23 weeks! :)

Its so nice that we are counting backwards now! 13 more weeks until Jack will be here! To put it in perspctive 13 weeks ago was mid march...we can do this! :)

Some ppl have been asking me why he's coming in the 36th week (mostly likely 9/12 or 9/14). Its b/c i need to take Lovenox (blood thinner) and its dangerous for both Jack and I to go to term. For me b/c if i go into labor i may hemmorrage, so they like to control labor so i will be induced. Also the medication isnt as effective once i pass 36 weeks so i could develop a blood clot which could be fatal to both of us....scary! so im taking the induction at 36wks, can ya blame me?

So this week was good. I got out of the house and met curry,sage and ashley up at Blackstone. It was th first time i drove farther then 3 miles! It was nice to get out! I bought Jack some sleepers and a little outfit. Pete said no more clothes...but i cant help it since im so picky...i HATE winnie th pooh and insects on boys clothes - im all about the prep look :) so when i see somthing i like, i NEED to buy it! lol. Melissa and Warren also came down, it was nice to see them. I truly miss all my friends and wish i lived a tad closer so we all could get together more, rather then once every 4 months!

Pregnancy wise im still feeling pretty good. Each week im losing my belly buttton more and more. My stretch marks grow about a 1/4 an inch a week...theres only 2 so i cant complain (and i wont anyways b/c i know its just part of it all and i wouldnt trade it for anything!!). I get heartburn every so often, and im getting a weird sensation under my breasts- like a tingling - i think its the skin stretching. Jack is getting stronger and he hangs out on my right side, im def lopsided lol. Around 20 weeks my headaches, bowel issues and queasiness all subsided...i guess it cause my hormones have "leveled off" so my body is adjusted. Sleep is somtimes a challenge, not b/c im uncomfortable but b/c after i get up and pee (which is about 2x a night) i have a tough time falling back to sleep. Sometimes im up at 3am for good. My mom got me a Snoogle pillow for Mothers Day - LIFESAVER! I think thats all..

I want to send out a special CONGRATULATIONS to Joe and Peg who just got the news they are able to go pick up their little boy in Guatemala very soon! YAY!
Also to Jamie and Wade who found out this week they are pregnant-again! God Bless you jamie...im scared of 1 and your gonna have 4!

22 week belly pic

this is 12 weeks for a comparison since im wearing the same shirt.

i dont think theres too much of a difference from 20 weeks.

a day late- 22 weeks :)

First i have to say my E ky isnt working well, so plase excus any typos.

This week is "picture week" but i just dont feel like downloading it right now...ill get to it soon.

This week was nice. It went by fast b/c of th long weekend which was nic b/c i hate it when time fels like its standing still.

Pregnancy wise, im feeling lots of round ligament pain, Jack is kicking harder, and im getting BH about 5-7 times a day.

This wekend we registered!!! I didnt want to until 24 weeks but pete was excited to do so, so we went. It took us ysterday and today to finish. I dont feel comfortable putting my last name on here but its at BRU, so if you know me well enough, you can find it. There were alot of moms we ran into while we were there and they gave us good advice throughout, so that was nice. They told us some good tips on what to get that they didnt feel they needed until there babes came.

OK, so were are the comments? I know some ppl read regularly but nevr leave a commnt...leave them! i feel like all i do is talk to myself on here!!

21 week appt :)

We're still trucking along, thank god! :)

My BP was good at 118/66...Jack heartbeat was 147...my fundus was meausring perfectly, i gained 10 pounds total so far. All my questions were answered and everything i was concerned about is fine. I just need to call if i have more than 4 braxton hicks in one hour. And he took me out of work for the rest of the pregnancy. So no more work until janurary!

I go back june 20th for a growth u/s and june 26th for an appt.

21 weeks!

HOORAY! :)

This week has been pretty productive. We bought the crib and bereau, we found a set we both fell in love with at Rooms to Grow and its going to take 12 weeks for it to come in so we got it. Pete also put up a closet organizer which looks AWESOME and made me fall in love with him all over again lol. We also went through the storage room and got rid of a bunch of stuff.

This weekend we are cleaning out the unfinished part of the basement and putting the guest bedroom bereau down there and Pete put up pictures ive been asking to be put up for almost a year!!! I think my husband is nesting!

Pregnancy wise im feeling good. Im getting big and i noticed a hint of 2 stretch marks forming :( One on my side and the other by my belly button. Ive been putting cocoa butter on for 3 years, so thats just a crock of shit! Jack is getting stronger, the other night he was bouncing all around and pete felt it all, then at the end of his dancing he flipped (or something) and i jumped about 5 feet! It was the weirdest feeling!!

Ive got an appt with Dr. B on tuesday. Im really hoping he lets me stay out of work sinc ei havent bleed or spotted for 2 weeks. I think taking it easy is whats best for me. Going back to work and running around just doesnt seem like a good idea to me. We'll also find out the detialed results of our ultrasound 2 and a half weeks ago...i hope everything is fine!

20 weeks!!

Here i am in all my glory at 20 weeks...sorry for the lack of make-up but at least im dressed :)

And here are some super cute pictures of my neice, Sage and her Uncle Pete!

Isnt she just the cutest! Ok, so another week! YAY! This is a huge milestone in my mind. This week was good. Jack is moving alot now but changed position the last couple of days so i dont feel him as often but its still about 10 times a day. My ribs are starting to ache b/c things are getting pushed up which isnt pleasant and my back hurts from the weight of my belly and layin down all the time. But im not complaining at all...im loving every minute!

We went recliner looking today and bought one - EEK! Our first big baby purchase but it can be used in the living room as well when he gets bigger. We are still on the hunt for a crib and matching bereaus - no luck yet but, thats OK since i dont want to buy it until 24 weeks anyways.

I cant wait to feel more comfortable with the pregnancy. I hate being so nervous but i know the reality of things and to tell you the truth i just want september to get here! I want to just have this little man safe in my arms. Thank goodness im getting induced at 37 weeks, i dont think my mind could take being late!

Dr. B never called about the u/s so im assuming everything looked good. I guess ill know for sure on the 29th. I know i should call but if there IS something to worry about i'd rather not know right now.

But im feeling good and each week i start to get more and more excited. I have some little outfits that i just stare at and cant wait to have him here to put him in them. I hope the next 4 weeks fly by b/c then we will be "safe".

Someones Knocking!

Jack is making his presence known. He's been poking me pretty good in my sides, i think its his feet cause i also feel little slithers/bumps in the middle which im guessing is his little arms. Its so fun to feel him move, i wish he did it all day. I probably feel him every 1-2 hours and when he moves it lasts anywhere from one thump to 5-10 minutesof breakdancing :).

On Mothers Day my mom felt him move. Then today Pete felt him. Im so glad Pete was able to feel him too. I feel bad i feel him all day, so it was great to experience with him.

This is such an incredible feeling!!

19 weeks!

YAY!

Doing pretty goood. My bad has been bothering me from laying down all the time. I think i need to invest in a pregnancy body pillow. This week i also started getting braxton hicks contractions. They dont hurt and are not consistent, but i still dont like any kinda of "contractions" right now!

Dr. B still hasnt called to let me know how the u/s went. He may call this a.m. I sure hope so cause i dont want to wait until the 29th to know everything.

Im still spotting. It'll stop for a day or 2 then come back..as long as the babe is healthy, ill deal.

Its starting to sink in that we a having a boy. Im so excited that i can connect to him and i can call him by name.

Im still really nervous about things but each day that passes is one step closer until he gets here. Ill start breathing a little easier once i hit 24 weeks. 35 more days...it feels like im in the 1T all over again!!

It's a BOY!!!

i KNEW it!!! I have better intuition than my sister LOL :)

I was suppose to go yesterday but they cancelled my u/s b/c the techs daughter was "sick". So i went in today (thank gid they didnt have me wait a week!)

The tech wasnt very forthcoming with info. But she said he measured perfectly and everything looked "good". My placenta seemed to have moved and is no longer low lying. I still have a pool of blood by my cervix so ill probably spot for a little while longer (even though theres been virtually nothing for 2 days! knock on wood!!).

Dr. B will mostly likely call tomorrow with the detailed report. Im so glad Jack looks good and im hoping to get even better news when the doctor calls. I WANT THIS BLEED TO HEAL!!

YAY we're having a son!!

18 weeks (5mo.)!! And Pictures.

18 weeks bare belly!!

18 weeks (no PJs this time - surprise!)

We made it another week (Thank you!) Im still spotting but what can ya do? Otherwise im feeling really good. Im starting to get heatburn and queasiness because my stomach is getting all sotrs of squished but ill take it in a heartbeat! :)

Little Babe has been getting more and more active (which is by far the coolest thing). Some days he more squiggly then others, but on his quiet days he gives me little pokes every now and then. When hes active it feels like a fish is swimming along my belly...weird but very cool!

Last weekends scare has set us back on planning. Which is prob bad since we have alot to do.

We have to:

*Clean out the basement

*Take EVERYTHING out of the guest bedroom and put it in the basement.

(these 2 things ALONE will take probably a good month)

*Order furnitire (which can take 12 weeks)

*Possibly paint guest bedroom (see how i cant say "nusery" yet).

*Get dog pen/put up a fence

And thats only what i can think of. I really dont want to get too ahead of myself until 24 weeks, and thats 6 weeks away!

We have 4 days until we know if Little Babe is a girl or a boy. So will it be a Jack or a Lily (yes, charlotte has lost :( )??? I cant wait to know!

forgot to add weekend event

this sunday i had another bright red gush of blood - mother f-er!!! I even passed 2 clots with some crampiness..so off to the ER we went. I did use my doppler before we went and little babe sounded just fine but i just wanted to make sure everything was OK.

