11 months

isnt he handsome?

Im sorry i havent kept up with this and ireally wish ihad but these few months have been tough. IN april pete broke his foot so for 3 and a half months i had no help with ANYTHING! He got the OK to start walking again last week so things are getting better aroud here.

Jack is getting so big and doing so much now. He started crawling well a few days after he turned 8 months and hes been on the go since! Now hes WALKING from toy to toy but nothing more then a few steps. He loves to walk back and forth from pete and i . He stands on his own and keep good balance for quite awhile. He has very good motor control and can prevent himself from falls by falling cautiously..its pretty funny to watch. He crawls up the stairs and loves climbing up on toys and the babygates. This kid is constantly figuring out something else to make me have a heart attack! He also found out how to flush the tiolet so my showers are very entertaining to him...lol.

He "talks". He says da-da, hi, mama and grunts alot and waves his hands when he wants something. If we say certain things he tries to repeat them. If we say "jack" he says JAH...he gets the first sound out...he does this with most words..esp if he hears them alot. He waves and says HAAII too...love it.

He was 17 1/2 pounds at 9 months...still tiny :)

Im still nursing and he showing no real signs of stopping. Which is OK right now but in a few months im hoping itll end. He nurses about 4 times a day (with a few snacks inbetween just to make sure its still there). Im trying not to worry about it too much. Plus im finally starting to lose weight froom doing it so im using it to my advantage!! He also eats what we eat and does very well. At first he gagged abit and scared the crap outta me but now he only gags if he shoves food in his mouth too quick. He has 6 teeth (teething sucks, BTW....he doesnt sleep wen he teeth nd it not fun for a few weeks...motrin is my friend).

so thats that. I cant believe he's almost one. I cannot begin to tell you how much fun i have with this little boy. I never knew love like this existed and it only gets stronger!

8 months

OK im alil late with this but thats OK :)

Lil man is doing great!

Hes been crawling backwards for a few weeks now. Hes VERY close to moving forward, its only a matter of time. He gets so frustrated that he cant seem to figure it out that he yells and gives this mad look...we cant help but laugh at him!

He's finally mastered sitting up from laying down...hes been working on that for awhile now.

He is SO curious! Hell notice something across the room and HAVE to go see it..since he cant walk yet ill help him over to it (by holding onto his hands and he walks...he LOVES doing this...and would do it all day if mommys back would allow it!) once he get over to the object he shouts with glee! too cute!!

He stands by holding onto something for quite awhile and love the perspective and gets all excited when he's doing it.

I have a very strong feeling he wont last long with craling, i think once he figures it all out he'll be running all around.

he has his bottom 2 teeth and his top 2 are breaking through as we speak.

he hasnt slept through the night since 6 months and im tired! i dont know if its teething, being attached or pete thinks hes having nightmares of not crawling yet! lol

we are still nursing and hes showing no signs of wanting to stop. I got a period last month so i guess im fertile again..we'll see what happens with that.

jack hates fruit and im lucky if i can get him to take 5 bites of breakfast. He does fairly well with veggies and LOVES his meat dinners. He eats earths best organic baby food and loves it. Im still nervous about giving him finger foods since he choked on some a few weeks back, im too scared to try again. I know i need to though.

he loves the ABC's and stop crying as soon as i sign it to him.

he HATES getting his diaper changed or getting dressed, hes such a squirm that i do the majority of it on the ground now.

Pete broke his foot 7 weeks ago and is still in a cast...it hasnt been fun!! i give single moms props b/c he cant do anything for him!

stuck in a moment

i did one of thses posts during jacks first few weeks of life i thought itd be a good idea to do another.

