UG! So we went in for my u/s this afternoon and we saw the 3 sacs right away. The yolk sac is still in baby A and B and C are empty and looked "small". She didnt sem to give those 2 much hope. She spent alot of time on sac A and measuring it but i could tell she wasnt very hopeful.
Im only 5w1d so she said she wants to give it another couple days and see what happens. MY beta was only 53. I do feel crampy today so who knows. But it wasnt very promising AT ALL.
So we talked alittle bit about a plan. Im done with IVF. I cant do it anymore esp if im getting the same results with the IVF. So Pete and i are just going to have fun and let nature take its course. Ill get a HSG just to check my other tube and then stay on the Baby asprin and go on Progesterone supplements to be safe. MIGHT do clomid but not sure.
Im very sad but i know it will work again at some point. I need to live my life and not let this be such a big part of it.
6 IVF cycles, 7 losses, a healthy son and now pregnant with TWINS! All honestly told so be warned!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Wasnt expecting this!!
Ok so i got the call today that my beta dropped to 103 and was told to stop all meds. The nurse asked how i was feeling and i told her i was really dizzy (which ive had for a good 4 days), and i had some slight shoulder pain which i knew was just muscular. She told me i needed to go to the hospital and have a quick u/s to make sure it wasnt another ectopic....UG!
Thankfully i had my mom with me and Tracey took Jack. We get to the hospital and they do the ultrasound and the tech is seriously in my vagina for 45 minutes! I could tell she was looking at something very intently. It was driving me CRAZY. I tried and tried to ask her what she was seeing but, no response. I was even trying to look in her glasses to see the reflection of the screen, lol.
My legs started shaking so my mom came over and held one of the them. And she said i see black holes and i told her its probably my follicles on my ovaries....well after the tech was done i pee'd and came back in. I saw on the screen:
Baby A 4w6d
baby B 4w5d
baby c...i dont know i was in shock!
I said to my mom (and pete, he came in the last 5 minutes). "Why does it say baby a,b,c ?!" and my mom said "she kept going back to FETUS C".....WHAT?!? So we all sat there for 10 or so minutes trying to figure out what is going on. The tech came back in and said to get dressed and shes calling the ER....the ER?!? WHY!? So i thought i had another ectopic and i was going to get the tube out. The next thing i know the radiologist comes in and gives me Dr. P's private cell number and tells me to call her as soon as i get reception...ummm ok.
So we walk outside and i put her on speakerphone and she says:
"well torri, they found 3 sacs in your uterus all measuring 2 days within gestational age!" "One even has a yolk sac in it." "Your betas must be so high they are not reading correctly" "Im going to call the lab and get them redrawn..."
Ok so mind you my beta number is only 103! NOTHING should be seen on ultrasound nevermind 3 sacs!!!
Im a freaking mystery!
I go back wed for another beta level and an ultrasound at 1:30 and im trying like heck to find someone to work for me.
I am in SHOCK!
Thankfully i had my mom with me and Tracey took Jack. We get to the hospital and they do the ultrasound and the tech is seriously in my vagina for 45 minutes! I could tell she was looking at something very intently. It was driving me CRAZY. I tried and tried to ask her what she was seeing but, no response. I was even trying to look in her glasses to see the reflection of the screen, lol.
My legs started shaking so my mom came over and held one of the them. And she said i see black holes and i told her its probably my follicles on my ovaries....well after the tech was done i pee'd and came back in. I saw on the screen:
Baby A 4w6d
baby B 4w5d
baby c...i dont know i was in shock!
I said to my mom (and pete, he came in the last 5 minutes). "Why does it say baby a,b,c ?!" and my mom said "she kept going back to FETUS C".....WHAT?!? So we all sat there for 10 or so minutes trying to figure out what is going on. The tech came back in and said to get dressed and shes calling the ER....the ER?!? WHY!? So i thought i had another ectopic and i was going to get the tube out. The next thing i know the radiologist comes in and gives me Dr. P's private cell number and tells me to call her as soon as i get reception...ummm ok.
So we walk outside and i put her on speakerphone and she says:
"well torri, they found 3 sacs in your uterus all measuring 2 days within gestational age!" "One even has a yolk sac in it." "Your betas must be so high they are not reading correctly" "Im going to call the lab and get them redrawn..."
Ok so mind you my beta number is only 103! NOTHING should be seen on ultrasound nevermind 3 sacs!!!
Im a freaking mystery!
I go back wed for another beta level and an ultrasound at 1:30 and im trying like heck to find someone to work for me.
I am in SHOCK!
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Lost...
Lonely, defeated, scared, upset, mad, pissed, hopeful...hopeless,confused, guilty, let-down...
I could go on but im sure you get the idea. I. am. so. sad.
WHY? Im so confused. How did this work with Jack and not now?
Thank GOD for Jack. Seriously.
I just want to get away from all this, away for a few days, clear my head feel happiness and strength...so i can do this again.
AGAIN...UG! Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit, but not having a second babe makes me so sad. Im a GOOD MOM. I deserve babies, a whole bunch of them. I do not feel complete.
So what do i do? My only option is to keep trying. Adoption, Surrocacy...options but not covered by insurance...
Im sad. So very sad :(
I could go on but im sure you get the idea. I. am. so. sad.
