The Plan

Well the dam holiday season is going to screw up my timing so now i have to wait until January to have the ER! GRRR ... but things happen for a reason so im just gonna try to keep busy until then, which should be easy since its xmas and all :)

So we went over my cycle and theres really no reason why it didnt work, just didnt so we try again. We did talk about how i stim super quick and only get in 7 days of stims so we going to lower the dosage to 175 of Follistim and hope to get an extra night in so i have a couple more mature eggs to work with....the last cycle i had 15 eggs retrieved, 9 mature and 6 fertilized, 2 stopped growing, 4 made it to PGD and we had 1 healthy. We're hoping to get 2 healthy next time.

I also asked her if she could do my ER an ET since i somewhat had a bad experiece with the other docs....Dr. R just came in and counted my follicles and barely talked to me...i said "thank you" to him afterwards and he didnt even look up at me and reply. Dr. B did my transfer and he told me a few times he wished the embryo looked better or was further along, which completely stressed me out! Which i know from experience with my patients (and friends) that nonperfect embryos can result in a pregnancy just as much as a "perfect" one. I asked about Jack and he was a pre-blast which was fragmented "up until day 3" but he was 5 cells on day 2 when most are 4 cells. So she said that when i get my period (which should be by monday) to call her and the coordinator and she will try to be around on my expected ER and ET. But its most likely not going to happen since shes only there on wednesdays. But i tried. But a little rant on that....shes most going to get crap from the director for doing my procedures, which i dont get since im HER patient and if shes around, why not? Over at the hospital its all about making the patients happy...apparently not next door...whatever.

So Lupron will start around xmas and the ER will be in mid jan. Fingers crossed!!

Im OK

How can i be sad when i have this awesome little boy. He (and Pete) keep me going. I know this works , it did before, it will again. We'll try again and hopefully that cycle will lead to pictures with 2 miraclesin them. :) Follow-up appt 11/25.

The Results...

Negative.

It sucks. Im pissed and feeling pretty defeated.

Thank God for Jack.

Gotta work today, not so sure im gonna go in. Last place i want to be.

Better luck next time.

6dp5dt

Im exetremely tired, i went to bed last night at 830 and slept til 6am and im still exhausted. I usually go to bed around midnight and up at 6-7a and im fine so getting 4+ more hours and feel like im dragging is abnormal for me! My bb's are still on/off sore sometimes they hurt so bad it feel like when i had too much milk in them when i was nursing. The bloating has subsided some but i still feel large. The cramping isnt as intense as it was but i feel it here and there at night when im relaxed and not running after a 2 year old all day :) I do get twinches throughout the day but nothing major.

I have my moments where i totally think this worked but then i have moments where i think it didnt. I havent POAS yet. I rove by Wal-Mart yesterday and i was so tempted to stop but i didnt. Im trying very hard not to do it until beta day (friday).

When i went in for my transfer Dr. B made a comment that he had hoped the embryo was "further along" in development. Well, one of my nurse managers has triplets from IVF and they told her all three embryos were very poor quality and most likely wouldnt implant....she has TRIPLETS...all took and they all went home with her, no problems. SO that makes me feel better!

So im still hoping, praying, wishing!!!

4dp5dt

bb hurt, had night sweats last night...crampy here and there.

4 more days...ug the waiting is so tough. Still hoping, praying wishing.

Last night was my first day back to work and the first report i got was a 28 yr old who has a history of cocaine abuse and the father is HIV+ and she obviously having unprotected sex wih him..wtf?? welcome back...

Halloween was so much fun!! Jack was a pirate, this was his first time he went out. He carried his pail the whole way and even when it go heavy he wouldnt let me take it from him! It was dragging in the ground but he didnt care! lol He said "tank goo" to everyone and had a blast :) I love seeing my kid happy!

Not so happy right now, he's screaming his head off b/c im putting him down for a nap. If someone would put me down for a nap right now id love them forever!