u/s #4 and triggering

so my e2 for the 3rd check was 1374!! '

My u/s yesterday showed around 23 follicles (the nurse said there "multiple" little(r) ones under 12 - doesnt she know im anal and i NEED to know exactly what "multiple" means?! lol but anyway 14 are measurable follicles and they are ranging from 12-24mm...3 of these are not mature but should be by tomorrow am.

I triggered last night at 730pm and my retrieval is 7am tomorrow morning (im the first one). I also went to acupuncture yesterday. And my e2 was 1743 yesterday. Im bloated, drinking gatorade and so ready for the next step!!!

wish me luck!!!

Another extra day

I was shocked by this but i guess Dr. P changed he plan to me having a lead follicle measuring 22 before i trigger and im at a 21 right now so one more day..

Today i still had 23 follicles with 11 above 12mm...with 10 mature. Im very interested to see whats going to happened with 2 extra days under my belt.

forgot to ask about my e2 level, ill get it tomorrow.

Extra day :)

Because my kid is super cute im thowing in some recent pics :)

Well this is the longest i ever stimmed and im hoping it gives us more/better quality eggs. So today we are at 23 follicles....10 are 12mm and above (most are 14-18) i have one that is a 19.5. And i have 13 that are less then 12mm. It'll be interesting to see what happens tomorrow.

Dr. P doesnt want me to trigger until i have a follicle which is 20 or greater so it most likely looks like tomorrow night i will trigger and have ER on monday.

I had to take Jack with me this morning which i felt horrible about but i only saw 2 other women, i just hope it didnt make them sad. He was so good though and everyone was smitten over him :) The whole time i was getting my ultrasound he was saying "i want roar", "i want home", "i want boof (juice)"...u get the idea lol!!

Oh, my e2 was 643 today, which im happy about...hoping for around 1000 tomorrow.

Whats cooking??

Well we have 17 follicles baking. 8 are measurable with 9 around 11mm (12mm "counts"). My e2 was 180 (102) last time so we are on a better track then last cycle. I go back friday for another u/s and b/w.

I had acupuncture last night and the guy who did it was an OB! so i felt like i knew what he was doing! I still dont like the needles going in, there are some spots that are sensetive but if this is going to help, im all for it!

Bloodwork

Went in today E2 is 76 (85 last time) so im almost identical from last cycle. Hoping to get one more day in of stimming this time so i hopefully have 2 healthy embies to transfer. Going for acupuncture tomorrow and u/s and E2 check wednesday.

Stimmming!

Finally!

I got my period wednesday. I went in for my second baseline on thursday with a very heavy flow (so embarassing). When i walked in i saw an old co-worker and she was suppose to do my u/s (great!)...she politely asked if i wanted someone else to do it (yes, please). But the nurse who walked in barely talked to me (really, slap on a fake smile and do some small talk). Whatever (can u tell ive been on Lupron for 3 weeks?).

So we got the OK, my lining was a 4, i didnt ask what my E2 was but we're finally onto the next step. This is when things get going...woo0hoo!! :) So im on 5u Lupron in the a.m. and 175u of Follistim in the evening.

I go back Monday for bloodwork and Tuesday for acupuncture.

Yes, im doing acupuncture this time. I did it with my first cycle trying for Jack and it felt like just something else i had to do and it was very relaxing (i dont think the girl knew much about IVF and acu.). This guy comes highly recommended (ive taken care few pt who have used him...one who did a frozen transfer and got twins!).

Im hopeful this time...anxious too. I just really want this.

Baseline #1

So still no period, im hoping to get in this weekend if its on time since i know i O'd Saturdayish.

So here are the details...

Lining is 8.8 (needs to be 7 or below to start stims)
E2 - dont know yet
and i have 10 follicles in the ovaries

Im sticking with the 10u of Lupron and most likely going back next week once i get my period.

Here we goooooo!

Finally got the call yesterday with my dates.

Starting my Lupron 1/2

baseline 1/14

starting stims on the 15th

egg retrieval 1/24

I have a feeling i will be pushed back a bit since i dont think i O'd yet so i most likely will not have my period at my baseline (this has happened to me every cycle) My guess is ill have egg retrieval around the 28th.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! :)

The Plan

Well the dam holiday season is going to screw up my timing so now i have to wait until January to have the ER! GRRR ... but things happen for a reason so im just gonna try to keep busy until then, which should be easy since its xmas and all :)

So we went over my cycle and theres really no reason why it didnt work, just didnt so we try again. We did talk about how i stim super quick and only get in 7 days of stims so we going to lower the dosage to 175 of Follistim and hope to get an extra night in so i have a couple more mature eggs to work with....the last cycle i had 15 eggs retrieved, 9 mature and 6 fertilized, 2 stopped growing, 4 made it to PGD and we had 1 healthy. We're hoping to get 2 healthy next time.

I also asked her if she could do my ER an ET since i somewhat had a bad experiece with the other docs....Dr. R just came in and counted my follicles and barely talked to me...i said "thank you" to him afterwards and he didnt even look up at me and reply. Dr. B did my transfer and he told me a few times he wished the embryo looked better or was further along, which completely stressed me out! Which i know from experience with my patients (and friends) that nonperfect embryos can result in a pregnancy just as much as a "perfect" one. I asked about Jack and he was a pre-blast which was fragmented "up until day 3" but he was 5 cells on day 2 when most are 4 cells. So she said that when i get my period (which should be by monday) to call her and the coordinator and she will try to be around on my expected ER and ET. But its most likely not going to happen since shes only there on wednesdays. But i tried. But a little rant on that....shes most going to get crap from the director for doing my procedures, which i dont get since im HER patient and if shes around, why not? Over at the hospital its all about making the patients happy...apparently not next door...whatever.

So Lupron will start around xmas and the ER will be in mid jan. Fingers crossed!!

Im OK

How can i be sad when i have this awesome little boy. He (and Pete) keep me going. I know this works , it did before, it will again. We'll try again and hopefully that cycle will lead to pictures with 2 miraclesin them. :) Follow-up appt 11/25.

The Results...

Negative.

It sucks. Im pissed and feeling pretty defeated.

Thank God for Jack.

Gotta work today, not so sure im gonna go in. Last place i want to be.

Better luck next time.

6dp5dt

Im exetremely tired, i went to bed last night at 830 and slept til 6am and im still exhausted. I usually go to bed around midnight and up at 6-7a and im fine so getting 4+ more hours and feel like im dragging is abnormal for me! My bb's are still on/off sore sometimes they hurt so bad it feel like when i had too much milk in them when i was nursing. The bloating has subsided some but i still feel large. The cramping isnt as intense as it was but i feel it here and there at night when im relaxed and not running after a 2 year old all day :) I do get twinches throughout the day but nothing major.

I have my moments where i totally think this worked but then i have moments where i think it didnt. I havent POAS yet. I rove by Wal-Mart yesterday and i was so tempted to stop but i didnt. Im trying very hard not to do it until beta day (friday).

When i went in for my transfer Dr. B made a comment that he had hoped the embryo was "further along" in development. Well, one of my nurse managers has triplets from IVF and they told her all three embryos were very poor quality and most likely wouldnt implant....she has TRIPLETS...all took and they all went home with her, no problems. SO that makes me feel better!

So im still hoping, praying, wishing!!!

