a rough 24 hours..

Well i know ive dabbled into talking about my job before but i never really got into it. First of all i LOVE my job, most of the time. Last night was HELL. I wont get into full detail but for 8 1/2 hours i took care of a homeless crack addict on her TENTH baby!!! She didnt have custody of any of her other children - THANK GOD. She was disgusting, mean, helpless, hopeless, and a figgin MOTHER!! ARGH!! I wanted to SCREAM!! The poor baby was in NICU withdrawing - what a %^&%.

Now i know alot of people going through RPL get mad at these situations - but they hear about them in newspapers or through friends...but i SEE it, i have to be NICE and CARE for these jerks! I dont have a SECOND to get away from my HELL! NOT ONE SECOND!!!

Not to mention i had to listen to the secretary talk about her new pregnancy that took her a week and a half to get and im sure everything will be FINE. Not to mention the volenteers daughter being pregnant with twins, shes 8 weeks and they are already planning childcare!! WTH!

Then i come home and pete comes into the living room and i tell him we need to go to the psych appt in the morning and he gets all mad b/c this whole process is "affecting work" - Well IM SORRY I CANT KEEP A BABY BUT EVERY SCUMBAG CAN! No, i dint say that i just took a shower and cried to myself.

Then this morning we went to the psychiatrist and i already felt like i was going to snap! She wanted to hear our story, it took everything for me to hold it together. Then she proceeds to try to talk me OUT of IVF because it should be a last ditch effort and i should keep "running" even though i dont know where or for how long i need to run before i get to the finish line!! ARGH! (im still doing the IVF, ive done enough research to know this is the best next step!)

So here i sit 1:15pm and i need to work @ 3pm....NOT in the MOOD!