WHY? Im so confused. How did this work with Jack and not now?
Thank GOD for Jack. Seriously.
I just want to get away from all this, away for a few days, clear my head feel happiness and strength...so i can do this again.
AGAIN...UG! Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit, but not having a second babe makes me so sad. Im a GOOD MOM. I deserve babies, a whole bunch of them. I do not feel complete.
So what do i do? My only option is to keep trying. Adoption, Surrocacy...options but not covered by insurance...
Im sad. So very sad :(
Friday, May 07, 2010
7
Number only went up to 148...
loss #7...
going monday to check to see whats happening.
I dont know how much more i can take :**(
loss #7...
going monday to check to see whats happening.
I dont know how much more i can take :**(
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
OneHundredTwentyOne
121!!
I was going to be happy with anything over 100, so im happy. I go back friday for another draw and hoping it doubled.
PLEASE KEEP GROWING BABY!!! :)
I took a digital this morning at 545 after a very fitful nights rest. I went downstairs and told pete i was super nervous so he came up and sat next to me while i pee'd on the stick. We both watched the hourglass blink and within 45 seconds it said PREGNANT. My heart was beating so fast i had to sit down and take deep breathes.
One hurdle down, a whole bunch to go...hopfully about 33 weeks worth :)
I was going to be happy with anything over 100, so im happy. I go back friday for another draw and hoping it doubled.
PLEASE KEEP GROWING BABY!!! :)
I took a digital this morning at 545 after a very fitful nights rest. I went downstairs and told pete i was super nervous so he came up and sat next to me while i pee'd on the stick. We both watched the hourglass blink and within 45 seconds it said PREGNANT. My heart was beating so fast i had to sit down and take deep breathes.
One hurdle down, a whole bunch to go...hopfully about 33 weeks worth :)
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Tomorrow is the day!
and i havent cheated!!
Period is due today, nothing, but im on the prog so thats probably why.
So lets see if i can remember my symptoms
Sunday 7dp5dt - not as bloated but def felt nausea at work...cramping was minimal, very gassy (burpy)...i feel gross after i eat.
Monday - same, bloated, on off bobby pains, tired..took afternoon nap
Tuesday - right and left sided ligament pulls, super nausea, booby pains
Pete bought a digital test a few days ago, so ill be taking that tomorrow morning before my beta...just ike i did with Jack.
Starting to get nervous that this didnt work...
FINGERS CROSSED!!
Period is due today, nothing, but im on the prog so thats probably why.
So lets see if i can remember my symptoms
Sunday 7dp5dt - not as bloated but def felt nausea at work...cramping was minimal, very gassy (burpy)...i feel gross after i eat.
Monday - same, bloated, on off bobby pains, tired..took afternoon nap
Tuesday - right and left sided ligament pulls, super nausea, booby pains
Pete bought a digital test a few days ago, so ill be taking that tomorrow morning before my beta...just ike i did with Jack.
Starting to get nervous that this didnt work...
FINGERS CROSSED!!
Saturday, May 01, 2010
6dp5dt..and Jack :)
So im so bloated i look like im 5 months preggo. I dont know if its OHSS or the progesterone. All i know is im uncomfortable. I can breathe just fine so i know if it is OHSS its not severe. My "cramping" has been minimal the last fwe days, last night i felt some burning in my uterus, which was odd. My bbs are also the same....heres some TMI (but this is my dairy and i need to document everything)..my nips seem darker and my Montgomery tuberclues are bigger...i analyze everything lol. My shoulder hurts (again and this is irritating me cause i hope it doesnt meaan the pregnancy is in the tube.) My smell also seems a bit stronger.
Jack...
He had his 2 1/2 yr appt last week. He is now 27.6 pounds and 35 inches (both 25th percentile). He talking like crazy now. This past week everyday he is saying like 3 new words a day. He will repeat everything we say, which is so fun to watch. He even says "i love you" now! We started potty training about a week ago and he is doing very well. We've def had some accidents but for the most part i go through 1 maybe 2 pull ups a day. We went to the circus yesterday an he flipped out!! I think it was way too much stimulation for the little guybut i bought him a pop an he was fine after that (of course lol). We've also tried the Drive-Ins to see "how to train a dragon" which he was so excited about but by the time the movie started it was his bedtime and he just kept saying "i want to go hooomme!"...He is super into dinosaurs and dragons. He is sucha love and i cant imagine my life with this little guy!!
Jack...
He had his 2 1/2 yr appt last week. He is now 27.6 pounds and 35 inches (both 25th percentile). He talking like crazy now. This past week everyday he is saying like 3 new words a day. He will repeat everything we say, which is so fun to watch. He even says "i love you" now! We started potty training about a week ago and he is doing very well. We've def had some accidents but for the most part i go through 1 maybe 2 pull ups a day. We went to the circus yesterday an he flipped out!! I think it was way too much stimulation for the little guybut i bought him a pop an he was fine after that (of course lol). We've also tried the Drive-Ins to see "how to train a dragon" which he was so excited about but by the time the movie started it was his bedtime and he just kept saying "i want to go hooomme!"...He is super into dinosaurs and dragons. He is sucha love and i cant imagine my life with this little guy!!
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