4dp5dt

bb hurt, had night sweats last night...crampy here and there.

4 more days...ug the waiting is so tough. Still hoping, praying wishing.

Last night was my first day back to work and the first report i got was a 28 yr old who has a history of cocaine abuse and the father is HIV+ and she obviously having unprotected sex wih him..wtf?? welcome back...

Halloween was so much fun!! Jack was a pirate, this was his first time he went out. He carried his pail the whole way and even when it go heavy he wouldnt let me take it from him! It was dragging in the ground but he didnt care! lol He said "tank goo" to everyone and had a blast :) I love seeing my kid happy!

Not so happy right now, he's screaming his head off b/c im putting him down for a nap. If someone would put me down for a nap right now id love them forever!

2dp5dt

Im going to chronicle symptoms so that way i know whats happening. My bb are starting to get sore..and im still tired.i

"Petri" is in!!

At 1000 yesterday we transferred a healthy boy into my uterus!!! He was a pre-blast which is i guess better then a morula but not as great as a blastocyst. But the doc was happy with his development so fingers are crossed!!

The transfer went well. Dr. P called me beforehand to tell me about his development, that was nice of her. Dr. B did the transfer and got right into my cervix with no problems. The nurses were great and i was outta there by 11. Pete and i went out to lunch and i came back and napped and watched movies. Last night we also went out to dinner at a really nice resturan. It was good to get out and get my mind off of things. Today i went shopping for xmas and for my nieces 3rd bday. I needed to get out of this house. I walked around real carefully and took care of my movements, people watching me must have thought i was crazy lol. After shopping, i went up to my moms and got Jack. Now everyone is home and things are back to normal.

i felt pretty crampy yesterday and alittle bit today, i seem more hungry then usual too. But it prob all in my head.

I got my progesterone drawn today and it was 115!! It was 19 with Jack!

I go next friday the 6th for my beta...im hoping it nice and high!!

One Healthy!!! :)))

Finally got the call at 545 that we have one healthy little BOY!!!! :))

One arrested in growth, one had Trisomy 16 and 2 others had Complex Abnormalities.

Im going in tomorrow at 940am for the transfer.

Keep the positive thoughts coming!!

5 in the running

Our late bloomer didnt progress past 2 cells so 5 got shipped off this morning for the PGD testing.
there were:
2 8 cell
1 7 cell
1 6 cell
1 4cell

I call again tomorrow btw 2-4 to get my tentative transfer time. Dr. P will call me as soon as she hears if there are any healthy ones. This is going to be one long day....

Im feeling better today. Still sore but manageable. Ive had 3 PIO shots so far and so far it hasnt been bad. I hope to be getting thme for the next 10 weeks :)

A Late Bloomer :)

So we now have 6 in the running. I had Pete call cause i was too nervous. They didnt give us the cell counts just that we have 6 and will be sent out tomorrow for the PGD. It only takes one!

fertilization report

out of the 15 eggs, 9 were mature...5 have fertilized. I cant be upset b/c at least some fertilized. We call tomorrow at 2 to find out how many are growing. It only takes one.

Egg Retrieval

It wasnt that bad. Im feeling pretty out of it though. The 2 nurses that were with me today were really great. One of them is actually the girl who told me all about PGD, i took care of her 3 years ago when she had her daughter! How crazy is that?! The the other one was a nursing student a few years back that i had shadow me a few times. So weird, but def. glad to have known someone.

So i got there at 7am and got all dolled up with my OR cap and jonny. Got asked a bunch of questions. The anesthiologist was great and got my IV in without any pain AND on the first attempt!I got wheeled in arounf 740a. I remember looking up at the ceiling and seeing the light start spinning and the the nurse putting my feet up in stirrups and hen next thing i know they are waking me up.

So we got 15 eggs!! Im super psyched with that number. Its the same amount i got with my other 2 cycles and im hoping to get 2 healthy out of the bunch again.

I felt great after the retrieval just minimal pain. I got 4 mg of Morphine which helped. We left at 940a. I got really nauseous on the way home and threw up into a dog bone box! But after i threw up i felt better. Pete made me some pancakes a lil after we got home and ive been in and out since. He just left to go get jack and then he's going to his parents for the rest of the afternoon so i can rest.

Tomorrow we'll get the fertilization report around noon time. I hope we have some healthy babes growing :))

Jacks 2 year appt.

If your looking for an IVF update scroll down.

Pete and I took Jack to his 2 year well visit this week. He's 25.8 pounds and 34 1/2 inches! He shoot up from the 10th percentile in both areas to 25th and 50th respectively! He grew 4 inches and gained 4 1/2 pounds in 6 months!

He recieved the flu vaccine and the Hib. He also had to get his blood drawn. All of that was awful. I couldnt take off his band-aids for 2 days cause he'd freak if i touched his legs! poor thing...

His speech is very garbled when he tries to say a sentence so Dr. S said she'd sent out early intervention. Im pretty sure he's just fine. He stared saying UT-OH, thank you (well his version), done and his other words are becomng more understandable in just the past few days.

Here we go!!

Ive been waiting 4 months for this and here it is!

At todays check I had 22 follicles. 15 measurable and 9 mature, 7 less then 12. So im hoping for 10-15 eggs. My e2 level shot up to 1155!! I was only 102, 3 days ago! Things are very similar to jacks cycle so im hoping thats a good sign. The e2 reflects how many maure eggs you have. For every mature egg you get a reading between 100-200. So with a level of only 100 a few days ago, this is major improvement!

Symptoms wise im extremely bloated and look about 4 months preggo. Im getting inermintent headaches and my bbs are sore.

So im triggering tonight at 730pm and the surgery is scheduled for 7am Saturday. My mom is taking Jack overnight friday. Pete and I are gonna go out for a nice dinner and see a movie. My mom has a wedding saturday night so pete will pick him up saturday afternoon. This will hopefully give me enough time to rest.

Please send us some good luck!! :)

check #2

Now i have 17 follicles cooking and my E2 shot up to 550 (or 515, i couldnt understand what the nurse said)...not great but better. I know most dont have any clue what that means but i make a note of it for my personal use :)

The follicles are ranging from 12mm to 19. I have 6 that are "mature" and 6 that are under 12.

So it looks like Saturday is most likely going to be the retrieval! Im hoping to get 10 eggs. I got 15 my last 2 cycles but i had 22 follicles the first time and 25 with Jack.

It only takes one :)

U/S #1

So heres whats cooking. I have 9 measurable follicles and 7 that are super close. I have 4 that are "mature". It looks like im stimming like jacks cycle. Im really hoping to make it a day or 2 longer so we can get more eggs. They are going to call me this afternoon to tell me the plan.

Edited to say: Sticking to the same plan. My e2 is only 102. Which doesnt make sense with 4 mature follicles, i should have at least doubled to 160. So now im scared this isnt going to work out. I go back tomorrow at 7am for another u/s and b/w.

first E2 level.

This is the part of the cycle where things start to ge interesting!!

I went today for my E2 level. This is the estrogen level. Each mature follicle ( where he egg grows) secretes estrogen, each mature follicle gives a level of 200.

Today im at 85. Which is good. Im not "stimming" too quickly like i did my first 2 times. Im hoping to make it to 9 days of stims which would land me for ER on Monday. I only did 7 days with my firts cycle and jacks....average is about 10 days. If you stim too quickly your ovaries get filled with too much fluid which can lead to water surrounding your lungs (which is NOT fun, happened to me with my first cycle).