I didnt get the whole w/u like i did the first time since they basically knew what was causing it. The bleeding wasnt nearly as bad as the first bleed (thank god!). I am now spotting brown blood and im hoping things will FINALLY fix themselves after this.

This is going to be one long pregnancy...

17 week appt.

Little Babe is just fine. My BP was 118/60, i gained 1.8 pounds since last visit 4 weeks ago (YAY!), my uterus is growing appropriately. Oh, and the heartrate was 152.

Dr. B wasnt concerned about the bleeding, just said it happens sometimes and it will hopefully heal in the next couple weeks. I am out of work until the 29th. If im still spotting then, then im out of work for the rest of the pregnancy. He said i can drive now and walk around a mall, just no heavy lifting just basically lay down and rest as much as possible.

So it was a good appt. Now im anxiously awaiting our big u/s next wednesday....8 more days!!

17 weeks!! :)

I think ive said it before but i love saturdays!! :)

This was a good week. My spirits are def better then the 2 weeks prior. The spotting is still around but Little Babe is doing just fine. His/her heartbeat is very strong and loud. Its crazy how a few weeks back it was faint and now its bounding when i listen - so cool!!

Last sunday i felt Little Babe move for the first time! If felt like popcorn popping but now it feel like someone is tickling me very lightly from the inside. Im so excited that im feeling it so soon. Since this is my first ive read alot of ppl dont feel it until 20+ weeks. Im excited to start feeling it harder and then pete being able to feel it!

Ive been starting to relax alot more and starting to think about getting ready for the babe. We know that LB is coming at 37 weeks at the latest. So that gives us mid sept, i want everything ready by August, so 3 months. So we are going today to look at recliners b/c it may take 12 weeks for it to come in. We are also going to BRU to look at cribs and bureaus also to see how much money we are going to need and how long it will take to come in. If we have a girl we are going with black furniture and if a boy dark brown.

Ive settled on a set for a girl but a boy is alot harder. Pete wants to do a hunting cabin theme for a boy but i cant find any bedding to go with it...grrr.

Heres the girl one:http://www.babysupermall.com/main/products/lai/lai65006v.html
(damn thing wont let me paste the picture).

So we go next week to find out the gender and im super excited about that! I always thought boy but lately ive been thinking girl. For a boy we decided on Jack Eugene and girls names are still in debate but its down to Lily, Charlotte, or Violet (MN will be Mae). What do you think?

My appt on tuesdya went well. The doc was more concerned about my sunburn than anything lol. She told me the spotting will hopefull stop soon. Im going to the OB on Tuesday.. im very excited about that. Im curious to see if he'll let me go back to work. If not thats OK since i got approved for TDI and ill be paid for the rest of the pregnancy and 6-8 weeks postpartum. Im still planning on staying out til January...that'll be 9 months out of work! But its OK so ill take it! :)

16 weeks with pics!

Heres today at 16 weeks. (i really wish i knew how to cut off my head, i always look like shit! in these pictures!) Pete takes them so fast i dont have time to smile!

heres 14 weeks since i never posted it.

So today is 16 weeks!!! Im STILL spotting, which is getting annoying but at least its not getting worse. Its heavier at night which makes no sense since im sleeping and doing no activity- humm?? I hope it all ends soon, that i can go back to work and start feeling normal again. I feel like i cant enjoy this time....

I did get out of the house yesterday. Pete had a meeting in CT so i went with him and afterwards we ate out by the water. It was such a beautiful day!! It did so much for my spirits to get OUT!

Physically i feel fine. My belly is lopsided and Little babe is on the left so i have this bulge there, its weird. Im anxiously awaiting to feel movement. Sometimes i feel little zaps but they are so faint i think its just belly bubbles. I have been getting slight heartburn but nothing bad. My headaches are still pretty consistent, im going to ask tuesday if they mean anything. And, finally, my jaw is healing! YAY!

So i have my OB med appt on tuesday...ill update after that.

Growing Pains

This week hasnt been fun. My TMJ is tortourous! Dr. B gave me a perscription for Vicodin, i had to take it every 3 1/2 hours on saturday and now just at night so i relax enough to allow the jaw to relax (i clench my teeth at night, and all the pressure is on one tooth and that tooth already has nerve damage so it hurt like a mother...) I have an appt next wednesday to hopefully get some kind of mouth piece to realign my jaw so i bite evenly again. But let me tell ya, a tight jaw is not fun! I cant talk, smile, laugh, eat, open my mouth...it hasnt been fun!

Onto Little Babe. Hes doing well. Heartbeat is still nice and strong. He's getting bigger. I can feel my uterus about 2-3 inches below my belly button. I feel alot of pulling in my uterus. I can no longer suck in. I feel bigger in clothes then naked...odd. The spotting is still sticking around. It started getting darker this weekend and heavier. I had 2-3 good gushes of brown blood on sunday so Dr. B got another phone call LOL! He said its normal, it could be the pocket of blood coming out or that the placenta moved again causing some irritation. He said since the babes heartrate was good and strong theres nothing to worry about (easy for him to say). Im hoping its just from the babe getting bigger and just pushing out the blood or that the sac is reconnecting itself, thus pushing out the blood.

Its 3 more weeks until my next u/s. Im trying my hardest to remain busy until then. I wish i could get another to check the bleed but, i cant. Im trying to just take it easy and hope for the best.

15 weeks

YAY! for time going by! Its 330a and i havent slept! My tmj is really acting up, its KILLING me! Usually i can take Vicodin but now i cant, so im suffering BIG TIME! I hate even taking Tylenol but i have no choice with all this pain (but its not even touching it!). If i cant handle it by the morning im calling Dr. B and asking him to call in a perscription! I just cant take it!

So babe news! Im still spotting but, its just old bloood (knock on wood!). When we went for the u/s on wednesday there still was quite a bit that needed to come out, so i want it OUT so everything can heal and be done with! So it looks like ill be on bedrest until at least may 9th (after the u/s). I have been a little more active, i get up and make me meals now - WOW!

The one thing i hate about bedrest is that you feel EVERY ache, which i cant help but analyze. Ive been getting alot of pulling in my lower abdomen. I can feel my uterus, its about midway from pubic bone and my belly button, pretty cool :)

So i just need this pain to go away and the bleed to clear up, but most importantly Little Babe is doing wonderfully, and thats all that matters.

Oh, btw, my cervix was 3.6-4.0 on the remeasurement- that makes me feel MUCH better!!

bedrest update

Its been a week. A week of pure anxiety. Ive had 2 really bad days where all i did was want to cry/cry. Im feeling better though. Each day i pass feels like an accomplishment. I AM GOING TO HAVE THIS BABY!!!

i sat here for 2 days researching incompetent cervix and basically scared the shit out of myself. At the hospital my cervix measured 2.7 (they like it above 3), so for 6 days i had the idea in my head that i was gonna lose the baby...crazy i know, but hey give me credit, ive been through ALOT and im hormonal right now!

So anyways i called my doctor yesterday and told the nurse i was having a "crazy pregnant lady moment". She talked to my doctor and they let me come in today for an u/s to check everything out.

Little Babe was fine, measured right on target with a heartrate of 163. The placenta looked like it moved to me but the tech said it could just be the angle she took the picture. Who knows. She also said it didnt look like it was my placenta that separated but the aminionic sac..which i guess is better??? The doctor will most likely call me tomorrow with the full report.

But for now im in bed resting away.

I have to say something though. some ppl think i worry too much (which, btw, id love to see how theyd act if they have gone through what i have) well, i was watching Inn Love with tori spelling and she went to the doctor after she took a bath b/c she thought she "cooked" the baby from the warm water!!!! now come on.....

14 weeks

So glad to be here. This has definately been a rough week but we are still holding strong. I had a scare today and i couldnt find little babes heartbeat but he just moved over like 2 inches - WHEW!

Ive had no active bleeding since yesterday morning. So i called Dr. M (my high -risk doc) and she said i can restart the Lovenox tonight! Ill feel so much better being on that but scared at the same time.

I did take a picture today but i cant find the cable to upload it so ill have to add it later. I think i still look the same. Just the belly is now turning to baby and not bloat. Ill be exciting when it looks more "pregnant" not "pudgey".

No appt. this week. Just gonna be laying here holding this little babe in nice and tight!

Keep us in your prayers.

bedrest...hmph

Its amazing how fast things can change...

Yesterday morning i woke up and noticed my stomach felt really hard. I thought it was just my uterus poking out. Then i got up and GUSH! I looked down and i was soaked in red blood. I hobbled over to pete and told him i was bleeding. I sat there in the dining room with blood pouring out of me. I had the phone in my hand to call the doctor but i couldnt remember the number. Pete ran out to the car to get it. I called and they told me to get to the hospital ASAP. So pete helped undress/dress me and cleaned me up as i fumbled with the doppler. My stomach was very tight but i didnt feel any cramping. As soon as i put the doppler to my belly i heard the heartbeat - 160. THANK GOD!

We were pretty quiet on the ride to the hospital and i was quite impressed on how calm i was.

When we got there it took 45 minutes for my doctor to come in. He did a quick u/s to check on Little Babe, he was bebooping all around with a nice strong heartbeat. But he couldnt find why i was bleeding. He checked my cervix and it was closed. PHEW. He ordered a "formal" u/s to try to find the source of the bleeding and to check gestational age (make sure there wasnt a lag in growth).

They took almost 2 hours until we got that and they wouldnt feed me until that was done for some reason, I was STARVING. So we get the formal u/s and Little Babe measures 14w2d (i was 13.4) so that was really good, heartbeat was 160. So LB could have cared less i was loosing blood like it was my job.

