a little late.12 week belly pic and my puppies

SADIE- caught looking out the window for "KITTIES!"

NALA - stole petes hat and always has to have a bone nearby :)

OK heres the belly pics:

This is exactly 12 weeks in the morning when my belly isnt poking out as much. So i call this my "real" belly.

IM HUGE! This is at night. For some reason my belly gets bigger at night (this was taken 12w3d)

12 weeks!

It all depends on where you read, but im either in the 2T today, next week or the start of 14 weeks...confusing! Im counting 13 weeks as the 2T so one week to go!

Im feeling pretty good. Nights have been the worst. And im still waking up late at night and having a tough time falling back to sleep. I also am having the wonderful symptom of extra sliva...i never knew this was a symptom until i read about it...now i know why im spitting when i talk! lol

I did take a pic today but i had to do it myself, im going to have pete take one tomorrow.

So no appts this week, i think this is the first time since July i havent had a weekly appy SOMEWHERE!

Well im off for my daily 3 mile walk. Im trying to only gain 20 pounds during this pregnancy. So far ive gained 2-3 pounds.

i GRADUATED!!!

Today was my last RE appt.!!!

Little Babe is growing strong , measuring one day ahead and his HB ws 156-160. He was SO BIG! This all still feels so surreal!

I also filled out my OB paperwork and got my prenatal labs drawn. I go 4/3 for my first OB appt. I CANNOT wait!

My last PIO injection was yesterday! My bum already feels better!

AND i got my doppler a few days ago so i can listen to his HB whenever i want! YAY!

Its a good day!

11 week update!

I didnt get to post this weekend b/c we were going, going, going!

Saturdy Pete and i did a bunch of errands & went to the Home Show and to Cheesecke Factory. It was a really good day :)

Then yesterday was our family dinner, my family and petes family all got together and Sage even came! Shes just so stinking cute!! :) We had prime rib and everything came out perfect.

So pregnancy wise things are still the same (YAY!) Im still excruiciatingly exhausted and could sleep all day if i could! The queasiness comes and goes, smells are still gettting to me (beer and raw seafood are the WORST! and the weirdest one is cleaning products!) My breasts are a little fuller and are painful if someone pushes on them, but normally feel fine. My intestines still are on vacation which is NOT helping the bloating situation i got going on!

I ordered a doppler on thursday and i think i may get it today!! i hope i can find the heartbeat!! My last weekly u/s is wednesday and im hoping curry can come b/c its my last one until the "big" one.

So thats it, ill update on wednesday! :)

Little Babe update!

U/s was amazing. HB 168 measured 10w 5d (one day ahead!).

We saw the legs, arms (no longer "buds"), the brain, teeth? (hey thats what the doctor said lol), the umbilical cord pulsating, his little alien face. He was moving all over and got really pissed when i poked him to move some when he was quiet hehe :)

The doctor was going to keep me on the PIO shots until next week but i told her i just couldnt do it anymore! It is KILLING me now! So we start weaning on Saturday and ill take my last shot on tuesday @ 11w3d...oh it will be a JOYOUS day!!!

She was much better today besides the fact she called my bump - obesity! NICE HUH?

Whatever! Little babe is doing faboulous and thats all the counts! :)

Little Babe update!

U/s was amazing. HB 168 measured 10w 5d (one day ahead!).

We saw the legs, arms (no longer "buds"), the brain, teeth? (hey thats what the doctor said lol), the umbilical cord pulsating, his little alien face. He was moving all over and got really pissed when i poked him to move some when he was quiet hehe :)

The doctor was going to keep me on the PIO shots until next week but i told her i just couldnt do it anymore! It is KILLING me now! So we start weaning on Saturday and ill take my last shot on tuesday @ 11w3d...oh it will be a JOYOUS day!!!

She was much better today besides the fact she called my bump - obesity! NICE HUH?

Whatever! Little babe is doing faboulous and thats all the counts! :)

10 weeks!

DOUBLE DIGITS!!!

Im so psyched to be 10 weeks! I never thought this would happen, but each week i keep moving along...i still cant believe it!