I go back Tuesday for an u/s and bloodwork. Im feeling good. I can feel the ovaries working and im slighly bloated but so far, so good :)

Why IVF and what is PGD?

I know alot of you are new readers and dont know much about my history. So im going to try and explain it as simply as i can.

I can get pregnant on my own very easily. Pete and i got pregnant on our own within 1-2 months everytime we tried. Thats not my problem. I dont do IVF to get pregnant, i do it for the PGD so i can STAY pregnant.

PGD is Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis. It basically is a super expensive test to test our embryos to make sure they are healthy before we "transfer" them back in. You hear alot about it on GMA and the Today show when people want to choose genders for their kids or eye color, blah, blah. I get so upset over those stories because its a test that really helps people.

With 4 unexplained losses the doctors couldnt find a reason why i couldnt hold onto a pregnancy. So we do the PGD to make sure we have a healthy baby in there (since most miscarriages are due to genetic problems) and i also do Lovenox injections to help with blood flow to the uterus to help the baby thrive.

The road to number 2!

So last New Years we found out i was pregnant. I got on the Lovenox and went in for a beta right away. The beta was low, 32 and then 48 hours later it was 32 again. So i knew something wasnt right. But then the betas rose appropriately. I felt fine so i tried to remain positive. But one night after dinner i started cramping and went to bed early. I woke up with the worst pain. It felt like someone was stabbing me in the ribs on the right side. I took some tylenol pm to help me go back to bed but the pain continued.. Then i had a gush of blood. Pete was awake with me and i knew we had to go to the hospital. Long story it was a ruptured ectopic and i lost the right tube, i was 6.6 wks. Recovery was awful and much worse then my section with jack. I went back to work 3 weeks later ( i work on a postpartum unit in the same hospital i had the surgery). I have to walk through Triage to get to the elevators, i had a panic attacks for the first 2 weeks back, i would cry and needed someone to walk with me up to the floor. It would take me an hour to pull myself together before i could see pts. Going through something like this is very difficult when you need to be around new moms and babies for 8 hours,in the the same hospital where you lost your baby. And taking care of assholes who do drugs or trashy people who just dont give a damn, gets to you. So it was hard. I started to see a counselor in feb and went on zoloft. It helped. I wasnt ready to try again for quite awhile, i needed to work on myself. So i focused on me and jack, lost 15 pounds and just had the summer to go on family trips and hang out with my miracle.

In June we went to a wedding on the Cape and spent the weekend there. This is the weekend we decided we'd go back to Dr. P and see what she had to say about our options. I called that monday and they had an appt available that coming Wed! I wasnt ready for it to be THAT soon! So we went in mid July. She basically told us our best bet would be to do the IVF/ PGD again. She also gave us the great news that the PGD would most likely be covered (it is, and thats 5000 dollars we thought we'd have to pay!!). Pete and i did all the tests and bloodwork and were ready to go in sept. The Egg retrieval was going to fall on Jacks birthday party weekend so we postponed it to this month.

So here we are...

IVF is a 4 part process.

Part one...suppression. I started this on Sept. 30. I take 10 units of Lupron every morning, its an injection that goes into my stomach. This take about 2 weeks. My period was 5 days late. I was very uncomfortable. I went in for my baseline on Oct 13th but my lining was still to thick so i had to go back once my period decided to show, which it did the next day (thank goodness!). So i went back on thursday 10/15, my lining went from 9 to 5.6 (needs to be under 7) so things were good to go.

Part two...stimulation. I started 200u of Follistim last night (another injection in the stomach). Im also still in the Lupron but its decreased to 5 u, i do that one in the morning. The Follistim, stimulates the follicles to grow. The follicles contain the eggs. The Lupron is still given so you dont ovulate while your follicles are growing. I go in this Sunday for bloodwork to make sure im not stimulating to quickly. I hyperstimmed my first cycle so we dont want that to happen again.

Part three...egg retrieval (ER). Prob around 10/25ish

Part 3.5.. PGD analysis...see which embryos are healthy (3 days after ER)., then embryo transfer (happens 5 days after egg retrieval).

Part 4..then we wait...

Jacks 2!!

Jack turned 2 on september 19th. We had a construction party theme. My neighbor and good friend, Tracey made an awesome dirt cake which was put into the back of a toy dump truck. I put oatmeal into a sandbox and put all of jack Wheel Pals in there with shovels such and i put drawing paper over 2 coffee tables and cut out little dump trucks for the kids to color. About 40 people and 10 kids came. It was chaos (since the party got moved into the house since it rained) but it was a great time :)

Jack is so much fun and everyday im so thankful for him. He's starting to talk more and more. Right now hes banging on the windown saying "HIIIIII" to the garbage truck. He says about 25 words and 2-3 word sentences. "Pop, Plllllllleasse" is his favorite lol. He loves cars, coloring, blues clues, jacks big music show, dora, the moose from nick jr., music (dancing!). I take him to Tumbles once a week for an art class which he loved but he's sick of it so we are going back to the regular gym class. His favorite is sliding down the slide and the obstacle courses, along with the zip line. He also loves being outside and going for walks around the neighborhood. He calls is juice his "boof". He loves to jump, give hugs, he hands you everything and if he's playing you have to do it with him. He's a good sharer and is constantly handing me his toys. The dogs are great with him. He bounces all over Nala and she could care less. Sadie more or less ignores him, lol. He's not very good at eating, but loves fruit, yogurt, french fries, hot dogs, and pizza..ohh and his pops! I buy those go gurt yogurts and freeze them :) Hes very social and is always saying "Hiiii" to people. He loves talking on the phone too. he just figured out how to undress himslef so thats been interesting! He naps in the morning 10-12 and sleeps from 8p-7a.

He's a great kid :) <3

Im still working 3-11, 24 hours a week. Its good hours since i dont miss too muc while im gone. My mother, FIL and Tracey watch him when im not here. Next sept im going to look into a preschool type program for him for 2 or so days a week.

a very long overdue update!

Jack is doing very well. He is 16 months and such a riot! He's been walking since Sept 1st and i was the one who saw it! He says mommom, daddee, doggy,hewwo, nana (banana), dat (that). He loves to climb all over everything and is a very social baby, he loves everyone. His favorite shows are lomax, elmo and barney. He sleeps from 7pm to 5am then naps btw 8am-10pm to 10-12, then takes a small nap in the afternoon if im lucky.

Things have been going well. I weaned him completely on dec 19 and i believe i got pregnant that night. I found out on new years. But my betas were 32 and then 32 again 48 hours later. I knew from the start it wasnt going to end well. but then my betas starting rising appropriately. Everything was going well until 1/20. To make a very long story short i ended up with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and had emergency surgery. I lost my right tube. Im pretty devastated and was hoping for a "normal" pregnancy. My OB basically told me to stick to ivf since that was my only successful pregnancy out of the 6 i've had.

So we are going to wait until Jack is 2 and try for another.

11 months

isnt he handsome?

Im sorry i havent kept up with this and ireally wish ihad but these few months have been tough. IN april pete broke his foot so for 3 and a half months i had no help with ANYTHING! He got the OK to start walking again last week so things are getting better aroud here.