* Jack wakes up btw 5-6am (sleeps about 10 hours straight)
* my favorite part of the day is bringing him in bed with me until about 7-8am and he nurses while i doze on and off.
* i just stare at him and fall sleep by rubbing his head and listening to him eat.
*im usually awoken by him pinching my nose. he loves playing with my face..he grabs my lips and nose....sometimes that doesnt feel too good, since his nails are always sharp!
*he wakes up very happy and all smiles. The dogs greet us when i open the bedroom door and they get all excited and jack just watches them in amazement and squeals.
* i put jack in either his swing (which is very close to being packed up since hes getting too big for it) or exersaucer while i get my coffee ready and breakfast for pete and i. I also run around and try to straighten up the house before jack wants to eat again.
* Jack loves his exersaucer, playing the playard and his jumperoo. His favorite at the time he rolling on around and exploring EVERYTHING!! I sit and play with him until about 10am and then he eats again.
* i nurse him and i just love this time. As soon as i pick him up he slams his head into my chest and nuzzles in..its so sweet. His whole body relaxes once he latches on and he coos for the first couple minutes. Its an amazing time...not so amzing when he decides to bite my nipple though..OUCH!!
*hes a very lazy nurser and falls asleep between sides so it takes awhile for the feeding to be completed. But i dont mind since before i know it hes going to be running out of my arms, so im soaking this all in!
*Around 1 we go for a walk ..about 5 miles..and he protests for a bit but then he falls asleep for a good 45 minutes. He always wakes up during the last 15 minutes of the walk and screams!! My neighbors all look out their windows and give me funny looks, lol. SO needless to say i probably burn the most calories in those last 15 minutes from speed walking!
*jack loves Earths Best Organic baby food and he gets all excited when i strap him in his highchair. He waves his feet and arms and i can feed him fast enough. He hums when hes ready for another bit.
*he gets his bath around 6-7 and hes loves to splsh the water and bit on his toys. He also is very good at filling up the cup and pouring all over me! He would stay in that tub all day if i let him.
* when he gets dressed or gets his dipaer changed its an O;ympic event. He squirms all over the place and try his hardest to find something to play with. He takes the diapers the burp clothes...anything to play with while im changing him. I started giving him all the different pacifers while im changing him to distract him. He thinks they are toys and holds them up and stares at them...its too funny, but it helps me get the job done!
*he falls aslpp around 8pm. I nurse him to sleep which i know i shouldnt do but it works for us and thats all that matters. Since jack is on his side when he nurses he grabs onto his bumper in the crib and tryd to nurse off of that when i put him to bed. Its too cute!

7 months old

its 1am and i just got home from work so if this makes no sense, im sorry in advance :)

Jack is SO good :) He is such a happy baby! I miss him so much when im away from him. I hate that i come home from work and hes sleeping, ijust want to spend time with him all the time.

He's rolling all around, sitting up, he tries like hell to sit up from laying down, he LAUGHS and SQUEALS, oh its so funny! He's still a big "talker". He loves the remote, phone, laptop, my keys...everything he cant have..he'll have 10 toys in front of him but still reaches for the phone, lil bugger!! He is such an explorer..and such a "boy" already. He loves going outside and sitting on the ground and feeling the grass. He always wants me to place him down so he can see whats around him. I have a feeling im gonna be in big trouble once he starts moving more. He reaches out for pete and i..he also knows our voices. Its the best feeling when he doesnt know im in the room and i talk and he turns towards me and stretches out his hands...makes my heart melt! He loves to be sung too and just LAUGHS at us. He's looking like sucha little boy know!! I have some pics that ill have to post soon.

THings around here are good. I still hate going to work. I really do love my job but i just hate going. Pete broke his leg this past saturday so its been tough finding someone to come down until jack falls asleep (he cant bear any weight on the foot and hes on crutches so he cant so ANYTHING). So these next 6 weeks are going to be tough but we'll make it through.

Im still nursing. Jack has 2 teeth now (one broke through about 2 weeks ago and the other bottom one broke the other day) and he bites here and there. It doent hurt as much as i thought it would. He's taking to the baby food much better and eats a whole 2nd food jar for lunch and dinner. Breakfast is just nursing and maybe some fruit..he'd rather just nurse in the mornings. And i gotta say this whole "losing weight is easy while nursing" is bull crap! If i went to the gym and burned 500 calories a day for the past 7 months id be a size 2! Im stuck at my prepreggo weight (which im not complaining about but COME ON!!) I cant get the dam scale to move. I started walking 5 miles a day (jack naps in the stroller) and im TRYING to eat better...but im always hungry b/c of the nursing...i need to work on making the right decisions..

So thats it...i just love being a mom!!

6 mo appt.

Jack is still a peanut at 16 pounds and he's 25 1/2 inches, both in the 25th percentile. He recieved 2 vaccines and i go back in a month to get some other (with all the media about autism and vaccines i dont want to give him so many at once.)