My symptoms seem to be lessening a bit. Im still queasy and tired. The symptom that reared its ugly head this week was extreme moodiness. Like yesterday, i went and visited Curry and Sage, i was fine, no exhaustion, queasiness, some hunger but i have good control over that now. But on my way home i was very queasy and by the time i got home i wanted to bite someones head off. Its awful and i hate being that way!! At least i warn people and i they know its not "me" but SHEESH i was sensitive to begin with and now EVERYTHING bothers me! I hope this doesnt last for too much longer.

Work has been really tough to get through. By 5-6p (sometimes earlier) i feel like im not gonna make it. Makes for a VERY long night!! I barely walk in the door and im about to zonk out! But lately ive been waking up between 2-4a WIDE awake and takes forever to get back to sleep. I guessmy body is already getting me used to the babe. Itd be interesting to see if thats an active time for the babe once it starts moving!

Im still on the PIO shots, i was hoping today was going the day to start weaning off of them but Dr. P wants to wait until next week. So hopefully on Wed. ill find out how the weaning will work. My u/s this week is at 3pm, late but at least i get one. Then the following week is most likely my last one. As much as i like these weekly appointments, im ready to be a "normal" pregnant person. Most patients are released to their OBs by now but with my history im staying until 12 weeks. Its OK, i really like Dr. P(even though she kinda pissed me off this week).

Pete has been great! I think now that we are past "the critical" stage hes starting to warm up to this, which makes me VERY happy! He sings to the babe and kisses my belly, its very cute! He understands i dont have the energy i wish i had, which is good.

We took another belly pic today. I look a LITTLE different but it could just be the pants im wearing. Ill post the pics once i figure out how too.

But is anyone even reading this to see them? I get so many hits but no comments, whats up with that?

9.5 u/s and frustration

This could be 2 posts but im too tired to do that!

First, babe is doing wonderfully! Measuring right on track with a heartrate of 172. He (just my feeling) was doing a little jig, it was so cool!! We go back the next 2 wednesdays for u/s and then im kicked out to Dr. B (FINALLY!) Im still on the PIO and will start weaning off of it next week (11 weeks).

Now for my vent. Now im starting to think its just me or that i really dont have ANYONE who understands what im going through (this is what im leaning towards). Yesterday i asked (what i thought) was normal questions to the doctor. Instead of getting reassuring answers, i got "calm down and realx" "dont worry about it"," wow, youve got a long way to go to be this worried." Frankly, it PISSED me off!!

Ive only known about losing pregnancies so, yes, im PETRIFIED on occasions. Ive never been 9.5 weeks pregnant so i dont know what "normal" sensations are! I feel the doctor is there to help you along and calm you, not PISS you off and make you feel like your dumb.

The past week ive been overly sensitive, so maybe it IS me, but it still irritated me! Its like i feel it was OK to be scared from 4-8weeks but not its time to buckle up and relax....ill let you know how that goes!

9 weeks!

i get so excited for Saturdays!!

Ive actually been feeling OK for the past 2 days, which freaks me out, but its nice to have a reprieve. But really, it hasnt been that bad. I think i slept away the past 3 weeks. My queasiness is pretty constant on the days it comes, the dizziness is still here but not as bad (the protein must be helping), the bloating is still in full force but with softball sized ovaries and the progesterone, i guess its what to be expected. My smell is still wicked strong and cooking dinner is a feat but no puking. Ive had times where i WISH i could but nothing.

I think i might be feeling alittle better b/c i just had 4 days off of work, its been nice and ive been able to rest. Or it could be b/c im just getting used to things.

Last night i had to go get some maternity jeans. The bloating and the lovenox bruises where making it impossible to be comfortable. It will be nice when i actually need them for a baby belly :) Its weird how the sizes run S, M, L, ect. But they are super comfy.

Wed. is my next u/s and i hope it goes well. I dont know what im gonna do when i cant see the babe every week, its so cool to see the development happen!

8 week us and vent about ppl who dont GET it!

Most importantly our babe is doing fabulous!! It look like a little baby now. We saw the head, ears, legs, hands, belly and the heart pumping away. The babe even MOVED!! So cool!!

The appointment was def. educational. First i found out that the stitch i have never dissolved!! Its been causing some pinching so Dr. P had to take it out because it was causing irritation. That hurt like a BITCH! There was another piece but when she pulled on it...HOLY SHIT! So i told her to leave it be and see if it still bothers me, then we'll take care of it.