Jack is getting so big and doing so much now. He started crawling well a few days after he turned 8 months and hes been on the go since! Now hes WALKING from toy to toy but nothing more then a few steps. He loves to walk back and forth from pete and i . He stands on his own and keep good balance for quite awhile. He has very good motor control and can prevent himself from falls by falling cautiously..its pretty funny to watch. He crawls up the stairs and loves climbing up on toys and the babygates. This kid is constantly figuring out something else to make me have a heart attack! He also found out how to flush the tiolet so my showers are very entertaining to him...lol.

He "talks". He says da-da, hi, mama and grunts alot and waves his hands when he wants something. If we say certain things he tries to repeat them. If we say "jack" he says JAH...he gets the first sound out...he does this with most words..esp if he hears them alot. He waves and says HAAII too...love it.

He was 17 1/2 pounds at 9 months...still tiny :)

Im still nursing and he showing no real signs of stopping. Which is OK right now but in a few months im hoping itll end. He nurses about 4 times a day (with a few snacks inbetween just to make sure its still there). Im trying not to worry about it too much. Plus im finally starting to lose weight froom doing it so im using it to my advantage!! He also eats what we eat and does very well. At first he gagged abit and scared the crap outta me but now he only gags if he shoves food in his mouth too quick. He has 6 teeth (teething sucks, BTW....he doesnt sleep wen he teeth nd it not fun for a few weeks...motrin is my friend).

so thats that. I cant believe he's almost one. I cannot begin to tell you how much fun i have with this little boy. I never knew love like this existed and it only gets stronger!

8 months

OK im alil late with this but thats OK :)

Lil man is doing great!

Hes been crawling backwards for a few weeks now. Hes VERY close to moving forward, its only a matter of time. He gets so frustrated that he cant seem to figure it out that he yells and gives this mad look...we cant help but laugh at him!

He's finally mastered sitting up from laying down...hes been working on that for awhile now.

He is SO curious! Hell notice something across the room and HAVE to go see it..since he cant walk yet ill help him over to it (by holding onto his hands and he walks...he LOVES doing this...and would do it all day if mommys back would allow it!) once he get over to the object he shouts with glee! too cute!!

He stands by holding onto something for quite awhile and love the perspective and gets all excited when he's doing it.

I have a very strong feeling he wont last long with craling, i think once he figures it all out he'll be running all around.

he has his bottom 2 teeth and his top 2 are breaking through as we speak.

he hasnt slept through the night since 6 months and im tired! i dont know if its teething, being attached or pete thinks hes having nightmares of not crawling yet! lol

we are still nursing and hes showing no signs of wanting to stop. I got a period last month so i guess im fertile again..we'll see what happens with that.

jack hates fruit and im lucky if i can get him to take 5 bites of breakfast. He does fairly well with veggies and LOVES his meat dinners. He eats earths best organic baby food and loves it. Im still nervous about giving him finger foods since he choked on some a few weeks back, im too scared to try again. I know i need to though.

he loves the ABC's and stop crying as soon as i sign it to him.

he HATES getting his diaper changed or getting dressed, hes such a squirm that i do the majority of it on the ground now.

Pete broke his foot 7 weeks ago and is still in a cast...it hasnt been fun!! i give single moms props b/c he cant do anything for him!

stuck in a moment

i did one of thses posts during jacks first few weeks of life i thought itd be a good idea to do another.

* Jack wakes up btw 5-6am (sleeps about 10 hours straight)
* my favorite part of the day is bringing him in bed with me until about 7-8am and he nurses while i doze on and off.
* i just stare at him and fall sleep by rubbing his head and listening to him eat.
*im usually awoken by him pinching my nose. he loves playing with my face..he grabs my lips and nose....sometimes that doesnt feel too good, since his nails are always sharp!
*he wakes up very happy and all smiles. The dogs greet us when i open the bedroom door and they get all excited and jack just watches them in amazement and squeals.
* i put jack in either his swing (which is very close to being packed up since hes getting too big for it) or exersaucer while i get my coffee ready and breakfast for pete and i. I also run around and try to straighten up the house before jack wants to eat again.
* Jack loves his exersaucer, playing the playard and his jumperoo. His favorite at the time he rolling on around and exploring EVERYTHING!! I sit and play with him until about 10am and then he eats again.
* i nurse him and i just love this time. As soon as i pick him up he slams his head into my chest and nuzzles in..its so sweet. His whole body relaxes once he latches on and he coos for the first couple minutes. Its an amazing time...not so amzing when he decides to bite my nipple though..OUCH!!
*hes a very lazy nurser and falls asleep between sides so it takes awhile for the feeding to be completed. But i dont mind since before i know it hes going to be running out of my arms, so im soaking this all in!
*Around 1 we go for a walk ..about 5 miles..and he protests for a bit but then he falls asleep for a good 45 minutes. He always wakes up during the last 15 minutes of the walk and screams!! My neighbors all look out their windows and give me funny looks, lol. SO needless to say i probably burn the most calories in those last 15 minutes from speed walking!
*jack loves Earths Best Organic baby food and he gets all excited when i strap him in his highchair. He waves his feet and arms and i can feed him fast enough. He hums when hes ready for another bit.
*he gets his bath around 6-7 and hes loves to splsh the water and bit on his toys. He also is very good at filling up the cup and pouring all over me! He would stay in that tub all day if i let him.
* when he gets dressed or gets his dipaer changed its an O;ympic event. He squirms all over the place and try his hardest to find something to play with. He takes the diapers the burp clothes...anything to play with while im changing him. I started giving him all the different pacifers while im changing him to distract him. He thinks they are toys and holds them up and stares at them...its too funny, but it helps me get the job done!
*he falls aslpp around 8pm. I nurse him to sleep which i know i shouldnt do but it works for us and thats all that matters. Since jack is on his side when he nurses he grabs onto his bumper in the crib and tryd to nurse off of that when i put him to bed. Its too cute!

7 months old

its 1am and i just got home from work so if this makes no sense, im sorry in advance :)

Jack is SO good :) He is such a happy baby! I miss him so much when im away from him. I hate that i come home from work and hes sleeping, ijust want to spend time with him all the time.

He's rolling all around, sitting up, he tries like hell to sit up from laying down, he LAUGHS and SQUEALS, oh its so funny! He's still a big "talker". He loves the remote, phone, laptop, my keys...everything he cant have..he'll have 10 toys in front of him but still reaches for the phone, lil bugger!! He is such an explorer..and such a "boy" already. He loves going outside and sitting on the ground and feeling the grass. He always wants me to place him down so he can see whats around him. I have a feeling im gonna be in big trouble once he starts moving more. He reaches out for pete and i..he also knows our voices. Its the best feeling when he doesnt know im in the room and i talk and he turns towards me and stretches out his hands...makes my heart melt! He loves to be sung too and just LAUGHS at us. He's looking like sucha little boy know!! I have some pics that ill have to post soon.

THings around here are good. I still hate going to work. I really do love my job but i just hate going. Pete broke his leg this past saturday so its been tough finding someone to come down until jack falls asleep (he cant bear any weight on the foot and hes on crutches so he cant so ANYTHING). So these next 6 weeks are going to be tough but we'll make it through.