So things are good. We can start feeding him baby food 3 times a day but i think im going to stick with the 2 times still since i want to keep my milk supply up.

Little story. Last night jack got woken up by the fire alarm (another story in itself) and pete picked him up and he still was screaming so i took him and he completely stopped..this is a moment i longed for when i wanted a baby so bad!

6 months!!

I cannot believe Jack is 6 months. He is gettng so big. We go tuesday for his check up so i dont know his stats just yet but im guessing he's about 17 pounds. He is so fun now. Pete and i were talking the other day on how hard the first few months were and how much you really dont realize how hard they are until they are over!

Jakc is such a happy baby. He babbles so much and sings to himself, it so freeking cute. He goes crazy when he sees himself in the mirror esp if you go close and far away, then close again. He sits up all by himself now (hes been doing this for about 3 weeks now but can now do it without us really protecting him. Changing him is an olympic event now he squirms and rolls all over the place. Hes teething but no teeth yet which im in no rush for since im terrified of getting bitten! He loves the dogs and anything with texture. He has to chew on everything. He loves bananas and carrots. I recently started giving him the mesh thing with a banana in it and he loves it. He reaches out for us and plays with our faces. Hes very mellow and super fun. Id have a gaggle of kids if i could.

Work still is hard to go too. But i see it all in a different light. Like tonight i took care of IVF twins so i had alot in common with the patent. One of the babes wee in NICU and she was upset about it. I totally understand she went through, not just the getting pregnant, being pregnant but having to deal with walking down the hall and everyone gooing over a baby and your inst with you. I think it all makes me a better nurse... But it was so busy tonight i didnt have time to pump and i was almost in tears on my way home...10 hours with no relief! OUCH!!!

SO thats about it. Jack is great and i love him to pieces.

5 month update.

Im so horrible at keeping this up and im sure lots of people have given up checking to see if ive updated!

Jack is great. You dont realize how tough the first few months are until its over! His personality is really started to shine through. Hes a big "talker" and babbles constantly. He smiles and gets all excited when people he knows walks into the room. He's a huge explorer and always is grabbing for things and loves to feel textures. He rubs his head when hes tired and slams his face into my chest when hes hungry. He "sings" himself to sleep. Hes rolling over both ways and i find him across the room sometimes. He loves his exersaucer. He sleeps through the night (has been for awhile). We tried to put him in his crib but the monitor wasnt picking up his movements so the alarm kept going off and since i cant sleep with the monitor on he's back in the pack and play by the bed.
I cannot explain in words how much i love this baby!

Work is going well. I still hate leaving him but its nice to have money again!

His RSV took abut 3 weeks to go away but he didnt get as bad as the horror stories you here about it, so i guess nursing does help.

And yes im still nursing. I pump while im work and that sucks (literally) but i love nursing, the bond that we have b/c of it is amazing. I do bring pumped milk out in public now or when im going to a friends b/c its easier since jack still likes to nurse for an hour at a time and with the bottle its all about business.

Hes teething, but nothing has popped through yet. Im in no hurry for the teeth to come!!

RSV! :(

My lil man is sick! It started saturday. He's been coughing for alil bit but there was nothing to it, he was just coughing cause he learned how, lol. But on sat when he cough it was junky. By the next day he had a fever and was very congested, throwing up the whole nine yards! I was giving him tylenol and then motrin an hour later to try to get the fever down (it was close to 103)..i could only get it to 99. Poor thing. So we went to the pedi yesterday and he tested positive for RSV. I feel so bad for him hes having a hard time nursing, sleeping, everything he's just not comfortable. Theres nothing i can do either. We have the humidifer going, raised the head of his crib and im giving him tylenol (the ped said your not suppose to give motrin until 6 mos...opps).
So please keep Jack in yout throughts and pray for a speedy recovery!

4 mos. and doctor appt updates

I know im awful and havent updated in a month but to tell you the truth im just too engrossed in my lil man that i spend all my time with him and when hes sleeping im doing housework. I just wish i could bottle this time up b/c its just the best!