Then she informs me i have a yeast injection!?!? I didnt even KNOW!

Then she tells me not to eat carbs to help with my queasiness/dizziness. The carbs, i guess, cause your blood sugar to drop or doesnt keep it stable for a long period of time so that why i feel shitty every hour. So she said PROTEIN is best! Now why does everyone tell you to eat saltines if they make matters worse! So now i have peanut butter crackers, trail mix, and cheese by my side to ease the pukey feelings.

So we are going back next wednesday and the following one for more u/s's. It doesnt seem like i get released back to Dr. B until week 12 but thats OK, these u/s's are a godsend, even though i get SO NERVOUS beforehand.

Speaking of nervous, heres my vent! Now ive been through ALOT and i know that all of this can be ripped away in an instant. I know full well about missed m/c so i get scared before my u/s's. My mother came with me and the WHOLE time shes telling me to "lighten up"...but the 6th time she said it i was about to SNAP!! Nobody can understnad my fears except for ME. So instead of disreguarding them or making them seem insignificant, be supportive and calming! GRR!

Another thing i didnt think would happen is pete is still very distant about this pregnancy. He is getting better. But he doesnt seem relieved when the u/s goes well like i do. He admitted last night he is still nervous, so am i but disreguarding the whole situation kinda makes me feel alone with this.

Ill just be so happy when this trimester is over and we move into the 2T. 4 more weeks...28 days..we can do it! :)

8 weeks!!

For some reason 8 weeks is huge for me, no particular reason but im SO HAPPY to be here!! Im still feeling pretty much the same tired, hungry and queasy..dizzy spells are becoming more pronounced, i also have bionic smells (which is not always a good thing). The exhaustion is by far the dominant symptom!

2 more weeks and we get to start weaning off the PIO injections. They are not a bother but my skin if starting to hate the bandaids. And my hips are slightly numb from all the poking.

Earlier this week we switched to Lovenox instead of Heparin. Im on 30mg 2x a day. So far, so good.

Wednesday is u/s #3 and im praying everything is still perfect in there. The babe is the size of a large grape right now and my uterus is the size of a grapefruit. Ive been feeling alot of strtching going on in there. Its so fun to know im growing!!!

Speaking about growing, my pants no longer button!! i havent gained any weight but my waist is fading. Im hoping to wait to buy maternity clothes until at least 12 weeks. Id hate to buy them and then have something happen!! So it looks like ill be living in sweats for the next month (what else is new :) ).

We also took out first belly pic today, its unbelievable the change so far!!

Who slipped me the Roofies!

Sorry for a lack of updates this week and theres alot to update.

I have been so EXHAUSTED!! It takes everything to stay away. I worked mon-wed. and it was SO HARD to get through it! My queasiness/ extreme hunger is still here. I havent puked but i get really burpy where i feel like i will but then it passes. I get pretty dizzy/nausous in the morning or if i get up to quick.

So this week had some drama in it.

On Tuesday i had some brown staining on my undies and when i wiped it looked like i had brown pee. It was the same stuff i had 2 weeks ago but it was more and it freaked me out even more b/c now i know we have a baby with a heartbeat.

I told pete and he basically told me to go bed and call in the morning ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! I couldnt sleep, so off to the ER we went!

We had to wait quite awhile for the u/s and exam. When they finally did it everything was perfectly fine! The babe was HUGE compared to last week, it measured 7w2d (but since it was 2a the doc said id prob. be 7w3d that day) so im only measuring one day behind which is nothing, so that made me feel alot better!

The heartrate was 162, also perfect and we actually got to HEAR it!!

The spotting has since stopped and the doc said it most likely is from the stitch in my cervix thats still there from my ER. It would have been nice if someone TOLD me that could happen!!

So things are good but i gotta go back to sleep!

7 weeks!

i made it through week 6 - whew!

Ive been very queasy, tired, and hungry (but with MAJOR food adversions) this week. If i dont eat every 2 hours, we got a problem! Im trying really hard to make good choices but sometimes stouffers mac and cheese is the only thing that sounds good. Earlier this week i had chicken noodle soup for breakfast! Pete was like "OK, your def. pregnant!" LOL.