So we found out i had a low lying placenta and a subchorionic bleed. Dr. B put me on bedrest for 2 weeks. I bleed pretty good until about 2am, now its just brown spotting, THANK GOD!

They also took me off Lovenox until i have no bleeding for 24 hours. If nothing major happens by 3pm tomorrow, im gonna call and ask to start it again since i feel very nervous being off of it. Id also like another u/s to check on the bleeding but i dont know if they are going to do that. It seemed like Dr. B will just check it again at my "big" u/s on may 9th - ARGH - long ways away! But im sure if i call and ask for one, he'll give me one.

So time is standing still and im secretly scared to death (but very hopeful). Im so thankful i have my doppler, ive been checking the heatbeat every 3 hours.

Keep us in your thoughts!

2nd Trimester!!

Today im 13w3d! So the 2T starts today. Im super psyched but still nervous. But this is a HUGE hurdle!!

Im feeling alot better. Im still having a tough time sleeping, last night i slept for 5 hours straight! I woke up at 530am and felt great! But i have to work tonight so i need to take a nap beforehand. The queasiness is basically gone but the hunger is returning. I need to eat every 3 hours. Im trying my hardest to eat well. I really dont want to gain too much weight since i had 20 pounds to lose pre-pregnancy.

I had my first OB appt today. He did a quick u/s just to see the heartbeat and make sure everything looks good. He said im in the "normal" category and it looks like im gonna be pretty "boring" - FINE BY ME!!

Little babe was pretty much just hanging out. I could see the heart beating away so that relieved me (even though i checked it right before we left LOL). LB did measure a tad on the smaller side (5 days behind) but Dr. B said he was scrunched up and the abdominal u/s isnt as accurate. Also after 12 weeks CRL isnt accurate anymore, so he told me not to worry but im secretly freaking out. I checked LBs heartbeat again and its still going strong at 160-170, thats more important.

I wasnt going to bring out my plan for 38 week induction, but he did! He said once 35 weeks hits he'll start doing internals and once i start dialating its induction time!! So hes hoping 37 weeks! WOO-HOO! But my sister didnt start dialating until she was 40 weeks so i dont know what will happen if that happens, probably c-section. He def wants me not to go past 38 weeks so we'll see!!

I also start getting growth u/s @ 24weeks and then every 4 weeks after that! No complaints there! Ill also start getting BPP at 35 weeks i think he said (maybe earlier).

So i go back 4/24 to OB med, then 5/1 for my 17 week appt. Then May 9th is the "big" us, when we will find out what we are having!

a little late.12 week belly pic and my puppies

SADIE- caught looking out the window for "KITTIES!"

NALA - stole petes hat and always has to have a bone nearby :)

OK heres the belly pics:

This is exactly 12 weeks in the morning when my belly isnt poking out as much. So i call this my "real" belly.

IM HUGE! This is at night. For some reason my belly gets bigger at night (this was taken 12w3d)

12 weeks!

It all depends on where you read, but im either in the 2T today, next week or the start of 14 weeks...confusing! Im counting 13 weeks as the 2T so one week to go!

Im feeling pretty good. Nights have been the worst. And im still waking up late at night and having a tough time falling back to sleep. I also am having the wonderful symptom of extra sliva...i never knew this was a symptom until i read about it...now i know why im spitting when i talk! lol

I did take a pic today but i had to do it myself, im going to have pete take one tomorrow.

So no appts this week, i think this is the first time since July i havent had a weekly appy SOMEWHERE!

Well im off for my daily 3 mile walk. Im trying to only gain 20 pounds during this pregnancy. So far ive gained 2-3 pounds.

i GRADUATED!!!

Today was my last RE appt.!!!

Little Babe is growing strong , measuring one day ahead and his HB ws 156-160. He was SO BIG! This all still feels so surreal!

I also filled out my OB paperwork and got my prenatal labs drawn. I go 4/3 for my first OB appt. I CANNOT wait!

My last PIO injection was yesterday! My bum already feels better!

AND i got my doppler a few days ago so i can listen to his HB whenever i want! YAY!

Its a good day!

11 week update!

I didnt get to post this weekend b/c we were going, going, going!

Saturdy Pete and i did a bunch of errands & went to the Home Show and to Cheesecke Factory. It was a really good day :)

Then yesterday was our family dinner, my family and petes family all got together and Sage even came! Shes just so stinking cute!! :) We had prime rib and everything came out perfect.

So pregnancy wise things are still the same (YAY!) Im still excruiciatingly exhausted and could sleep all day if i could! The queasiness comes and goes, smells are still gettting to me (beer and raw seafood are the WORST! and the weirdest one is cleaning products!) My breasts are a little fuller and are painful if someone pushes on them, but normally feel fine. My intestines still are on vacation which is NOT helping the bloating situation i got going on!

I ordered a doppler on thursday and i think i may get it today!! i hope i can find the heartbeat!! My last weekly u/s is wednesday and im hoping curry can come b/c its my last one until the "big" one.

So thats it, ill update on wednesday! :)

10.6 and 5 week belly pictures

Ok everyone better be proud i FINALLY figured out how to upload pictures!! These first pictures are from today & 10 week and 6 days. I actually feel like the bloating is calming down. I have now gained one pound.

This is 5 weeks with a non-IVF pregnancy so the "extreme" bloating" is not present. Now i just have to figure out how to scan my u/s pictures!!

Little Babe update!

U/s was amazing. HB 168 measured 10w 5d (one day ahead!).

We saw the legs, arms (no longer "buds"), the brain, teeth? (hey thats what the doctor said lol), the umbilical cord pulsating, his little alien face. He was moving all over and got really pissed when i poked him to move some when he was quiet hehe :)

The doctor was going to keep me on the PIO shots until next week but i told her i just couldnt do it anymore! It is KILLING me now! So we start weaning on Saturday and ill take my last shot on tuesday @ 11w3d...oh it will be a JOYOUS day!!!

She was much better today besides the fact she called my bump - obesity! NICE HUH?

Whatever! Little babe is doing faboulous and thats all the counts! :)

Little Babe update!

U/s was amazing. HB 168 measured 10w 5d (one day ahead!).

We saw the legs, arms (no longer "buds"), the brain, teeth? (hey thats what the doctor said lol), the umbilical cord pulsating, his little alien face. He was moving all over and got really pissed when i poked him to move some when he was quiet hehe :)

The doctor was going to keep me on the PIO shots until next week but i told her i just couldnt do it anymore! It is KILLING me now! So we start weaning on Saturday and ill take my last shot on tuesday @ 11w3d...oh it will be a JOYOUS day!!!

She was much better today besides the fact she called my bump - obesity! NICE HUH?

Whatever! Little babe is doing faboulous and thats all the counts! :)

10 weeks!

DOUBLE DIGITS!!!

Im so psyched to be 10 weeks! I never thought this would happen, but each week i keep moving along...i still cant believe it!

My symptoms seem to be lessening a bit. Im still queasy and tired. The symptom that reared its ugly head this week was extreme moodiness. Like yesterday, i went and visited Curry and Sage, i was fine, no exhaustion, queasiness, some hunger but i have good control over that now. But on my way home i was very queasy and by the time i got home i wanted to bite someones head off. Its awful and i hate being that way!! At least i warn people and i they know its not "me" but SHEESH i was sensitive to begin with and now EVERYTHING bothers me! I hope this doesnt last for too much longer.

Work has been really tough to get through. By 5-6p (sometimes earlier) i feel like im not gonna make it. Makes for a VERY long night!! I barely walk in the door and im about to zonk out! But lately ive been waking up between 2-4a WIDE awake and takes forever to get back to sleep. I guessmy body is already getting me used to the babe. Itd be interesting to see if thats an active time for the babe once it starts moving!

Im still on the PIO shots, i was hoping today was going the day to start weaning off of them but Dr. P wants to wait until next week. So hopefully on Wed. ill find out how the weaning will work. My u/s this week is at 3pm, late but at least i get one. Then the following week is most likely my last one. As much as i like these weekly appointments, im ready to be a "normal" pregnant person. Most patients are released to their OBs by now but with my history im staying until 12 weeks. Its OK, i really like Dr. P(even though she kinda pissed me off this week).

Pete has been great! I think now that we are past "the critical" stage hes starting to warm up to this, which makes me VERY happy! He sings to the babe and kisses my belly, its very cute! He understands i dont have the energy i wish i had, which is good.

We took another belly pic today. I look a LITTLE different but it could just be the pants im wearing. Ill post the pics once i figure out how too.

But is anyone even reading this to see them? I get so many hits but no comments, whats up with that?

9.5 u/s and frustration

This could be 2 posts but im too tired to do that!

First, babe is doing wonderfully! Measuring right on track with a heartrate of 172. He (just my feeling) was doing a little jig, it was so cool!! We go back the next 2 wednesdays for u/s and then im kicked out to Dr. B (FINALLY!) Im still on the PIO and will start weaning off of it next week (11 weeks).

Now for my vent. Now im starting to think its just me or that i really dont have ANYONE who understands what im going through (this is what im leaning towards). Yesterday i asked (what i thought) was normal questions to the doctor. Instead of getting reassuring answers, i got "calm down and realx" "dont worry about it"," wow, youve got a long way to go to be this worried." Frankly, it PISSED me off!!

Ive only known about losing pregnancies so, yes, im PETRIFIED on occasions. Ive never been 9.5 weeks pregnant so i dont know what "normal" sensations are! I feel the doctor is there to help you along and calm you, not PISS you off and make you feel like your dumb.

The past week ive been overly sensitive, so maybe it IS me, but it still irritated me! Its like i feel it was OK to be scared from 4-8weeks but not its time to buckle up and relax....ill let you know how that goes!