Im still nursing. Jack has 2 teeth now (one broke through about 2 weeks ago and the other bottom one broke the other day) and he bites here and there. It doent hurt as much as i thought it would. He's taking to the baby food much better and eats a whole 2nd food jar for lunch and dinner. Breakfast is just nursing and maybe some fruit..he'd rather just nurse in the mornings. And i gotta say this whole "losing weight is easy while nursing" is bull crap! If i went to the gym and burned 500 calories a day for the past 7 months id be a size 2! Im stuck at my prepreggo weight (which im not complaining about but COME ON!!) I cant get the dam scale to move. I started walking 5 miles a day (jack naps in the stroller) and im TRYING to eat better...but im always hungry b/c of the nursing...i need to work on making the right decisions..

So thats it...i just love being a mom!!

6 mo appt.

Jack is still a peanut at 16 pounds and he's 25 1/2 inches, both in the 25th percentile. He recieved 2 vaccines and i go back in a month to get some other (with all the media about autism and vaccines i dont want to give him so many at once.)

So things are good. We can start feeding him baby food 3 times a day but i think im going to stick with the 2 times still since i want to keep my milk supply up.

Little story. Last night jack got woken up by the fire alarm (another story in itself) and pete picked him up and he still was screaming so i took him and he completely stopped..this is a moment i longed for when i wanted a baby so bad!

6 months!!

I cannot believe Jack is 6 months. He is gettng so big. We go tuesday for his check up so i dont know his stats just yet but im guessing he's about 17 pounds. He is so fun now. Pete and i were talking the other day on how hard the first few months were and how much you really dont realize how hard they are until they are over!

Jakc is such a happy baby. He babbles so much and sings to himself, it so freeking cute. He goes crazy when he sees himself in the mirror esp if you go close and far away, then close again. He sits up all by himself now (hes been doing this for about 3 weeks now but can now do it without us really protecting him. Changing him is an olympic event now he squirms and rolls all over the place. Hes teething but no teeth yet which im in no rush for since im terrified of getting bitten! He loves the dogs and anything with texture. He has to chew on everything. He loves bananas and carrots. I recently started giving him the mesh thing with a banana in it and he loves it. He reaches out for us and plays with our faces. Hes very mellow and super fun. Id have a gaggle of kids if i could.

Work still is hard to go too. But i see it all in a different light. Like tonight i took care of IVF twins so i had alot in common with the patent. One of the babes wee in NICU and she was upset about it. I totally understand she went through, not just the getting pregnant, being pregnant but having to deal with walking down the hall and everyone gooing over a baby and your inst with you. I think it all makes me a better nurse... But it was so busy tonight i didnt have time to pump and i was almost in tears on my way home...10 hours with no relief! OUCH!!!

SO thats about it. Jack is great and i love him to pieces.

5 month update.

Im so horrible at keeping this up and im sure lots of people have given up checking to see if ive updated!

Jack is great. You dont realize how tough the first few months are until its over! His personality is really started to shine through. Hes a big "talker" and babbles constantly. He smiles and gets all excited when people he knows walks into the room. He's a huge explorer and always is grabbing for things and loves to feel textures. He rubs his head when hes tired and slams his face into my chest when hes hungry. He "sings" himself to sleep. Hes rolling over both ways and i find him across the room sometimes. He loves his exersaucer. He sleeps through the night (has been for awhile). We tried to put him in his crib but the monitor wasnt picking up his movements so the alarm kept going off and since i cant sleep with the monitor on he's back in the pack and play by the bed.
I cannot explain in words how much i love this baby!

Work is going well. I still hate leaving him but its nice to have money again!

His RSV took abut 3 weeks to go away but he didnt get as bad as the horror stories you here about it, so i guess nursing does help.

And yes im still nursing. I pump while im work and that sucks (literally) but i love nursing, the bond that we have b/c of it is amazing. I do bring pumped milk out in public now or when im going to a friends b/c its easier since jack still likes to nurse for an hour at a time and with the bottle its all about business.

Hes teething, but nothing has popped through yet. Im in no hurry for the teeth to come!!

RSV! :(

My lil man is sick! It started saturday. He's been coughing for alil bit but there was nothing to it, he was just coughing cause he learned how, lol. But on sat when he cough it was junky. By the next day he had a fever and was very congested, throwing up the whole nine yards! I was giving him tylenol and then motrin an hour later to try to get the fever down (it was close to 103)..i could only get it to 99. Poor thing. So we went to the pedi yesterday and he tested positive for RSV. I feel so bad for him hes having a hard time nursing, sleeping, everything he's just not comfortable. Theres nothing i can do either. We have the humidifer going, raised the head of his crib and im giving him tylenol (the ped said your not suppose to give motrin until 6 mos...opps).
So please keep Jack in yout throughts and pray for a speedy recovery!

4 mos. and doctor appt updates

I know im awful and havent updated in a month but to tell you the truth im just too engrossed in my lil man that i spend all my time with him and when hes sleeping im doing housework. I just wish i could bottle this time up b/c its just the best!

Jack is doing so good. He is cooing and babbling up a storm. The other day someone was saying ,Go patriots!, in his face and he responded with Gooooouuuu! Its was so funny. And if we hold him up to the mirror and say "heeelllooo" he comes back with 'hahowww" so stinking cute! Hes alot more active now and loves to play. I sit him in the boppy and just talk/sing to him and he just cracks up. He loves watching people. He loves his exersaucer and playmat and has fun int he jumperoo but cant really use it yet b/c he cant reach the ground. Hes putting EVERYTHING to his mouth now and loves to feel textures. He is a very happy baby, im very lucky. He sleeps through the night on most nights with a good 11 hour stretch. We have him on a bedtime routine and i think thats helped alot with getting him to sleep so well.

Im back to wrok and its OK. i missed everyone so its nice to see them. Im only 24 hours ( 3 days a week) so its not too bad. But i go to work to take care of babies so it doesnt give me too much of a "break"..plus im still nursing so when the babies scream i fill up and by the time i get to pump im one hurting mama!
Pete likes that im back to work b/c it gives him time to be with Jack. He has a blast with him and it gives pete a good idea on how much time he really requires.

Jack had 2 appts this week. His followup for his development was yesterday. The doctor said he is just FINE! there are no indications that he suffered any repercussions from his traumatic birth! Thank goodness. She even said he's advanced in some areas..go buddy! :) She also said that she finds that babies who have no issues with eating usually do just fine and Jack latched right on and had no problems with the bottle either so thats a good sign. He'll still be watched by our pedi but she said that most likely if anything were to show up there would be signs now..phew!

His 4 month appt was this week as well. Hes now 14.6 pounds and 24 inches. he got 2 shots and an oral vaccine. Pete came with me so he was the bad guy to hold him down for the shots. Jack did well with them but i felt so bad b/c before he got them he was laughing and having a grand time playing with the paper on the table :(

So thats about it. Ill post some pics soon to show him off :)

Dear Jack (3mos)

I came up with this clever idea to write letters to Jack throughout his life for numerous reasons...corny i know :)

Jack,
Its christmas time and i sit in the living room and when i look around at my surroundings its amazing how much youve changed my life. Last year your dad and i didnt put up a christmas tree or anything b/c we were so bummed we still didnt have a baby or were pregnant. Now there's a tree in the living room with sparkly lights with mounds of presents under the it. We also have stockings hung with presents pouring out of them. I feel a sense of peace and true happiness. I feel Christmas!