Work is very hard to get through. Around 7 i feel like someone drugged me, i get a very fuzzy feeling - like my perception/equalibrium is off, its very strange. I dont know how i made it home last night i was so zonked!

My sisters constant vomiting happened this week. We shall see. On wednesday my beta was 32,152 so its climbing nicely - it seems like i should have enough hormones to drive me to puke, but nothing yet. I do have consistent queasiness - does that count?

Im calling tuesday for them "to fit me in" for a reassurance u/s. I cant wait to see the babe again and know everything is still going well! The nurse said once i get to week 10 i could take a good breathe...little does she know i take a "good breathe" everyday i wake up and im still pregnant!

Pete and I are going to babysit Sage ALL day today. Im really excited about that. Shes so big now and so much fun!!

Happy Heartbeat Day!!

Today was our 'Viable pregnancy" check and we have a HEARTBEAT!!!

I was so very nervous, but it all worked out well! My doctor did the u/s (you usually have to go to the hospital to get it done by a tech but Dr. P is awesome and likes to do everything herself!, LOVE HER!) Anyways she walks in asks how im feeling, blah, blah, i told her i was really nervous. She understood and got right down to it!

The probe didnt even feel like it was all the way in when she announced "theres the heartbeat!" i was like really? I suddenly felt alot better!

The dam u/s screen was really blurry and she was having a hard time measuring the babe, the best meaurement she got was 6w2d (im 6w4d) but she said that was perfect and the heartbeat was going at a very nice pace.

We got pictures and im super-psyched!

I really didnt think my body knew how to do this b/c ive never had a pregnancy form, just funky beta numbers. So this is HUGE!!!

We're gonna go back next week for my own peace of mind and the following week and a "real" appt.

My symtoms come and go, i feel pretty queasy most of the day, but no puking yet, my bbs really dont hurt but they stil feel like a fire is burning inside them every once in awhile, my nipples feel like they fall asleep too, i got some new veins poking out and i have the montgomery glands BIG time! Im also really thirsy and in turn im peeing ALOT.

I just cant believe this is happening! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

6 weeks

Today marks 6 weeks. 6 weeks is a scary week for me b/c this is the week i usually m/c (even though i find out about 4 1/2 to 5 weeks that its going to happen.)

Im having alot of up and down days. Yesterday i felt so hopeful and felt good throughout the day. Today im a blubbering idiot and scared to death, im convinced DOOM is right around the corner! :/.

I dont think its helping that the past day and a half im feeling pretty good. Since 4 1/2 weeks ive felt VERY hungry and queasy, tired, and dizzy spells. Yesterday i felt great, besides the fact i was sleeping @8pm, but the overwhelming hunger was at bay. Today i think my nervousness is masking ANYTHING i may feel. (although, the bloating is still in full force.)

Most ppl would feel forunate they feel good, but i WANT to feel like crap. You try so long to have a healthy pregnancy, that you want to feel ALL the symptoms to remind you your pregnant.

Wednesday cant come soon enough.

6326!

Thats my beta number. I was hoping for 4000, if it doubled exactly it would have been 5880, so we have a doubling time of 45.5 hours. I am SO relieved!!!

heres the recap
16dpo 261
18dpo 490
25dpo 6326

Im not the emotional type, i usually can handle things pretty well. But i keep crying on the phone with the nurse when i get this news!!

Now i have 6 more days until my u/s. Im working the weekend and monday, so it should go by fast.

Work is concerning me, when i do alot of activity i feel crampy and last night i had the TEENIEST amount of brownish liquid (i would have NEVER noticed it, if i wasnt looking for it). It freaked me out, but i have nothing but my white creamy discharge again. I am NOT LOOKING for it again!!

I saw Dr. B last night at work. Hes very happy for me. I cant wait to be back in his care. Hes a wonderful doctor.

Nightmares

Im sure its completely normal to have these. I had my first last night (not too bad). I got the call that my beta was only 935 and then i started bleeding. I was SO THANKFUL when i woke up that it was just a dream!

Ive been doing really well with not inspecting the tiolet paper for blood. I pat, throw it in the tiolet and flush. If its not on my underwear, im not looking for it!

I just cant wait for this beta number to come back. I want it between 3500-4500. PLEASE!!!PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!

Then the next obsession will then be my u/s.

And no, i dont think its twins...really, id be SHOCKED if it was!