9 weeks!

i get so excited for Saturdays!!

Ive actually been feeling OK for the past 2 days, which freaks me out, but its nice to have a reprieve. But really, it hasnt been that bad. I think i slept away the past 3 weeks. My queasiness is pretty constant on the days it comes, the dizziness is still here but not as bad (the protein must be helping), the bloating is still in full force but with softball sized ovaries and the progesterone, i guess its what to be expected. My smell is still wicked strong and cooking dinner is a feat but no puking. Ive had times where i WISH i could but nothing.

I think i might be feeling alittle better b/c i just had 4 days off of work, its been nice and ive been able to rest. Or it could be b/c im just getting used to things.

Last night i had to go get some maternity jeans. The bloating and the lovenox bruises where making it impossible to be comfortable. It will be nice when i actually need them for a baby belly :) Its weird how the sizes run S, M, L, ect. But they are super comfy.

Wed. is my next u/s and i hope it goes well. I dont know what im gonna do when i cant see the babe every week, its so cool to see the development happen!

8 week us and vent about ppl who dont GET it!

Most importantly our babe is doing fabulous!! It look like a little baby now. We saw the head, ears, legs, hands, belly and the heart pumping away. The babe even MOVED!! So cool!!

The appointment was def. educational. First i found out that the stitch i have never dissolved!! Its been causing some pinching so Dr. P had to take it out because it was causing irritation. That hurt like a BITCH! There was another piece but when she pulled on it...HOLY SHIT! So i told her to leave it be and see if it still bothers me, then we'll take care of it.

Then she informs me i have a yeast injection!?!? I didnt even KNOW!

Then she tells me not to eat carbs to help with my queasiness/dizziness. The carbs, i guess, cause your blood sugar to drop or doesnt keep it stable for a long period of time so that why i feel shitty every hour. So she said PROTEIN is best! Now why does everyone tell you to eat saltines if they make matters worse! So now i have peanut butter crackers, trail mix, and cheese by my side to ease the pukey feelings.

So we are going back next wednesday and the following one for more u/s's. It doesnt seem like i get released back to Dr. B until week 12 but thats OK, these u/s's are a godsend, even though i get SO NERVOUS beforehand.

Speaking of nervous, heres my vent! Now ive been through ALOT and i know that all of this can be ripped away in an instant. I know full well about missed m/c so i get scared before my u/s's. My mother came with me and the WHOLE time shes telling me to "lighten up"...but the 6th time she said it i was about to SNAP!! Nobody can understnad my fears except for ME. So instead of disreguarding them or making them seem insignificant, be supportive and calming! GRR!

Another thing i didnt think would happen is pete is still very distant about this pregnancy. He is getting better. But he doesnt seem relieved when the u/s goes well like i do. He admitted last night he is still nervous, so am i but disreguarding the whole situation kinda makes me feel alone with this.

Ill just be so happy when this trimester is over and we move into the 2T. 4 more weeks...28 days..we can do it! :)

8 weeks!!

For some reason 8 weeks is huge for me, no particular reason but im SO HAPPY to be here!! Im still feeling pretty much the same tired, hungry and queasy..dizzy spells are becoming more pronounced, i also have bionic smells (which is not always a good thing). The exhaustion is by far the dominant symptom!

2 more weeks and we get to start weaning off the PIO injections. They are not a bother but my skin if starting to hate the bandaids. And my hips are slightly numb from all the poking.

Earlier this week we switched to Lovenox instead of Heparin. Im on 30mg 2x a day. So far, so good.

Wednesday is u/s #3 and im praying everything is still perfect in there. The babe is the size of a large grape right now and my uterus is the size of a grapefruit. Ive been feeling alot of strtching going on in there. Its so fun to know im growing!!!

Speaking about growing, my pants no longer button!! i havent gained any weight but my waist is fading. Im hoping to wait to buy maternity clothes until at least 12 weeks. Id hate to buy them and then have something happen!! So it looks like ill be living in sweats for the next month (what else is new :) ).

We also took out first belly pic today, its unbelievable the change so far!!

Who slipped me the Roofies!

Sorry for a lack of updates this week and theres alot to update.

I have been so EXHAUSTED!! It takes everything to stay away. I worked mon-wed. and it was SO HARD to get through it! My queasiness/ extreme hunger is still here. I havent puked but i get really burpy where i feel like i will but then it passes. I get pretty dizzy/nausous in the morning or if i get up to quick.

So this week had some drama in it.

On Tuesday i had some brown staining on my undies and when i wiped it looked like i had brown pee. It was the same stuff i had 2 weeks ago but it was more and it freaked me out even more b/c now i know we have a baby with a heartbeat.

I told pete and he basically told me to go bed and call in the morning ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! I couldnt sleep, so off to the ER we went!

We had to wait quite awhile for the u/s and exam. When they finally did it everything was perfectly fine! The babe was HUGE compared to last week, it measured 7w2d (but since it was 2a the doc said id prob. be 7w3d that day) so im only measuring one day behind which is nothing, so that made me feel alot better!

The heartrate was 162, also perfect and we actually got to HEAR it!!

The spotting has since stopped and the doc said it most likely is from the stitch in my cervix thats still there from my ER. It would have been nice if someone TOLD me that could happen!!

So things are good but i gotta go back to sleep!

7 weeks!

i made it through week 6 - whew!

Ive been very queasy, tired, and hungry (but with MAJOR food adversions) this week. If i dont eat every 2 hours, we got a problem! Im trying really hard to make good choices but sometimes stouffers mac and cheese is the only thing that sounds good. Earlier this week i had chicken noodle soup for breakfast! Pete was like "OK, your def. pregnant!" LOL.

Work is very hard to get through. Around 7 i feel like someone drugged me, i get a very fuzzy feeling - like my perception/equalibrium is off, its very strange. I dont know how i made it home last night i was so zonked!

My sisters constant vomiting happened this week. We shall see. On wednesday my beta was 32,152 so its climbing nicely - it seems like i should have enough hormones to drive me to puke, but nothing yet. I do have consistent queasiness - does that count?

Im calling tuesday for them "to fit me in" for a reassurance u/s. I cant wait to see the babe again and know everything is still going well! The nurse said once i get to week 10 i could take a good breathe...little does she know i take a "good breathe" everyday i wake up and im still pregnant!

Pete and I are going to babysit Sage ALL day today. Im really excited about that. Shes so big now and so much fun!!

Happy Heartbeat Day!!

Today was our 'Viable pregnancy" check and we have a HEARTBEAT!!!

I was so very nervous, but it all worked out well! My doctor did the u/s (you usually have to go to the hospital to get it done by a tech but Dr. P is awesome and likes to do everything herself!, LOVE HER!) Anyways she walks in asks how im feeling, blah, blah, i told her i was really nervous. She understood and got right down to it!

The probe didnt even feel like it was all the way in when she announced "theres the heartbeat!" i was like really? I suddenly felt alot better!

The dam u/s screen was really blurry and she was having a hard time measuring the babe, the best meaurement she got was 6w2d (im 6w4d) but she said that was perfect and the heartbeat was going at a very nice pace.

We got pictures and im super-psyched!

I really didnt think my body knew how to do this b/c ive never had a pregnancy form, just funky beta numbers. So this is HUGE!!!

We're gonna go back next week for my own peace of mind and the following week and a "real" appt.

My symtoms come and go, i feel pretty queasy most of the day, but no puking yet, my bbs really dont hurt but they stil feel like a fire is burning inside them every once in awhile, my nipples feel like they fall asleep too, i got some new veins poking out and i have the montgomery glands BIG time! Im also really thirsy and in turn im peeing ALOT.

I just cant believe this is happening! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

6 weeks

Today marks 6 weeks. 6 weeks is a scary week for me b/c this is the week i usually m/c (even though i find out about 4 1/2 to 5 weeks that its going to happen.)

Im having alot of up and down days. Yesterday i felt so hopeful and felt good throughout the day. Today im a blubbering idiot and scared to death, im convinced DOOM is right around the corner! :/.

I dont think its helping that the past day and a half im feeling pretty good. Since 4 1/2 weeks ive felt VERY hungry and queasy, tired, and dizzy spells. Yesterday i felt great, besides the fact i was sleeping @8pm, but the overwhelming hunger was at bay. Today i think my nervousness is masking ANYTHING i may feel. (although, the bloating is still in full force.)

Most ppl would feel forunate they feel good, but i WANT to feel like crap. You try so long to have a healthy pregnancy, that you want to feel ALL the symptoms to remind you your pregnant.

Wednesday cant come soon enough.

6326!

Thats my beta number. I was hoping for 4000, if it doubled exactly it would have been 5880, so we have a doubling time of 45.5 hours. I am SO relieved!!!

heres the recap
16dpo 261
18dpo 490
25dpo 6326

Im not the emotional type, i usually can handle things pretty well. But i keep crying on the phone with the nurse when i get this news!!

Now i have 6 more days until my u/s. Im working the weekend and monday, so it should go by fast.

Work is concerning me, when i do alot of activity i feel crampy and last night i had the TEENIEST amount of brownish liquid (i would have NEVER noticed it, if i wasnt looking for it). It freaked me out, but i have nothing but my white creamy discharge again. I am NOT LOOKING for it again!!

I saw Dr. B last night at work. Hes very happy for me. I cant wait to be back in his care. Hes a wonderful doctor.

Nightmares

Im sure its completely normal to have these. I had my first last night (not too bad). I got the call that my beta was only 935 and then i started bleeding. I was SO THANKFUL when i woke up that it was just a dream!

Ive been doing really well with not inspecting the tiolet paper for blood. I pat, throw it in the tiolet and flush. If its not on my underwear, im not looking for it!