Jack is doing so good. He is cooing and babbling up a storm. The other day someone was saying ,Go patriots!, in his face and he responded with Gooooouuuu! Its was so funny. And if we hold him up to the mirror and say "heeelllooo" he comes back with 'hahowww" so stinking cute! Hes alot more active now and loves to play. I sit him in the boppy and just talk/sing to him and he just cracks up. He loves watching people. He loves his exersaucer and playmat and has fun int he jumperoo but cant really use it yet b/c he cant reach the ground. Hes putting EVERYTHING to his mouth now and loves to feel textures. He is a very happy baby, im very lucky. He sleeps through the night on most nights with a good 11 hour stretch. We have him on a bedtime routine and i think thats helped alot with getting him to sleep so well.

Im back to wrok and its OK. i missed everyone so its nice to see them. Im only 24 hours ( 3 days a week) so its not too bad. But i go to work to take care of babies so it doesnt give me too much of a "break"..plus im still nursing so when the babies scream i fill up and by the time i get to pump im one hurting mama!
Pete likes that im back to work b/c it gives him time to be with Jack. He has a blast with him and it gives pete a good idea on how much time he really requires.

Jack had 2 appts this week. His followup for his development was yesterday. The doctor said he is just FINE! there are no indications that he suffered any repercussions from his traumatic birth! Thank goodness. She even said he's advanced in some areas..go buddy! :) She also said that she finds that babies who have no issues with eating usually do just fine and Jack latched right on and had no problems with the bottle either so thats a good sign. He'll still be watched by our pedi but she said that most likely if anything were to show up there would be signs now..phew!

His 4 month appt was this week as well. Hes now 14.6 pounds and 24 inches. he got 2 shots and an oral vaccine. Pete came with me so he was the bad guy to hold him down for the shots. Jack did well with them but i felt so bad b/c before he got them he was laughing and having a grand time playing with the paper on the table :(

So thats about it. Ill post some pics soon to show him off :)

Dear Jack (3mos)

I came up with this clever idea to write letters to Jack throughout his life for numerous reasons...corny i know :)

Jack,
Its christmas time and i sit in the living room and when i look around at my surroundings its amazing how much youve changed my life. Last year your dad and i didnt put up a christmas tree or anything b/c we were so bummed we still didnt have a baby or were pregnant. Now there's a tree in the living room with sparkly lights with mounds of presents under the it. We also have stockings hung with presents pouring out of them. I feel a sense of peace and true happiness. I feel Christmas!

You of course have no idea what is going on, your just happy to be held and loved and im more then happy to give that to you.

Now your probably thinking "wow my mom is corny"..so true :) But i wanted to start these letters now so you have an idea how i feel about being a mom and your milestones at certain points.

When i was pregnant with you so many people told me it was going to change my life. I believed them but how could i really know HOW it was going to. Now i know...
my life now is more amazing. The love i have for you is astounding and really scary. There really is no words to explain what a baby does to your heart, especially your own.
My life is also much more scarier. I mean i have to mold you into a decent human being. Thats me and your dads job...no pressure...
I know have a purpose. YOU.

I look at you and your so vunerable right now and depend on me for everything. One day your going to grow up and not need me. That just breaks my heart! Im hoping youll always need me in some aspect, but i just want to hold onto this time for as long as i can. I wish i could just bottle it up. I hope i'll always remember your smells and the sound of your laughter and coos. They are just too precious.

My biggest fear is to lose you. I have awful thoughts that youll be taken away from me too soon. I really wish those thoughts will dissapear b/c its quite scary. I guess worry just comes with the territory, but im not always going to be able to protect you. I also fear you wont like me ( you wont when your a teen but thats how all kids are) but i just hope you like me. I hope you want to have lunch with me when your all grown up. I hope you come to me for advice. I hope you call me to just say hello. I hope your there for me like ill always be for you. I hope we get along and can laugh together. I hope im a "cool" mom and you feel comfortable with me and your dad enough so you can come to us for anything. I hope you know we'll never let you suffer and we always are looking for the best for you. I hope you know we'll love you no matter what and we will always be there for you.

