Sad

Maybe its cause im PMSing but i am just soo sad today. Its not only sadness, but frustration, fear, and lonliness...

What if this never happens again? Ive always wanted a big family (3 kids) and with all this bullshit I'm OK with 2. I just never thought this was going to be so hard the 2nd time around. I thought i d a few IVF cycles, get pregnant and move on with my life....But here i am one year later, 3 IVF cycles, a chemical pregnancy and a loss of triplets and 3 Clomid cycles under my belt...the only thing i have to show for what I've gone through is a broken heart.

I search high and low on the internet for some kind of inspirational stories but i may find one out of 100. I know my own story is inspiration but i need more at this moment. I'm trying so hard to keep myself afloat and be happy but today I'm tired and I'm sad...This is NOT FAIR and I'm OVER IT. "Everything happens for a reason", "Relax and it will happen", "but you have Jack.."....I want to tell everyone to SHUT THE FUCK UP....just give me a hug and say "this sucks and im sorry!"

I know ill be OK b/c 90% of the time, i am. But today im not OK im irritated at the world..

I asked Pete about doing IUI this month with the Follistim but he said "why since my sperm is fine..." Which is true. My "day one" will most likely be tomorrow. SO we'll get the ball rolling again soon. Ill def be doing Follistim - just need to make sure they will allow timed intercourse with it.