I just cant wait for this beta number to come back. I want it between 3500-4500. PLEASE!!!PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!

Then the next obsession will then be my u/s.

And no, i dont think its twins...really, id be SHOCKED if it was!

5w2d

I made it through the weekend. It was a tough one, it being my dads anniversary and the fact that im so scared about my betas.

We went up to NH to spend the weekend with melissa and warren. We had a good time and it helped get my mind off things.

My symptoms are still present they are:

sore bbs (not consistently)
queasy (been most of the day today)
gassy/bloated/constipated (i seriously look 4mo. preggo)
HUNGRY(if i dont eat AS SOON as i feel hunger, im queasy)
thirsty/frequent urination
cramping, more like sharp stabs every now and then

Thats about it, im wondering when this gassy/stomach turning queasiness is going to land me running to the tiolet. Im taking all these symptoms as a good sign.

My next beta is wednesday and im so scared they are gonna call me and say "its all over". I just wish that damn beta doubled, i dont think id be so nervous about it. The next couple weeks are going to DRAG.

Dad..

It was 1 year ago today i rushed up to the hospital with my mother b/c my dad wasnt doing so well. When i got there he was laying on the stretcher in the ER, barely conscious, and it wasnt because they drugged him up, it was b/c he was so weak.

You see my Dad had issues. He was a heavy smoker/drinker and didnt think anything bad was ever going to happen to him. Over the past year leading up to this visit he was in the hospital every 4-6weeks for detoxing and COPD flare-ups. Its a long story but to sum it up quickly, he got sick and didnt do much to try to help himself, so time got the best of him.

I knew this time was going to be different. I knew this was the end. Being the nurse in the family the decisions were mine. At first they didnt know if it was an infection or pnemonia. He was in ALOT of pain and he couldnt lay flat b/c of the COPD. The doctors wanted to send him for a CTScan, put in a central line and send him to ICU were he possibly would be intubated.

He couldnt lay down for the CTScan. My mom, my sister and I decided it would be best to just make him comfortable, instead of torturing him. It was the hardest decision. It had to be about his quality of life and if he was vented and in pain and most likely given a trach, i couldnt let that happen. The poor guy suffered enough.

The doctors didnt like our decision. They were like "hes only 52." Yes, he was, but his body was 100. He wasnt able to walk to the bathroom without being in pain, all he did was sleep. He was blind. He needed 02 24/7. It was awful. I cant describe how bad it was.

The next day he was in a regular room getting antibiotics. He heard me come in and said "Tor, im in SO MUCH pain!" It turns out he had a nursing student and the last pain med he got was in the ER, over 12 hours ago!!! I was pissed!!

Once i fonally got him some pain medicine the doctors came in to tell us he has a staph infection in his blood, all 4 of them and that he was going into DIC (his blood was basically becoming water and he was going to start bleeding to death..out of his ears, eyes, mouth). We had to make the decision to stop all medicines and put him on a morphine drip to let him go.

I wont get into the details what happened throughout the next 24 hours, but it was the worst day of my life. I watched my Dad die. I heard his last breathe, i held his hand, and told him it was OK to go. It was the most tramatic thing i ever witnessed. My poor dad, like the doctor said, he was only 52!

I miss him very much and wish so hard i could have one more day with him.

Hold onto the ones you love b/c you never know when they wont be here.

I love you Dad!

Scared to DEATH!

Ok this post might be all over the place b/c thats where my thoughts are right now and i just need to take a minute and try to sort them out.

I am absolutey scared shitless that im going to lose this baby. I hardly slept last night b/c my beta number didnt double in 48 hours, it was 51 hours. I know its fine and normal and blah blah blah. But i go through beta hell when i get pregnant and this time i just wanted it to be PERFECT!!

I know i need to calm down but, its just not that easy.Im taking it not only one hour at a time but one second at a time. Im contemplating about calling to get another beta done tomorrow to put my mind at ease but what if it did the same thing? Then im REALLY gonna need to be admitted to a psych ward.

I know i should be happy and relish in the fact that im actually pregnant but i cant help but think something is going to go terribly wrong or im not having enough symptoms and now my beta didnt double.

See this is what miscarriages do to ppl, fuck em all up! I wish i could be like my sister and just know she was pregnant and move on. She didnt analyze every twiches, cramp, booby pain. She just lived and was niave. I WANT TO BE NIAVE!

But i cant b/c on top of researching for the past 2 years on infertility and everything that comes with it, im a freaking postpartum nurse and SEE what can happen! I know TOO MUCH.

I need a sedative until this baby is born!

Beta #2

I went to see dreamgirls with my mom today to make the waiting a tad more bearable. The movie was good but i couldnt concentrate! Pete called my cell to tell me the nurse just called. My beta is 490. Thats a doubling time of 51 hours (it needs to double every 48-72 hours).

Now im sitting here nervous as all hell b/c it didnt double in 48 hours. Yes, im crazy, but after everything ive been through, im SO scared!!

The message boards im a part of have been a LIFESAVER. There are some wonderful women who are helping ease my fears.

One day at a time....

My u/s is Valentines Day (ill be 6w4d) im hoping we see a heartbeat and that everything looks perfect. I am going back for another beta next wednesday (apparently just for torture!)

Thanks for all the well-wishes!

OHMIGOD!!!

You guessed it.....IM PREGNANT!!!!!!

I am BEYOND thrilled. I know for a fact i got a LONG way to go but im SO HAPPY!!

So heres how it went down:

Saturday night i was having a mental breakdown and NEEDED to know. So pete went out and bought a digital test b/c he hates the whole "is that a line?" saga.

I wake up on sunday (now im a day late) and i chicken out! I figure i have 2 more days of shots i need to take one way or the other and im gonna be so PISSED if i have to do the PIO and not be pregnant. So i wait...

Monday morning comes (beta day). Im still too scared but if it was going to be negative i wanted to know. So pete shoots me in the bum and i walk around the house aimlessly until i get the courage to take the test. Finally, i convince myself to do it (but only b/c i was about to pee my pants!)

So its a digital and ive never taken one of those before. The little screen has a pregnancy stick flashing in it while its "reading" the results... OMG TORTURE!!! At least with the line tests you can watch the lines FORM!! So im sitting on the tiolet trying not to look, then all of a sudden the blinking stops and the word PREGNANT is in the screen.

So now im FREAKING OUT! I fumble and pull up my pants and yell/scream for pete...im running but i cant even feel my legs and i can hear my voice but it doesnt sound like myself! I find Pete down cellar and hes running up the stairs as im running down them. We stop in the middle and i shove the freshly peed on stick in his face "IT SAYS PREGNANT!!!!" and he said "I knew you were!" and i said "well I DIDNT!!!"

Now im laughing and crying all at the same time. I was(am) so overwhelmed!!! This WORKED!

So i pull myself together(kinda) and head off to providence for my beta. This was going to be the true test. All my betas have been low so i was nervous that the same thing was going to happen...again.

I got the call around 2pm and my beta was 261!!! The average beta for right now is 95! So im sitting on the phone with the nurse saying "ohmigod,ohmigod,ohmigod!!!". She trying to tell me the next steps but i cant think, i have to sit down and all i can mutter is "ohmigod!"

The next draw is wed to see if it goes up at least 60%. If it does then they will schedule my u/s.

Our family is THRILLED, but cautiously excited.

YAYAYAYAYAY!!!

Getting Close

Last Christmas i worked with 2 other girls who were trying to get pregnant. Last week i took care of one of them, she had a little girl to go perfectly with her already 18 mo. old baby boy. Last night at work the other had her baby, a little boy to go perfectly with her already 1 and 3 y.o. little girls...HUMPH!

Im happy for them, but when is it my turn? We are good people. Why cant we have kids? I know i shouldnt doubt right now, i dont know whether or not this IVF worked but i cant help but think it didnt.

That will be 8000 dollars down the drain!! ARGH!

I dont want a pity party, im just frustrated with this whole situation. The past 2 years have been really tough, i try not to think about it all but, sometimes it overwhelming. When is it our turn for something good to happen.

It may be a coping mechanism but i tell myself we dont deserve a family. Like someone else out there whose struggled harder should get it before me. But, now im getting irritated. Take away the baby from the crack head mother, or the lady with 11 kids, or the young teen whose watching nickolodeon while im checking her vital signs. Id be a good mother, let me have the baby.

I also feel like i cant give my husband what he deserves. Hed be a great father. Hes so fun-loving and patient. He deserves this. He's been so good thoughout this whole thing. Even though he remains strong for me, i know this is killing him inside. One, b/c im in pain and two, he wants a family just as much as i do.

We know it will happen, its just the matter of how and when. Im, personally, sick of waiting. Its been 1 and a half years of hurt, pain and frustration. Its been 3 m/c's and now 2 IVF's, numerous procedures and about 50 blood draws (thats not exaggerated, i counted!). Im ready for this to be over.

And i hope it is in 3 days....im ready for a new beginning!

7dp5dt

For those who have NO CLUE what that means its 7 days past 5 day transfer...so 12 days since conception and 2 days away from my period.

So lets talk about these cramps. They only come on at night when im sleeping, they are so strong they are in my dreams and they wake me up! They are always in the same spot, like on one side of my uterus, not the whole thing...weird.

My bbs are slowly fading with the soreness. Every now and then i get a sharp pain or dull twinge or my nipples feel like they fell asleep, but they are not constantly sore. Im trying not to read to much into this.

So we are still waiting...waiting and WAITING!

Freak Out

This is my freak out from yesterday.


I think my sanity is slowly disapatting....