Ona lighter note, this is how you are right now. Your sleeping through the night now. You come into bed with me in the morning and we nap for a few hours..this is my favorite time of day.You wake up all smiles. You love your changing table and smile and giggle when i change you. You love it when we talk to you, you talk back with coos and giggles. You hate getting dressed, especially putting on your shirts! You really enjoy your swing, you watch the dogs and us walk around. We sit in a chair next to it and talk to you and you just give the biggest smiles. You love looking in the mirror and watching us touch your face and talk. Youll mimic what we say, its really neat. You also enjoy the playmat and baby einstein toy we have. You know us ,pamma, mimi and pop-pop. You get a little fussy with auntie but she loves you to death (i wish we lived closer). Sage cant get enough of you and gives you kisses and hugs. She even tried to share a book with you the other day by throwing it in your face ( you poor thing, it was the first time you felt scared)..but she was just trying to share with you. I wonder what your relationship will be like.
You look like dad right now, so much its kinda scary! You get compliments on your beautiful blue eyes and how cute you are. You hate the carseat and will scream the whole ride. I need to use the snugli when we go shopping too. You love to look around and hate being confined.

Dad is a wonderful father and hes so excited to learn more about you. He cant wait to go to games with you, to teach you how to hunt and fish. You turn to his voice and smile big when he talks to you. He holds you and tells you how much he loves you all the time.

So motherhood...its true what people have told me about it, but i have no solid words to describe it. Im scared to death of it but i love it. If i could id have a house full of babies. But right now im enjoying our time together. I cant wait for the future to see who you become.
Merry Christmas Baby boy <3
Love,
Mommy

3 months

i dont nearly have the time i used to have to keep up with this blog so im sorry. So if anyone is reading please leave some comment so its worth my while.

i havent posted pics on here of lil man b/c its a huge PIA if no one is reading. I do have a ton on my myspace account so friend request me if you wanna see my handsome lil dude :)
myspace.com/torri106

Jack is doing really well. He's full of smiles now and is so close to laughing. He'll laugh with his eyes and let out a lil peep..its too cute. He's sleeping really well now from 830pm to about 4-5am. I nurse him and bring in into bed with me and he'll sleep/nurse until 830-9am. He looks more and more like Pete its kinda scary. He def knows me, pete and my mom. If a stranger holds him he kinda freaks (i feel bad for the person but it makes me happy inside when he stops when i hold him lol). He's bringing his hands together and sucks on them. He loves the playmat and we're starting to warm up to the bumbo. His favorite thing is to walk around with me or pete and look around. He fights his naps and gets pale when hes tired. He loves his changing table and is all smiles when you talk to him on it. ummm...i cant think of any other lil tidbits :)

im going back to work in 2 weeks and im sick over it. I do not want to go but itll be good to get out. But im not a big fan on leaving him for 10 hours!! Tonight pete and I are finishing our xmas shopping and my mom is going to watch him...i think i can handle that...but 10 hours away from him...:(

One year ago...

It was a year ago that i got the dreaded news that our first IVF/PGD cycle didnt work. I can still feel the pain of that moment. Pete and i were so devasted. I didnt talk to anyone for days. After the phone call we went for a walk with the dogs at the Norton Turkey Farm. We talked about how it WILL happen one day and we just need to stay positive. Turthfully, i hate going back there b/c i just remember that pain.

Trying to have a baby ran my life for 16 months. That really doesnt sound like too long and i know ppl where it took YEARS. But those 16 months were hell. After each m/c i felt like my dream was further out of my reach. The pain of not being able to keep a pregnancy was the worst i had ever felt.

I didnt give up though and im so glad i didnt. I now have a beautiful baby boy who is my world. I have a hard time even taking a shower b/c he'll be out of my sight! Being a mother is truly the best thing..no words can explain it.

So for those who are still trying...dont give up...remain positive. And when it does happen it will feel like youve had that little baby your whole life!

2 months old!

I cant believe! I also cant believe i have to go back to work in 5 weeks :( Im so sad about that!

Jack is doing really well. He was 11 pounds 5 ounces and 21 1/2 inches at his pedi appt. He went from being in the 10th percentile to the 50th with weight (still in 10th for height, but im short so no worries). He's becoming a chubba, he even has rolls on his hands! He also got 3 shots and one oral one. He handled the shots pretty well (screamed when he got them tho :( ) but i gave him tylenol throughout the day and he was OK. He is also developing perfectly fine...keep up the good work, buddy! :)

He smiles all the time now. Its by far the greatest...it really melts me everytime he does it. He reaches for toys and trys to grab them. He loves to feel textures...he is always rubbing my shirt when he nurses. He kicks his legs like crazy. He tracks his toys really well, and even goes diagonally. He "talks" all the time. He LOVES to look around...im constantly walking around the house with him b/c he hates to just stay still. Right now he's been in his swing for 10 minutes and thats a record! He also enjoys us talking to him, he fixates on our faces and smiles big when we make faces at him. He really likes his baths too...he kicks up a storm...i swear he'd stay in it all day if i let him.