5w2d

I made it through the weekend. It was a tough one, it being my dads anniversary and the fact that im so scared about my betas.

We went up to NH to spend the weekend with melissa and warren. We had a good time and it helped get my mind off things.

My symptoms are still present they are:

sore bbs (not consistently)
queasy (been most of the day today)
gassy/bloated/constipated (i seriously look 4mo. preggo)
HUNGRY(if i dont eat AS SOON as i feel hunger, im queasy)
thirsty/frequent urination
cramping, more like sharp stabs every now and then

Thats about it, im wondering when this gassy/stomach turning queasiness is going to land me running to the tiolet. Im taking all these symptoms as a good sign.

My next beta is wednesday and im so scared they are gonna call me and say "its all over". I just wish that damn beta doubled, i dont think id be so nervous about it. The next couple weeks are going to DRAG.

Scared to DEATH!

Ok this post might be all over the place b/c thats where my thoughts are right now and i just need to take a minute and try to sort them out.

I am absolutey scared shitless that im going to lose this baby. I hardly slept last night b/c my beta number didnt double in 48 hours, it was 51 hours. I know its fine and normal and blah blah blah. But i go through beta hell when i get pregnant and this time i just wanted it to be PERFECT!!

I know i need to calm down but, its just not that easy.Im taking it not only one hour at a time but one second at a time. Im contemplating about calling to get another beta done tomorrow to put my mind at ease but what if it did the same thing? Then im REALLY gonna need to be admitted to a psych ward.

I know i should be happy and relish in the fact that im actually pregnant but i cant help but think something is going to go terribly wrong or im not having enough symptoms and now my beta didnt double.

See this is what miscarriages do to ppl, fuck em all up! I wish i could be like my sister and just know she was pregnant and move on. She didnt analyze every twiches, cramp, booby pain. She just lived and was niave. I WANT TO BE NIAVE!

But i cant b/c on top of researching for the past 2 years on infertility and everything that comes with it, im a freaking postpartum nurse and SEE what can happen! I know TOO MUCH.

I need a sedative until this baby is born!

OHMIGOD!!!

You guessed it.....IM PREGNANT!!!!!!

I am BEYOND thrilled. I know for a fact i got a LONG way to go but im SO HAPPY!!

So heres how it went down:

Saturday night i was having a mental breakdown and NEEDED to know. So pete went out and bought a digital test b/c he hates the whole "is that a line?" saga.

I wake up on sunday (now im a day late) and i chicken out! I figure i have 2 more days of shots i need to take one way or the other and im gonna be so PISSED if i have to do the PIO and not be pregnant. So i wait...

Monday morning comes (beta day). Im still too scared but if it was going to be negative i wanted to know. So pete shoots me in the bum and i walk around the house aimlessly until i get the courage to take the test. Finally, i convince myself to do it (but only b/c i was about to pee my pants!)

So its a digital and ive never taken one of those before. The little screen has a pregnancy stick flashing in it while its "reading" the results... OMG TORTURE!!! At least with the line tests you can watch the lines FORM!! So im sitting on the tiolet trying not to look, then all of a sudden the blinking stops and the word PREGNANT is in the screen.

So now im FREAKING OUT! I fumble and pull up my pants and yell/scream for pete...im running but i cant even feel my legs and i can hear my voice but it doesnt sound like myself! I find Pete down cellar and hes running up the stairs as im running down them. We stop in the middle and i shove the freshly peed on stick in his face "IT SAYS PREGNANT!!!!" and he said "I knew you were!" and i said "well I DIDNT!!!"

Now im laughing and crying all at the same time. I was(am) so overwhelmed!!! This WORKED!

So i pull myself together(kinda) and head off to providence for my beta. This was going to be the true test. All my betas have been low so i was nervous that the same thing was going to happen...again.

I got the call around 2pm and my beta was 261!!! The average beta for right now is 95! So im sitting on the phone with the nurse saying "ohmigod,ohmigod,ohmigod!!!". She trying to tell me the next steps but i cant think, i have to sit down and all i can mutter is "ohmigod!"

The next draw is wed to see if it goes up at least 60%. If it does then they will schedule my u/s.

Our family is THRILLED, but cautiously excited.

YAYAYAYAYAY!!!