Yesterday my nips were ON FIRE, so much so it woke me up from a dead sleep. I took this as a very good sign and actually enjoyed feeling the pain b/c i was thinking it was from my babes saying "HI,Mom, we're in nice and tight!"

Well today i woke up from a dead sleep b/c i realized they werent tender/sore/on fire NOTHING!! So now i feel DOOMED!!!

Ive been able to pretty much hold myself together throughout this process, but now i think im going overboard. I know that symtptoms come and go but still ...IM FREAKING OUT!

Then yesterday they called me with my prog level and it was 19.7 (they like it above 20) so now im up to 2cc of PIO...i know full well its fine and prog rises and falls..blah, blah, but...yup, you guessed it IM FREAKING OUT!

Today im 5dp5dt, so im coming close and just so scared this didnt work. We dont have enough money to do another cycle right away, i know i have time on my side, but i just want a baby NOW!!

Today im feeling better. My breasts are on/off sore but no more fire nipples, the cramps are still there off and on as well, they are always in the same spot so im hoping its just the place of implanatation. Thats really it. Today im 6dp5dt so its still early. I have not POAS and i dont have any in the house. I may take one on saturday, when my period is due so i have a more accurate reading.

So im hanging in there and just praying this is it!!

One week left...

Ok. so here are my symptoms (which are hopefully something!!)

My nipple are burning!! BURNING!! its off and on, i h ave no idea when the fire will be set, but it kinda takes my breathe away when it happens.

Crampiness started sat. night. I have crampiness last time, so i dont know what to think of it.

Thats it. Im getting scared that its not going to work but im trying to remain positive. I went today for a prog check to see if i need to adjust the PIO.

7 more days...

It hasnt sunk in....

I keep saying over and over "i did IVF and there 2 babies trying to implant right NOW!". I just cant seem to wrap my mind around it this time. Im alot calmer than last time and i know the reality that it may not take. But i cant even think of that either!! Just writting "it may not take" makes my heart stop!!

My mom came down on thursday and is leaving today. She cleaned alot but didnt do much for me. I felt bad to ask her for something b/c she was too busy organizing all my shit! lol. But it was so nice for her to come and help out, now i dont have to worry about it. Im sad shes going.

The dogs must sense i cant play out keep getting up to let them out, theyve been so good. Sadies been next to me the whole time, hugging my feet. :) My poor girls, their life is going to be turned upside down if these babies stick!!

The PIO shots are alot better than i expected! Theres only been 1 that kinda hurt, but i think thats just cause i didnt ice the area long enough. But i have no welts/lumps/ or bruises (knock on wood).

Last time i didnt write down any symptoms andi wish i had so i knew what i was experiencing at this point. So im going to this time.
This morning i started getting booby pains, im SO hoping they are not from the PIO but from my babes burrowing in!!! I also have some creamy CM. The crampiness is very minimal, to the point where i could say theres basically none.

At this point last cycle i was in triage suffering from OHSS. I am happy to say, i feel GREAT!! Im still a tad bloated but nothing like it was before. Plus i think the bloat is from the PIO shots (they can cause constipation...i knew you wanted to know that!! :) )

So this week its back to work. Im hoping this time next week ill feel a ton of pg symptoms and i have a + HPT...but i havent decided if ill take one.

OK enough blabbering.

PGD Results/Transfer

I didnt find out until 900pm on wednesday that we had 2 HEALTHY petri-babies!!! It was a VERY long day to wait, i was going out of my mind!

So yesterday we had the transfer. I was the only one there since i had the last transfer of the day. We waited for a bit and the nurse went over our d/c instructions. Dr. P came in and wizzed by us and said "follow me". She personally wanted to do the transfer, which i thought was so nice of her.

I go in the back and sit on the stretcher. Pete sat next to me. Dr. P came out from the back (where they keep the embryos) and she showed us a picture of the babes!!! It was SO COOL!! They were hatching blasts so they were at the best stage we could ask for. The last cycle our embies were still morulas, so this was good news!!

She then showed us the PGD report. She had the sexes covered. They didnt give me the PGD report to take home so i dont know the exact abnormalites, but i know there was a Complex abnormality, Trisomy 22, and some monosomies.

She asked if we wanted to know the sexes and we did.....

BOY AND GIRL!!!

I was thrilled!!!! I hope both take!

They had a bitch of a time getting into my cervix, it took about 15 minutes of poking and prodding, it wasnt fun, but ill do what i gotta do! She finally got in and the embryologist went to go get the babes. We saw the flash of light and the 2 dots go into my uterus. Now its up to them to stick and stay!!!

The PIO shots have been fine. Im all bruised on my belly from the heparin, so its such a small price to pay to have a healthy pregnancy!!

So now im staying on the couch until saturday. I didnt do bedrest last time. Im trying to do everything different from last time!

Beta is 1/29...10 days.

Petri-Baby Update

Yesterday i got the news that 12 of the 15 were mature enough to be ICSI'd but only 7 fertilized. I was pretty bummed b/c i keep comparing cycles and i had 10 fertilize last time.

But today i got the news that all 7 are dividing!!

Right now they should be 2-4cells. We have:

1 -2 cell
1- 3 cell
4-4cell
1- 5cell

WOO-HOO!! Next update will be the PGD report and i should know that by Wed. Night. Im holding my breathe until then!

Im feeling better. Still bloated but the pain is fine. I havent taken any Vicodin all day!

We got Eggs!

Ok, this retrieval was far more painful then the first! My left ovary likes to hide so i guess they had to go in a different way. I did have 25 follicles they had to drain so maybe that extra 3 pushed me over the edge.

When i woke up i had tears rolling down my face b/c i was in so much pain. I got 2 shots of demerol which in turn, i got nauseous. Then i got phenergan which knocked me out. I couldnt keep my eyes open!! All the while they wanted me to pee. It wasnt fun.

But its all worth it, we got 15 eggs again, so im hoping for 2 healthy again.

I'll update when i get the fert report. Which should be sometime today.

Oh and i got the best sharp-shooter around, Pete did my Prog. shot this morning and i didnt even feel it!!

Follicle check #3/Triggering!!

Holy crap!

I was really hoping to stim for 8 days but it doesnt look like thats going to happen. Im triggering tonight @ 830 with ER being 8am on Saturday.

Im SO excited but SO scared!!

Follie check today showed 25 follicles with 10 mature but 7 ranging from 14-14.5mm (15mm is considered mature). My lining is 10.4. My e2 is 1645.

Freaking out over here!!!

Wow!!

I laid down the table and i keep trying not to compare my last cycle to this one. But its hard. This cycle i feel so much better (other than feeling sluggish), but physically im not as bloated and uncomfortable. Im surprised about this b/c ive been on 200u Follistim for the entire time.

So onto comparing, last time i had 16 follicles with 7 mature at this point with an E2 of 2055. This time i have 22 follicles with 3 mature. They are ranging from 10-16mm. Most are between 12-14mm.

My feeling is ill have ER on sunday, but hoping for monday.

I go back tomorrow for another check.

We got Follicles!!

Things are still going at a slower rate which im very happy about!

Last time i had 14 follicles, 4 of which were mature.

This time we had 14 follicles all ranging 10-13.5 (so none are mature). My right side is still doing all the work with 11 and my left with 3.

The nurse said she thinks ill be back thursday. But it all depends on my E2 level.

My veins are starting to crap out on me. It took 2 trys today. So im hoping i get a day off tomorrow.

Stay Tuned :)

Edited to add: E2 was 717 (was 1315 last time! @ this same time). Im going tomorrow again to check on the growth and another e2. Dr. P wants me to get to day 9 of stims (friday) but if i have a lead follicle of 20 then we trigger. Right now im at a 13.5 so if they grow 2mm a day that will take us to friday. I HOPE I HOPE!!!

First E2 level

Thankfully,things are moving slower this time. My E2 came back 232, it was 390 last time.

Im sticking with the 200u of Follistim which im nervous about b/c i dropped down to 150 last time but im going back on tuesday for a u/s and b/w to see whats cooking in there!

Im getting bloated but that could be from the junk i just ate at petes families holiday party!

This cycle is definately draining me more than last. Im really tired and it feels like the life is being sucked out of me!

I also started the heparin today and the needle that comes with it hurt like a bastard!! Im stealing some needles from work!

Getting him involved..

Last night Pete and i did my Follistim shot.

We've got quite a routine going. Since ive woke up 3 times past 9am to take lupron ( i still take it since its only like 915-930). Anyways Pete started drawing up my lupron and waking me up so i can take it. Last night he did all the prep work with the follistim as well.

I really like this b/c it allows him to be involved with all of this. He also started going to my u/s's last cycle to see the follies grow. He would write down the measurements for us and i would have the doctors sheet in my hand. It also helps to have him there b/c my left ovary is a bitch to find so he writes everything down while i push on my belly.

So we no longer can BD to make a baby but i really feel having him go to my appointments and prepare my shots makes us feel we ARE doing this TOGETHER. It also makes me feel not-so alone with this whole process.

Sunday is my first E2 level. Last time it was 390 @ that point so im curious to see what it will be this time.

Here we GO!! :)

Well i know the reality of all this but im still hoping that this cycle is IT for us.

Yesterday we went in for our PIO class and im shocked that its actually your lovehandles it goes in, not you Butt! OUCH! But whatever i got to do, ill do it!

After a whole week of spotting i FINALLY got my period and we got the go ahead to start stims tomorrow!

Im super-psyched and hoping this works!!

Cycle delayed...

I had my baseline 2 days ago..everything looked fine besides the fact i STILL havent had my period! GRRR. My estrogen was too high to start stims.

So i have to call when it decides to show...

Hopefully soon.

Side Effects...

