15 eggs again, so im hoping for 2 healthy again.

I'll update when i get the fert report. Which should be sometime today.

Oh and i got the best sharp-shooter around, Pete did my Prog. shot this morning and i didnt even feel it!!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Follicle check #3/Triggering!!

Holy crap!

I was really hoping to stim for 8 days but it doesnt look like thats going to happen. Im triggering tonight @ 830 with ER being 8am on Saturday.

Im SO excited but SO scared!!

Follie check today showed 25 follicles with 10 mature but 7 ranging from 14-14.5mm (15mm is considered mature). My lining is 10.4. My e2 is 1645.

Freaking out over here!!!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Wow!!

I laid down the table and i keep trying not to compare my last cycle to this one. But its hard. This cycle i feel so much better (other than feeling sluggish), but physically im not as bloated and uncomfortable. Im surprised about this b/c ive been on 200u Follistim for the entire time.

So onto comparing, last time i had 16 follicles with 7 mature at this point with an E2 of 2055. This time i have 22 follicles with 3 mature. They are ranging from 10-16mm. Most are between 12-14mm.

My feeling is ill have ER on sunday, but hoping for monday.

I go back tomorrow for another check.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

We got Follicles!!

Things are still going at a slower rate which im very happy about!

Last time i had 14 follicles, 4 of which were mature.

This time we had 14 follicles all ranging 10-13.5 (so none are mature). My right side is still doing all the work with 11 and my left with 3.

The nurse said she thinks ill be back thursday. But it all depends on my E2 level.

My veins are starting to crap out on me. It took 2 trys today. So im hoping i get a day off tomorrow.

Stay Tuned :)

Edited to add: E2 was 717 (was 1315 last time! @ this same time). Im going tomorrow again to check on the growth and another e2. Dr. P wants me to get to day 9 of stims (friday) but if i have a lead follicle of 20 then we trigger. Right now im at a 13.5 so if they grow 2mm a day that will take us to friday. I HOPE I HOPE!!!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

First E2 level

Thankfully,things are moving slower this time. My E2 came back 232, it was 390 last time.

Im sticking with the 200u of Follistim which im nervous about b/c i dropped down to 150 last time but im going back on tuesday for a u/s and b/w to see whats cooking in there!

Im getting bloated but that could be from the junk i just ate at petes families holiday party!

This cycle is definately draining me more than last. Im really tired and it feels like the life is being sucked out of me!

I also started the heparin today and the needle that comes with it hurt like a bastard!! Im stealing some needles from work!

Friday, January 05, 2007

Getting him involved..

Last night Pete and i did my Follistim shot.

We've got quite a routine going. Since ive woke up 3 times past 9am to take lupron ( i still take it since its only like 915-930). Anyways Pete started drawing up my lupron and waking me up so i can take it. Last night he did all the prep work with the follistim as well.

I really like this b/c it allows him to be involved with all of this. He also started going to my u/s's last cycle to see the follies grow. He would write down the measurements for us and i would have the doctors sheet in my hand. It also helps to have him there b/c my left ovary is a bitch to find so he writes everything down while i push on my belly.

So we no longer can BD to make a baby but i really feel having him go to my appointments and prepare my shots makes us feel we ARE doing this TOGETHER. It also makes me feel not-so alone with this whole process.

Sunday is my first E2 level. Last time it was 390 @ that point so im curious to see what it will be this time.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Here we GO!! :)

Well i know the reality of all this but im still hoping that this cycle is IT for us.

Yesterday we went in for our PIO class and im shocked that its actually your lovehandles it goes in, not you Butt! OUCH! But whatever i got to do, ill do it!

After a whole week of spotting i FINALLY got my period and we got the go ahead to start stims tomorrow!

Im super-psyched and hoping this works!!