You of course have no idea what is going on, your just happy to be held and loved and im more then happy to give that to you.

Now your probably thinking "wow my mom is corny"..so true :) But i wanted to start these letters now so you have an idea how i feel about being a mom and your milestones at certain points.

When i was pregnant with you so many people told me it was going to change my life. I believed them but how could i really know HOW it was going to. Now i know...
my life now is more amazing. The love i have for you is astounding and really scary. There really is no words to explain what a baby does to your heart, especially your own.
My life is also much more scarier. I mean i have to mold you into a decent human being. Thats me and your dads job...no pressure...
I know have a purpose. YOU.

I look at you and your so vunerable right now and depend on me for everything. One day your going to grow up and not need me. That just breaks my heart! Im hoping youll always need me in some aspect, but i just want to hold onto this time for as long as i can. I wish i could just bottle it up. I hope i'll always remember your smells and the sound of your laughter and coos. They are just too precious.

My biggest fear is to lose you. I have awful thoughts that youll be taken away from me too soon. I really wish those thoughts will dissapear b/c its quite scary. I guess worry just comes with the territory, but im not always going to be able to protect you. I also fear you wont like me ( you wont when your a teen but thats how all kids are) but i just hope you like me. I hope you want to have lunch with me when your all grown up. I hope you come to me for advice. I hope you call me to just say hello. I hope your there for me like ill always be for you. I hope we get along and can laugh together. I hope im a "cool" mom and you feel comfortable with me and your dad enough so you can come to us for anything. I hope you know we'll never let you suffer and we always are looking for the best for you. I hope you know we'll love you no matter what and we will always be there for you.

Ona lighter note, this is how you are right now. Your sleeping through the night now. You come into bed with me in the morning and we nap for a few hours..this is my favorite time of day.You wake up all smiles. You love your changing table and smile and giggle when i change you. You love it when we talk to you, you talk back with coos and giggles. You hate getting dressed, especially putting on your shirts! You really enjoy your swing, you watch the dogs and us walk around. We sit in a chair next to it and talk to you and you just give the biggest smiles. You love looking in the mirror and watching us touch your face and talk. Youll mimic what we say, its really neat. You also enjoy the playmat and baby einstein toy we have. You know us ,pamma, mimi and pop-pop. You get a little fussy with auntie but she loves you to death (i wish we lived closer). Sage cant get enough of you and gives you kisses and hugs. She even tried to share a book with you the other day by throwing it in your face ( you poor thing, it was the first time you felt scared)..but she was just trying to share with you. I wonder what your relationship will be like.
You look like dad right now, so much its kinda scary! You get compliments on your beautiful blue eyes and how cute you are. You hate the carseat and will scream the whole ride. I need to use the snugli when we go shopping too. You love to look around and hate being confined.

Dad is a wonderful father and hes so excited to learn more about you. He cant wait to go to games with you, to teach you how to hunt and fish. You turn to his voice and smile big when he talks to you. He holds you and tells you how much he loves you all the time.

So motherhood...its true what people have told me about it, but i have no solid words to describe it. Im scared to death of it but i love it. If i could id have a house full of babies. But right now im enjoying our time together. I cant wait for the future to see who you become.
Merry Christmas Baby boy <3
Love,
Mommy

3 months

i dont nearly have the time i used to have to keep up with this blog so im sorry. So if anyone is reading please leave some comment so its worth my while.

i havent posted pics on here of lil man b/c its a huge PIA if no one is reading. I do have a ton on my myspace account so friend request me if you wanna see my handsome lil dude :)
myspace.com/torri106

Jack is doing really well. He's full of smiles now and is so close to laughing. He'll laugh with his eyes and let out a lil peep..its too cute. He's sleeping really well now from 830pm to about 4-5am. I nurse him and bring in into bed with me and he'll sleep/nurse until 830-9am. He looks more and more like Pete its kinda scary. He def knows me, pete and my mom. If a stranger holds him he kinda freaks (i feel bad for the person but it makes me happy inside when he stops when i hold him lol). He's bringing his hands together and sucks on them. He loves the playmat and we're starting to warm up to the bumbo. His favorite thing is to walk around with me or pete and look around. He fights his naps and gets pale when hes tired. He loves his changing table and is all smiles when you talk to him on it. ummm...i cant think of any other lil tidbits :)

im going back to work in 2 weeks and im sick over it. I do not want to go but itll be good to get out. But im not a big fan on leaving him for 10 hours!! Tonight pete and I are finishing our xmas shopping and my mom is going to watch him...i think i can handle that...but 10 hours away from him...:(

One year ago...

It was a year ago that i got the dreaded news that our first IVF/PGD cycle didnt work. I can still feel the pain of that moment. Pete and i were so devasted. I didnt talk to anyone for days. After the phone call we went for a walk with the dogs at the Norton Turkey Farm. We talked about how it WILL happen one day and we just need to stay positive. Turthfully, i hate going back there b/c i just remember that pain.

Trying to have a baby ran my life for 16 months. That really doesnt sound like too long and i know ppl where it took YEARS. But those 16 months were hell. After each m/c i felt like my dream was further out of my reach. The pain of not being able to keep a pregnancy was the worst i had ever felt.

I didnt give up though and im so glad i didnt. I now have a beautiful baby boy who is my world. I have a hard time even taking a shower b/c he'll be out of my sight! Being a mother is truly the best thing..no words can explain it.

So for those who are still trying...dont give up...remain positive. And when it does happen it will feel like youve had that little baby your whole life!

2 months old!

I cant believe! I also cant believe i have to go back to work in 5 weeks :( Im so sad about that!

Jack is doing really well. He was 11 pounds 5 ounces and 21 1/2 inches at his pedi appt. He went from being in the 10th percentile to the 50th with weight (still in 10th for height, but im short so no worries). He's becoming a chubba, he even has rolls on his hands! He also got 3 shots and one oral one. He handled the shots pretty well (screamed when he got them tho :( ) but i gave him tylenol throughout the day and he was OK. He is also developing perfectly fine...keep up the good work, buddy! :)

He smiles all the time now. Its by far the greatest...it really melts me everytime he does it. He reaches for toys and trys to grab them. He loves to feel textures...he is always rubbing my shirt when he nurses. He kicks his legs like crazy. He tracks his toys really well, and even goes diagonally. He "talks" all the time. He LOVES to look around...im constantly walking around the house with him b/c he hates to just stay still. Right now he's been in his swing for 10 minutes and thats a record! He also enjoys us talking to him, he fixates on our faces and smiles big when we make faces at him. He really likes his baths too...he kicks up a storm...i swear he'd stay in it all day if i let him.

His schedule is getting more predictable. He's been sleeping for a good 5 hour stretch in the beginning of the night 9-10 to 2-3. But then he's up again every 2 hours...but you gotta start somewhere, right? He is alert most of the day with catnaps here and there. Around 6 is when his fussy time begins and we give him a bath and play with him until 7 then i nurse him until he falls asleep which isnt until 9-10. Yes i nurse him pretty consistently during that time but he's mostly just using me as a pacifer. Ive tried EVERYTHING to get him to take the pacifer but he just wont. I dont know what petes gonna do when i go back to work! I work 3p-11p so hes gonna have to deal alone. Good thing its only 3 days a week!!