OMG i am so PMSing!! I am so bloated and cramping with an on again off again backache! I am also feeling like a superbitch and i NEED chocolate, but theres none in the house!!

I have never taken Provera to induce a period so all of this just SUCKS!

The Lupron is fortunately treating me well (unless what im feeling is b/c of the lupron too). I have no night sweats this time.

My baseline is 4 days away, im just hoping i get my period before then (and before i explode).

What a differnce a cycle makes...

Last cycle i would count down the days, hours, minutes until the next step would occur. i would stress over how many times i could make it to acupuncture, analyze every move i made.

Not this time.

Im RELAXING, taking it one day at a time and just hoping for the best. I wake up when i wake up and take my Lupron and all my other pills and supplements and then i just go about my day.

Last cycle i had nightmare about my first Lupron injections. This time i woke up a half hour LATE to take it and just did it without blinking instead of going "1...2....i cant do it....1...2....nope".

So lets hope this attitude gives a whole new outcome as well....

Here we Go!!

found out my first IVF/PGD cycle failed on 11/26, now just about 3 weeks later im starting my 2nd cycle!!

I got my plan today and my new RE is doing things quite differently than my last.

Im starting Provera tomorrow
NO BCP's!!!! (was on them for 3 weeks last time)
Lupron 10u 12/17
baseline 12/27 ( was on Lupron for 15 days before baseline last time)
Stims 12/28 (200u Follistim, instead of 225)
Heparin starting day 4 of stims (was on Lovenox starting day of ET before)
Est ER 1/7 (shes guessing 9 days of stims - i had 7 last time)
PIO to starting day of ER (was on 600mg of supps last time.)
PGD day 3, transfer day 5.

I CANNOT believe this is happening again so soon!!

Surprising Cycle Review

Surprising b/c since i developed OHSS i was expecting to hear "you need to wait 3 months to start again." But instead i heard:

"Lets start the Lupron early next week and do the ER mid januray!"

I was shocked!!!

So heres the breakdown on what we're doing next cycle:

* Start with 200u of Follistim, instead if 225u to try to prevent OHSS
* Start Heparin day 4 of stims (she thinks i have a clotting d/o thats not found yet and since im @ increased risk of OHSS - which can lead to thrombolis...so we're starting it sooner.)
* She believes the OHSS was a factor why i did not become pregnant, but cant say for sure
* My 2 healthy boys did extremely well after going through the PGD so shes hopeful.
* She said that my ratio for normal vs. abnormal shows we should have healthy ones the next time around.
*PIO (progesterone in oil, an IM shot) instead of the supps.
*She said I WILL get pregnant, its just a matter of WHEN.

Overall, im extremely happy with the outcome. I have a fantastic doctor (i love her) and we found the reason for the m/c's. She is very proactive to achive a healthy pregnany (whereas my last RE i felt like i was fighting for him to help me.)

I cant wait to start the Lupron and get this next cycle underway!!!!

Also, mentally im doing ALOT better. Im feeling ALOT of hope with the next cycle and im trying to hold onto that. When i start to feel OK about things i automatically think negatively to protect myself. But who am i thinking? Im going to be upset if it doesnt work this next time if i protect myself or not! So im trying to remain as positive as possible!!

So here we go again!!! YAY!

The Aftermath...

Well the cycle failing def. feels like a m/c, even though im so relieved it wasnt one. There was so many factors leading up to this that i just really wanted it to work and when it didnt, i was (am) devasted :(

I try to be upbeat and remain postive but sometimes its hard. I try not to think about what things "might" have been. I could have a 6 month old right now, or be 34 weeks preggo, or 22 weeks, and now almost 6 weeks and waiting for my first u/s wondering if both stuck. But NOPE, im still sitting here wishing, hoping, and WAITING!!

But, then i go back a year and we had NO IDEA what was wrong or where to go next. A year later, 2 m/c's and one failed IVF i feel we may be getting closer. Each day brings me closer to having a family. Thats the only thought that keeps me going.

Mentally, i am feeling better. Work was a bitch to go back to. Ive been hiding in the nursery b/c i CANNOT take care of patients. If ANYONE asks me if i have kids, or if im pregnant (thank you scrub tops) i think ill have a nervous breakdown. So ive been taking care of the babies withdrawing from methadone/crack/herion ect. or the kiddos whose mothers are prostitutes who are hitting the streets and not terminating their rights so these poor babies are going to be in fostercare their whole lives! So frustrating! But they dont talk, so im good!

On the other hand, i admitted a baby the other day with severe complications and shouldnt have made it and i was actually thankful for my m/c's...weird, but its a way to cope i guess.

People have been great and very supportive. Im still in shock it didnt work. Pete says "Bitter ppl stay in the past, so lets move on." Well i see what hes saying, but i AM bitter right now. I cant help it. Im giving myself until the 12th to be pissed then its time to move forward.

Im very anxious to hear what Dr. P has to say. I may need to wait a few cycles b/c of the OHSS but i am hoping things are clear and we can start the BCPs around xmas.

I know things happen for a reason but im sick and tired of this. I want my life back. I just want a family. Why is that so hard?

No Good News! :(

Well i really suck but i just havent had the courage to post an update.

On Sat. Pete and i had sex - something we havent done in a LONG time. Afterwards i spotted very lightly and thought it was just from all the "activity" and plus i was on heparin and BA. But then Sunday i woke up to alot more than spotting, and cramps to boot :(

I was a mess on sunday. I didnt want to talk to ANYONE (besides pete and my dogs). But the phone kept ringing, everyone was concerned but i really just wanted to be left alone :(

My mom came down yesterday to go to my beta and get me out of the house, which was a def. liefsaver.

Pete and i talked. We know that this sucks - really bad. But at least it wasnt another m/c! We found answers for the m/c's during the cycle (which we didnt know if we were going to find). We now know what needs to be done.

You never know why things happen and theres gotta be a reason that this didnt work. Im putting all my energy to eat better, exercise and get ready for the next cycle.

We're going 12/12 for our f/u and to review my cycle. I also switched doctors to Dr. P b/c even though Dr. F is a smart man, he just didnt have the compassion or the flexibility im looking for (hes narrowminded and is set in his ways).

So thank you to all the wonderful ladies who are following my story. I hope ill have a happy outcome at some point to give hope to everyone going through this hell-ride.

Superstisoius

Today i am 5dp5dt. I do have symptoms to report but im not saying them b/c im way too scared to jinx myself.

My beta is the 27th and i am actually dreading it b/c im so scared if its negative!!!

PLEASE let this work!!!

Getting Better!

Well after 3 days of h*ll, im feeling better. I dont have my stamina back but im not gasping for air anymore, which is a HUGE plus! lol :)

The night i got home from the hospital i took 2 vicodin and slept - i woke up every 15 minutes to catch my breathe but the drugs allowed me to tolerate it. Sunday i couldnt say more than 2 words without feeling winded and i seriously wished they put a catheter in me b/c going to the bathroom took EVERYTHING out of me!

Last night i woke up and was scrunched down and didnt feel like i was dying so i laid all the way down and STILL felt alive! So this morning i woke up and feel 90% better! It was the stangest thing. It hit me hard and it went away pretty quicikly too! My weight is back to normal (i only gained 3 pounds) but im still slightly bloated.

Im really hoping my boys are nestling in nice and tight right now.

this will all be worth it!!

Always the 1%...

Well i overstimulated and just spent 7 hours in the ER. My ovaries are GIGANTIC and are touching eachother! Each are 5 inches across! I have a "considerable" amount of fluid in my abdomen and lungs and im having a heck of a time breathing.

They wanted to drain the fluid out of my lungs and stomach but nobody was on to do it so i got sent home to basically knock myself out and deal.

I go monday to get reevaluted. Its always something!

Of course im worried about the boys but im trying to remain calm under these circumstances...but its a little tough when you cant BREATHE!!

Sigh of Relief!!

Well i still feel like complete horse dung but the whole process is OVER. The progesterone is causing some major stomach issues and im having a hard time breathing while laying down. That could a sign of OHSS (overstimulation) so im trying to rest up and drink lots of fluids, but its no fun. But ill do whatever i need to to get my healthy babes :)

OK so its been awhile, lets see. Wednesday was AWFUL! I had to wait ALL day to get the PGD results. The doctor finally called around 630pm and told me we had 2 healthy petri-babies to transfer on thursday!! WOO-HOO!

I was so thrilled we had healthy ones. Now going into this IVF we did it to find answers for the 4 m/c's, we didnt know if we were going to find any, so its been pretty rough. But when i got that phone call i KNEW we found the reason i just didnt know what it was yet ( i only have 2 healthy babies out of 13!) Dr. P said shed call me in the am to let me know what time the transfer was going to be and give me the full report.

So 7am came yesterday and i found out WHY i was m/cing!!! Both pete and i have screwy sperm and eggs.

Heres the report: (its takes a minute to comprehend it)

X0 - Monosomy X and 18 - Means egg fertilized but pete didnt give an X or a Y,but the embie was damanged anyways (monosomy 18)

XY - normal - little boy!

XXX - polyploid - could be a dmaged egg or sperm (girl)

XX- Trisomy 16 (girl)

XY- normal - another BOY!

X0- again no X or Y from pete but the egg had trisomy 15
X0- again pete didnt give up the goods! - egg was normal

XX- another girl but monosomy 18 and trisomy 15

So we transferred 2 BOYS!! Can you believe it! My family is all girls and pete is all boys. I hope both stick! but ill be happy with one healthy baby :)

This has been a very tough couple weeks and now i just wait for my beta on the 27th. To tell you the truth im not even counting the days, im trying to stay calm and not think about it. BUt ive been talking to Chico and Horhay (petes NN for them! lol).

Thanks everyone for your support!!!!