His schedule is getting more predictable. He's been sleeping for a good 5 hour stretch in the beginning of the night 9-10 to 2-3. But then he's up again every 2 hours...but you gotta start somewhere, right? He is alert most of the day with catnaps here and there. Around 6 is when his fussy time begins and we give him a bath and play with him until 7 then i nurse him until he falls asleep which isnt until 9-10. Yes i nurse him pretty consistently during that time but he's mostly just using me as a pacifer. Ive tried EVERYTHING to get him to take the pacifer but he just wont. I dont know what petes gonna do when i go back to work! I work 3p-11p so hes gonna have to deal alone. Good thing its only 3 days a week!!

I hope everyone had a good turkey-day. We went to my in-laws...it was a very relaxing day.

Sorry for such a book but its rare i can update these days! I'll post some more pics soon!

Pictures!!!

my lil family :)

halloween and one of his first smiles! doesnt it just melt you?
cousins...sages 1st b-day!

1 mo. old

SMILE!!
1 mo. photo
super-cute!
dad kisses
in my swing

looking outside
first bath

6 weeks

My baby boy is 6 weeks old now! He is just the best :)

He started smiling about a week ago. Its still not constant but we get a good 1-2 a day..it just melts my heart! He's rolling over still from belly to back. He lifts his head really high when he does belly time. Hes tracking his toys and responds to our voices. He also stands when you put his feet on the ground. Everyone says hes a very strong baby.

Hes probably about 9 pounds now and today i had to put all his newborn clothes away. We are officially in 0-3 months now. I cant belive how big he is now. I know his considered "tiny" but to me he's HUGE since he was 5-6 when we brought him home.

I ended up having to stop nursing for 48 hours b/c he developed breastmilk jaundice...that was about 2 weeks ago and it was awful! But we are now back on track and he is as pink as pink can be!

I have some super cute pics i hope to post very soon of his first halloween and him and Sage together.

gtg Jack is crying!

1 month old!

Gotta be quick b/c i got a fussy baby right now!

Jack now weight 8 pounds 2 ounces and is 20 inches long! So he's gained lil over 2 and half pounds sincw his one week appt. and 2 inches! Go BUDDY! He still looks a lil jaundiced so we had to go to the hospital for a blood draw :( I havent heard anything so i hope all is well. She said it could be "breastmilk jaundice", so i may need to stop breastfeeding for a few days :( I hope not since i love doing it. He also has slight reflux so we need to elevate his bassinet and keep him upright for a half hour after feeds.

He nurses more frequently now, about every 2 hours and does one side at a time. The insurance co. took away my hospital grade pump yesterday so i cant pump anymore :( My sis gave me her pump but it hurts like a bitch - i dont know how she exclusively pumped for 4 mo. with this hoover!!

i wake up about 3x a night to nurse him. He has a fussy time from 8p-12a. He just wants to nurse, nurse, nurse...ive tried a pacifer but he gags on it, then spits up, thus he's hungry again. So speaking of that i gtg b/c he's screaming!

Boatload of pictures!

These were taken tonight. I wish i could post petes baby pics, b/c he looks just like him!

Last belly pics...this is us on our way to the hospital

Our first walk... he was about a week old

Look how tiny!
So sweet...
Chillin with my dad :)
chattin up a storm...

yeeesss?!...

Curry, Adam, Sage and Jack
Our Little Fam...
Relaxin on the Boppy
Sweet Sleepy baby..

Stuck in a moment

Everyone keeps reminding me how fast this time goes and it makes me so sad... Im already dreading Jack to be older and off on his own...yes, i know hes only 2 week old! So i want to write out all the things i do with him now, so in a month (or 10 years) i can remember my lil baby :)

I love his eyes...when he has them open he looks all around...he settles in on my face every now and then and when he does he stops and just stares.

if you talk to him and hes looking th other way he'll turn his head towards you.

when he nurses he always places his hand on my breast as if he's holding it.

he doesnt cry when he's hungry he "talks"

he lets it be known he has to poop b/c he grunts and grunts until he gets it out. And the noises that can come out of such a tiny baby!!

he hates being on his tummy but will tolerate it. He can lift his head and move it from side to side and he's even rolled over 8 times...both sides..im not even kidding, pete saw it too so i have back-up! The first time we did tummy time he was 8 days old and he rolled over then. He also likes to kick out his legs while on his tummy.