I hope everyone had a good turkey-day. We went to my in-laws...it was a very relaxing day.

Sorry for such a book but its rare i can update these days! I'll post some more pics soon!

Pictures!!!

my lil family :)

halloween and one of his first smiles! doesnt it just melt you?
cousins...sages 1st b-day!

1 mo. old

SMILE!!
1 mo. photo
super-cute!
dad kisses
in my swing

looking outside
first bath

6 weeks

My baby boy is 6 weeks old now! He is just the best :)

He started smiling about a week ago. Its still not constant but we get a good 1-2 a day..it just melts my heart! He's rolling over still from belly to back. He lifts his head really high when he does belly time. Hes tracking his toys and responds to our voices. He also stands when you put his feet on the ground. Everyone says hes a very strong baby.

Hes probably about 9 pounds now and today i had to put all his newborn clothes away. We are officially in 0-3 months now. I cant belive how big he is now. I know his considered "tiny" but to me he's HUGE since he was 5-6 when we brought him home.

I ended up having to stop nursing for 48 hours b/c he developed breastmilk jaundice...that was about 2 weeks ago and it was awful! But we are now back on track and he is as pink as pink can be!

I have some super cute pics i hope to post very soon of his first halloween and him and Sage together.

gtg Jack is crying!

1 month old!

Gotta be quick b/c i got a fussy baby right now!

Jack now weight 8 pounds 2 ounces and is 20 inches long! So he's gained lil over 2 and half pounds sincw his one week appt. and 2 inches! Go BUDDY! He still looks a lil jaundiced so we had to go to the hospital for a blood draw :( I havent heard anything so i hope all is well. She said it could be "breastmilk jaundice", so i may need to stop breastfeeding for a few days :( I hope not since i love doing it. He also has slight reflux so we need to elevate his bassinet and keep him upright for a half hour after feeds.

He nurses more frequently now, about every 2 hours and does one side at a time. The insurance co. took away my hospital grade pump yesterday so i cant pump anymore :( My sis gave me her pump but it hurts like a bitch - i dont know how she exclusively pumped for 4 mo. with this hoover!!

i wake up about 3x a night to nurse him. He has a fussy time from 8p-12a. He just wants to nurse, nurse, nurse...ive tried a pacifer but he gags on it, then spits up, thus he's hungry again. So speaking of that i gtg b/c he's screaming!

Boatload of pictures!

These were taken tonight. I wish i could post petes baby pics, b/c he looks just like him!

Last belly pics...this is us on our way to the hospital

Our first walk... he was about a week old

Look how tiny!
So sweet...
Chillin with my dad :)
chattin up a storm...

yeeesss?!...

Curry, Adam, Sage and Jack
Our Little Fam...
Relaxin on the Boppy
Sweet Sleepy baby..

Stuck in a moment

Everyone keeps reminding me how fast this time goes and it makes me so sad... Im already dreading Jack to be older and off on his own...yes, i know hes only 2 week old! So i want to write out all the things i do with him now, so in a month (or 10 years) i can remember my lil baby :)

I love his eyes...when he has them open he looks all around...he settles in on my face every now and then and when he does he stops and just stares.

if you talk to him and hes looking th other way he'll turn his head towards you.

when he nurses he always places his hand on my breast as if he's holding it.

he doesnt cry when he's hungry he "talks"

he lets it be known he has to poop b/c he grunts and grunts until he gets it out. And the noises that can come out of such a tiny baby!!

he hates being on his tummy but will tolerate it. He can lift his head and move it from side to side and he's even rolled over 8 times...both sides..im not even kidding, pete saw it too so i have back-up! The first time we did tummy time he was 8 days old and he rolled over then. He also likes to kick out his legs while on his tummy.

He wakes on his own now to nurse and usually wakes every 2-3 hours...it takes him about an hour to nurse...he likes to snack.

he likes his hands out when swaddled. He likes to put them above his head...this is how i know hes done nursing too, if the hands are not above his head and hes sleeping then he's not done.

he cuddles up with pete in a lil ball on his chest but with me he likes to be across my belly to feel me breathe.

the past couple of days his face has really filled out and he's looking more and more like Pete.

i cant believe how fast his nails grow!

I think he must be about 7 pounds now. He's outgrown some of his clothes but he's still pretty much in preemie stuff...some newborn sizes now fit him.

He "talks" quite a bit when he's alert.

I love my little boy so much. Postprtum wise im doing well. Emotionally, im still dealing with some things but hopefully it will pass soon. Its crazy the thoughts you get. Like the other day i was so sad that this might be my last baby and i may never have daughter...it made me feel so guilty b/c i felt like i wasnt grateful to have him. And i cant get the idea of SIDS out of my head...im so scared to lose him. I hate falling asleep...before when i was pregnant i would think of how my birth was going to go and how all the events could be played out...it would relax me...now i lay there and i dont know what to think about. It always resorts back to how the birth actually went and it just makes me so sad...im hoping it can pass soon and i can move on.

Jacks 2 wk pedi appt.

Look how tiny i am!

Little man gained 9 ounces in 5 days!!!! He's now 6pounds. Im so happy that hes gaining weight since i didnt know how much he was actually getting with nursing, but i must be feeding him milkshakes! :)

Nuero wise he checked out just fine. She said to focus on that rather then the "what if's". He goes back on the 19th.

The first week (and a half)

Jack is wonderful. He's doing the typical eat, sleep, poop newborn routine. He's still nursing like a champ and its causing no pain! He's only had one rough night where he wanted to nurse every 10 minutes for 5 hours, causing Miss Mama to be a zombie. I do pump if he doesnt nurse for a full 15 minutes so last night pete and i tried to have him to do a feeding so all id have to do was get up and pump and go back to bed instead of staying up for an hour and a half nursing, changing him ect. Well it didnt work out...the bottle made him gassy and he wasnt satisfied so i had to nurse anyways...so an hour and a half later i went to bed while pete snored...its OK thought i felt so bad i didnt nurse him in the first place...i really do love it.

Pete has been just fantastic! I have no idea how im going to do everything when he goes back to work! He makes all my meals, is doing all the housework, taking care of the dogs ect., ect., plus he changes diapers and bonds with "monster". He's such a wonderful father and husband...im truly blessed.

Jack had his pedi appt. on wednesday and he weighed 5pounds 7 ozs. which i was told was good but i was hoping he'd be more. I think hes gained since then (lets hope since hes attached to me 18 hours out of the day!) We go back monday for a follow-up.

On friday he got circumsized and i was a total wreck. But he made it through just fine and its healing beautifully.

Emotionally im still kinda iffy. Yesterday i was fine until i talked to my mother (long story) and today i think i broke down at least 5 times. They are tears of frustration, joy, anxiety, happiness, shock...you get the idea. I know this is all normal right now. I just cant help but look at Jack and tear up...esp now that i know what caused the hemmoragging and that the infant mortality rate is 75%! Jack has always been a miracle but now he is even more! Im so thankful he is OK. But i feel like whereever i turn there's something or someone telling me he may not be. Like yesterday i got a letter saying he passed his hearing test but he needs to retake it at 6mo. b/c of his low apgar scores...come ON, something ELSE?!

I just want to enjoy my lil man...im trying not to dwell on the "what ifs" and focus on what is going on NOW (him acting perfectly normal).