Petri-Baby update

At this point our embies should be at the 2-4cell stage.

we got 6 4-cells and 2 - 2cells and 2 1 cells.

So its looks like we got 8 in the running as of now unless the other 2 split sometime today.

Im going to call tomorrow to see how many theyll send for PGD.

Thursday cant come soon enough!!

Petri-Babies!!

Out of the 15 eggs, 13 were able to be ICSI'd and 10 have fertilized so far! Tomorrow i call around 2 to see the progress. This is so nerve-wracking but, so far so good!!

Egg Retrieval went well

We got 15 eggs. Im happy with that number. We'll get the fertilization report tomorrow around noon. Im nervous about all of this. I just hope the next 4 days fly by.

Im really sore and needing the vicodin right when its due.

I gotta go lay back down.

Trigger Happy!

Im triggering tonight @ 9pm and going in for egg retrieval on saturday @ 7:45am!!

I cant BELIEVE this!! WOW!

The Eggs keep on coming!

Todays u/s revealed 22 eggs!! Thats 6 more overnight!! I wonder if going to acupuncture yesterday had anything to do with it!!

My right side is very sore, it has 16 of the eggs in it! The left has 6 right now but thats the side thats hard to see. 12 are mature and its very likely they will trigger me tonight! The mature ones rnge from 15- 21.5mm and the rest are 10-13.5mm. We only have about 2 or 3 that will potentially make it to maturity if we trigger tonight. EDITED to say: I counted wrong we have 8 that are ranging from 12- 13.5 and may potentially make it to maturity by saturday!

My e2 yesterday was 2055, so we are right on track.

I should know by 3pm what the next plan is.

Still FREAKING out!!

Sage Victoria Watson

Egg Update

Today there was 16 eggs, 7 or so mature and the rest were very close to it. My right side has 11 and my left 5. Mt left ovary is hard to visualize so the nurse said i may have more eggs then what we are seeing.

Ill get the call tonight to see what the next step is. Its looking like ill do one more night of Follistim and trigger tomorrow.

Im FREAKING out!

IVF stuff and SAGE!!!!

My sister FINALLY had the baby!!

Sage Victoria was born @ 739pm 8lbs 8.7oz 21 1/1 inches!! No epidural! She was amazing, it was the most incredible thing i have ever witnessed!! I love that sweet baby to pieces and i wish i could see her everyday!

OK now onto my fertility drama:

Ive been stimming now for 7 days. I went in on sunday (day 3) for my b/w and my e2 was skyhigh @ 390- its normally around 100-150! So they dropped my dose to 150 for sun and monday.

Today i went in for my u/s and b/w and there was multiple little follicles and 14 measurable follies, 4 were mature and the rest were VERY close to it! My e2 came back 1315- still high but OK at this point. No one at my RE's office seems too concerned but im freaking out that im stimming quickly!

I go back tomorrow for another u/s and b/w. Im guessing ill trigger on thursday, but its still up in the air.

Im feeling OK. Im tender and bloated but not anything too crazy. Im just trying to keep my mind off things, and hoping we get some very GOOD NEWS at the end of the month!!

Ready, Set, GO!!!

I had my baseline u/s yesterday and im happy to report we got the greenlight to start my stims tonight(225u of Follistim).

I had multiple little follicles (what hold eggs) on my right side and a small cyst on my left. My E2 was 27 (it had to be below 70). They stressed me out b/c of the cyst, they said i may need to wait a week if my E2 was high, but its not and we're moving ahead!

The next appt is sunday for a bloodraw to see how to adjust my drug dosage if needed.

Im getting excited!!!

Hurry Up and Wait...

For the past month and a half ive been trying not to pay attention to time. But now that things are going to start moving this week, the days are dragging! I cant wait for my baseline and start doing the stim drugs! I just want to get this moving!!!

Pete is gone for the week :( he left yesterday and i already miss him terribly.

Usually this week my mom comes down to spend time with me but between the 2 of us we have 6 dogs! Theres no way thats gonna work, so im all alone, oh well. It didnt help yesterday when our kitchen ceiling started LEAKING! I had to break a hole through the ceiling and i bunch of water came flying down! It was a mess!! Thank goodness it stopped raining!

Curry STILL has NOT had Saige! Im dying over here! She bought this inducing cream cheese and i think shes going to try it this morning, hopefully it works! I had a dream she had her so maybe it will be today?!

Also i switched acupuncturists. Im going to a woman now who actually talks English and EXPLAINS to me what shes doing! Its pretty cool. She said i have weak kidneys and the kidneys is what supports a pregnancy! Who knew? So we're fixing my kidneys! SHe also gave my a moxibustion (sp?) stick to do it myself at home and put "earballs" in my ears to help with stress and anxiety. Let me tell ya, i already feel a difference! I highly recommend acupuncture!!

Gotta go Sadie needs to poop!

small update with not much news

the only big thing that has happened since my last update is im off the BCPs and ive been on the Lupron for one week. The Lupron is treating me well, i only have clammy night sweats but not every night. AF is showing right on time, im spotting and very emotional and it should be full force on friday.

The RE office hasnt called yet with my Mycoplasma results, so im still waiting.

Curry is still pregnant, her due date is friday. We all are getting impatient, i cant wait to meet Saige!

I did it MYSELF!!!

This morning was my first Lupron shot and i was scared to DEATH!!! I was having nightmares ALL night! So i finally said "screw it" and got up to do it. Pete did my heparin shots with my last pregnancy b/c im such a baby (yes, i know, being a nurse i should have no problems, but its different when its YOU!) But im happy to report that it was ME to did the injection!!! It didnt even hurt! Im so excited to do my next one now HAHA!!

Today was a very eventful day. I had the consult with Dr. P to go over the PGD. She was SO NICE!! She actually talked TO us not AT us! She even went through my whole chart and suggested quite a few things that would help our odds.

First she thinks theres an implantation issue. So she suggests starting the Lovenox right after transfer. Im psyched about that, ive been TRYING to get someone to LISTEN to me about my ideas and was getting NOWHERE. But SHE brought it up!! So we are going to do that.

Second, sometimes ppl with RPL have too many sperm penetrate the egg causing the m/c's so we are doing ICSI (one single sperm is injected into the egg.)

Lastly, she doesnt think the mycoplasma is causing the m/c's but is concerned that i only have taken a 10 day course of antibiotics to treat the endometrtis i had back in march. So if the mycoplasma comes back + again then im going on a 21 course treatment. I had the option of getting another endo biopsy done but i just feel ive had too many instruments stuck up me and it will just cause things to get worse. Id rather just take the antibiotics.

So all in all it was a very good appt. I feel HOPE for the first time in months. She feels we have a chance. Im very curious to see where this will lead.

Onto normal life events. We got a black lab puppy on Saturday named Sadie - shes a sweet little thing. Nala is adapting very well to her. Ill post some pics soon.
Also Curry is still holding in. She went to the docs today and shes not dilating or effaced yet so they wont be inducing her :( She 39weeks on friday - that baby has got to come out!

Happy Birthday and other things

My birthday was good. 25. I know thats young but,it hit me hard, im no longer a "kid" ( i guess being married, owning a house, graduating college, and having a career didnt already tell me that! lol).

My Sonohystergram went well. My lining is smooth and no abnormalities were found THANK GOD! Not one person at the RE's office said happy birthday and i must have said my birth date 100 times! Whatever.

During the sonohystergram my cervix was very tender and they couldnt find my left ovary. Just 2 more things to worry about.

My in-laws and SIL and kids came over for dinner and my mom stayed the night. It was a good day all in all.

Yesterday i went in for my RE consult to go over my "plan". He's worried about my hyperstimulating b/c im so young. We are starting off with the standard 225 of Follistim but getting an early e2 level to make sure im going at an OK pace. But he'd rather me have alot of eggs then not enough.

So heres the dates:
10/18 start Lupron
10/22 last BCP (thank YOU!)
11/1 baseline u/s, e2
11/2 start stims
11/13 est ER
11/16 PGD anaylsis
11/18 ET

Petes sperm is "FANTASTIC". And Dr. F doesnt know for sure if the Mycoplasma is causing the m/c's. Im going in for a repeat test on the 18th so i should know the results by the 25th - pray for it to be negative!

Dr.F also reminded us to use "barrier" contraceptives, Pete asked if abstinance counted LOL. Sorry, but its hard for me to enjoy sex right now. I need emotional bonding rather then physical. Is that understandable??

onto work: Tonight i took care of Clomid TRIPLETS! Crazy! Oh, and btw my crackhead came back in a few days ago b/c she was hemmorraging and they may need to do a hysterectomy - GOOD!

And lastly, my sister has been contracting for days - so i may be an aunt this time next week!! YAY!

Birth Control Pills...

How weird is it that im taking birth control pills and using condoms right now? I took my first one yesterday and it brought me back to my teenage years were i DID NOT want a baby and now im taking them b/c I WANT ONE! Strange.

Its also strange that this whole IVF thing is now officially underway! Friday is my birthday and my mom is coming down, i think we may see a movie but i have a sonohystergram @ 2 and pete has his semen analysis that day too...Im turning 25 and it looks like the only action pete and i are getting is from doctors!

Last night i had another breakdown. Petes actions have been pissing me off lately. I have to be on him with every little thing that this entails (going to the psychiatrist,making the appt for the seman analysis, not wanting to talk about it or changing the subject ect..) It really just got to me yesterday and i just started crying at the dinner table. I HATE feeling like that. But, seriously, its so hard to stay positive EVERYDAY!

SO ive been reading others blogs...how do you get ppl to know about yours? People have links on the sides..how do i do that? I really want others to read this so i can more ppl going through this.

TIA!