He wakes on his own now to nurse and usually wakes every 2-3 hours...it takes him about an hour to nurse...he likes to snack.

he likes his hands out when swaddled. He likes to put them above his head...this is how i know hes done nursing too, if the hands are not above his head and hes sleeping then he's not done.

he cuddles up with pete in a lil ball on his chest but with me he likes to be across my belly to feel me breathe.

the past couple of days his face has really filled out and he's looking more and more like Pete.

i cant believe how fast his nails grow!

I think he must be about 7 pounds now. He's outgrown some of his clothes but he's still pretty much in preemie stuff...some newborn sizes now fit him.

He "talks" quite a bit when he's alert.

I love my little boy so much. Postprtum wise im doing well. Emotionally, im still dealing with some things but hopefully it will pass soon. Its crazy the thoughts you get. Like the other day i was so sad that this might be my last baby and i may never have daughter...it made me feel so guilty b/c i felt like i wasnt grateful to have him. And i cant get the idea of SIDS out of my head...im so scared to lose him. I hate falling asleep...before when i was pregnant i would think of how my birth was going to go and how all the events could be played out...it would relax me...now i lay there and i dont know what to think about. It always resorts back to how the birth actually went and it just makes me so sad...im hoping it can pass soon and i can move on.

Jacks 2 wk pedi appt.

Look how tiny i am!

Little man gained 9 ounces in 5 days!!!! He's now 6pounds. Im so happy that hes gaining weight since i didnt know how much he was actually getting with nursing, but i must be feeding him milkshakes! :)

Nuero wise he checked out just fine. She said to focus on that rather then the "what if's". He goes back on the 19th.

The first week (and a half)

Jack is wonderful. He's doing the typical eat, sleep, poop newborn routine. He's still nursing like a champ and its causing no pain! He's only had one rough night where he wanted to nurse every 10 minutes for 5 hours, causing Miss Mama to be a zombie. I do pump if he doesnt nurse for a full 15 minutes so last night pete and i tried to have him to do a feeding so all id have to do was get up and pump and go back to bed instead of staying up for an hour and a half nursing, changing him ect. Well it didnt work out...the bottle made him gassy and he wasnt satisfied so i had to nurse anyways...so an hour and a half later i went to bed while pete snored...its OK thought i felt so bad i didnt nurse him in the first place...i really do love it.

Pete has been just fantastic! I have no idea how im going to do everything when he goes back to work! He makes all my meals, is doing all the housework, taking care of the dogs ect., ect., plus he changes diapers and bonds with "monster". He's such a wonderful father and husband...im truly blessed.

Jack had his pedi appt. on wednesday and he weighed 5pounds 7 ozs. which i was told was good but i was hoping he'd be more. I think hes gained since then (lets hope since hes attached to me 18 hours out of the day!) We go back monday for a follow-up.

On friday he got circumsized and i was a total wreck. But he made it through just fine and its healing beautifully.

Emotionally im still kinda iffy. Yesterday i was fine until i talked to my mother (long story) and today i think i broke down at least 5 times. They are tears of frustration, joy, anxiety, happiness, shock...you get the idea. I know this is all normal right now. I just cant help but look at Jack and tear up...esp now that i know what caused the hemmoragging and that the infant mortality rate is 75%! Jack has always been a miracle but now he is even more! Im so thankful he is OK. But i feel like whereever i turn there's something or someone telling me he may not be. Like yesterday i got a letter saying he passed his hearing test but he needs to retake it at 6mo. b/c of his low apgar scores...come ON, something ELSE?!

I just want to enjoy my lil man...im trying not to dwell on the "what ifs" and focus on what is going on NOW (him acting perfectly normal).

Oh, and i know alot of my friends read this (but dont comment!) so im letting you all know id love for you all to come down and visit so please call (dont worry about waking me or Jack) and tell me when your coming....i want to show him off!! :)