Oh, and i know alot of my friends read this (but dont comment!) so im letting you all know id love for you all to come down and visit so please call (dont worry about waking me or Jack) and tell me when your coming....i want to show him off!! :)

We've got a baby boy! :)

Jack Eugene born 9/19 6pounds 1oz. 18.8 inches

i need to sit down and write out a detailed birth story even though its something im actually trying to forget....but heres the short version

cervidil was placed at 1050pm.

I took an Ambien and woke up at 3am with contractions...nothing too bad but enough to know they werent "just cramps".

Cervidil qas taken out at 500 and we were transferred down to L&D at 615

my doctor came in at 630 to check me an break my water

water was broken at 635

Jack was born by emergency c-section at 642am..i felt everything

when my water was broken i guess the blood vessels to the placenta were embedded into the amniotic sac so Jack and i started hemmorraging.

if it wasnt for my quick thining OB and the fantastic NICU doctors, Jack wouldnt have made it.

His apgars were 1,2,2..which is not good at all.

He was intubated and transported to NICU...i saw them working on him and knew it wasnt good..when they transported him to NICU theydidnt even let me see him...thats when i lost it.

i waited so long for this moment and he was ripped away from me and i didnt even get to SEE him!

Since the tears are now coming i cant really write too much more about that...i will soon though.

But in the end Jack ended up doing wonderfully!! He was off the vent by 3pm that day and everytime they did bloodwork it kept getting better and better. He needed a blood transfusion and numerous saline boluses to replace all the fluid he lost.

He as able to come up to my room just 36 hours later...everyone was in shock on how well he did.

We have to follow up with a nuero doc and he may get placed into Early Intervention b/c of such a rough start. He may have some Nuerological problems down the line, which is really stressing me out, but right now he is acting like an appropriate newborn - whew!!

We got home on Sunday and things are going really well. He is nursing like a champ and barely cries. Im doing OK pysically...still in some pain. The hardest part has been accpeting how he was born. Im so thankful he is OK but im seriously traumatized by the events of his birth. Im cried for 2 days now and i just wont let him out of my sight...i know this is normal now..but im so frustrated that this (giving birth) couldnt go right since it was so hard to carry him!! I know that sounds petty..im working on it.

Tonights the night!!

Well im a fingertip dialated, 75% effaced and baby is low...woo-hoo!!!

The doctor was very happy with that along with the fact that im contracting. The hospital will call me sometime tonight to tell me when to come in. When i get there they will give me Cervidil and monitor me overnight and check me in the morning. Depending on the progress overnight ill either get my water broken or start pit or both.

Im very anxious right now and i just want to be there and get this process started!

Im planning on posting pics and my birth story on here after i have him...we are bringing the laptop to the hosp.

Please wish us luck. OH MY GOD!!!!

37 weeks - FULL TERM!!!

Oh thank goodness! I remember thinking back to April when i started hemmorraging at 13 wks that this day would never get here...and here it is! This pregnancy by far has not been easy. Physically wise its been fine...no major heartburn, didnt throw-up, sleep hasnt been so bad...i've really enjoyed feeling pregnant.

On the other hand though...the shots 2 x a day along with the 4 finger pokes, the constant monitoring, the STUPID diabetes (i cannot WAIT to eat sugar again!), the worry over the bleeding, the lack of growth in Jacks legs...then lack in growth overall, worrying about the clotting d/o and hoping i make it to delivery day with a healthy LIVING baby...I AM DONE! I want him OUT, OUT, OUT!!!

I know i'll always worry b/c im a mom but, this part NEEDS to be over. I just want to see him, touch him, smell him...hear him cry, dress him, play with him, nurse him, see pete with him, see how the dogs react, see what he looks like. I am so ready for this to be OVER.

I will miss being pregnant, dont get me wrong. I'll miss feeling and seeing him move, the looks i get from ppl in public, like im some kind of cirus freak (im just pregnant people!), the attention i get from Pete, the excuse to take naps...i wish i could say the excuse to eat whatever i want but that didnt happen....oh how badly i want an oreo cookie shake!

Im so excited that this time next week ill be updating with my birth story instead of telling you all my symptoms and worries. This has def been a long road. Im ready to have my little family and start down a different path. 4 more days...

last growth scan

i def got a peanut on my hands!

his guesstamated weight is 5lbs 9 ozs., his femurs are still 4 weeks behind (which actually relieved me since i was worried they were going to be even further behind). He is measuring 35w2d (im 36.4) last u/s he was 3-4 days behind now he's 9 days. I dont know if this considers him IUGR or not. I also dont know if the doctor will call me tomorrow to go over this or if we'll talk about it on tuesday.

Im not too concerned with all this since i was 4-6 at birth, my sister was 6-4, my mom was 6-0 and my gram was 6-8..my dh was only 7-0 also. So we have small babies. Im just concerned since he consisntently keeps lagging more and more behind in growth with each u/s.

either way, we'll see what his real weight is in a week!

36.3 appt update - GRR!

I HATE it when doctors change their minds!!! So now it looks like next wednesday is the day instead of this friday, i know its only a couple days but UG, i was SO CLOSE! I just want this baby out - im so scared something is going to go wrong with him.


So i get that news, and the doctor tries to talk me into waiting the 26th and i think my exact words were "are you kidding me?!" He's the one whose been telling me all along we need to get him out as soon as term hits and now hes changing his mind?! I told him "Nope, were doing wednesday and thats final!"


And i lost 3 pounds IN A WEEK! I have never lost 3 pounds in a week, even with diet and exercise and here i am 9 months pregnant and i cant gain weight for the life of me ( i havent gained anything in 2 1/2 mo....just lost)! He said he didnt care unless i was measuring small...guess what? IM MEASURING SMALL....oh do the worries end (i know they dont!)? So now i have a growth u/s tomorrow night to see whats happening in there. If it seems like Jack has IUGR(restricted growth) then the induction may be moved up. thank goodness i get biweekly nst/bpp's cause i think id lose it!


its always something...

36 weeks :)

Well ill be perfectly fine if my water breaks right now! I NEVER thought id get to this point, but here we are! I still have all the aches and pains but surprisingly have been sleeping fairly well. He's definately lower as i can feel him put pressure on my cervix here and there.

These past few days are dragging and im just trying to get to tuesday to see if its definately going to be friday or next wednesday. Either way the most ill be waiting to meet my lil man is 11 days!

Yesterday i went to the salon and got my hair done, got waxed, and got a pedicure so im all beautified for the hospital.

So now we just wait for Tuesday for the final say...thank goodness my appt is 7:45am so i dont have to wait allll day :)

looks like he'll be here NEXT week!!

Well ive been thinking 9/19 all along but today the doctor said:

"when you come in next week, we'll set up the induction for the end of the week!" So it looks like 9/14. I'll be 36.6wks so he should be just fine but there is a small chance that he may need some NICU time. But i can handle him being in NICU for a few days, but i cant handle losing him.

My appt was good. Still havent gained any weight since the stupid diabetes diagnosis so im still at about 15 pounds (according to the docs scale, 13 according to mine). Jacks HR was perfect, my BP was perfect, i had some protein in my urine but he didnt seem to care since everything else was fine. The GBS culture was done (no biggie) and im not dialted yet...drats!

I go back next tuesday and will hopefully have the finalized plans for the induction! YAY!!