The Plan

Well the dam holiday season is going to screw up my timing so now i have to wait until January to have the ER! GRRR ... but things happen for a reason so im just gonna try to keep busy until then, which should be easy since its xmas and all :)

So we went over my cycle and theres really no reason why it didnt work, just didnt so we try again. We did talk about how i stim super quick and only get in 7 days of stims so we going to lower the dosage to 175 of Follistim and hope to get an extra night in so i have a couple more mature eggs to work with....the last cycle i had 15 eggs retrieved, 9 mature and 6 fertilized, 2 stopped growing, 4 made it to PGD and we had 1 healthy. We're hoping to get 2 healthy next time.

I also asked her if she could do my ER an ET since i somewhat had a bad experiece with the other docs....Dr. R just came in and counted my follicles and barely talked to me...i said "thank you" to him afterwards and he didnt even look up at me and reply. Dr. B did my transfer and he told me a few times he wished the embryo looked better or was further along, which completely stressed me out! Which i know from experience with my patients (and friends) that nonperfect embryos can result in a pregnancy just as much as a "perfect" one. I asked about Jack and he was a pre-blast which was fragmented "up until day 3" but he was 5 cells on day 2 when most are 4 cells. So she said that when i get my period (which should be by monday) to call her and the coordinator and she will try to be around on my expected ER and ET. But its most likely not going to happen since shes only there on wednesdays. But i tried. But a little rant on that....shes most going to get crap from the director for doing my procedures, which i dont get since im HER patient and if shes around, why not? Over at the hospital its all about making the patients happy...apparently not next door...whatever.

So Lupron will start around xmas and the ER will be in mid jan. Fingers crossed!!

Im OK

How can i be sad when i have this awesome little boy. He (and Pete) keep me going. I know this works , it did before, it will again. We'll try again and hopefully that cycle will lead to pictures with 2 miraclesin them. :) Follow-up appt 11/25.

The Results...

Negative.

It sucks. Im pissed and feeling pretty defeated.

Thank God for Jack.

Gotta work today, not so sure im gonna go in. Last place i want to be.

Better luck next time.

6dp5dt

Im exetremely tired, i went to bed last night at 830 and slept til 6am and im still exhausted. I usually go to bed around midnight and up at 6-7a and im fine so getting 4+ more hours and feel like im dragging is abnormal for me! My bb's are still on/off sore sometimes they hurt so bad it feel like when i had too much milk in them when i was nursing. The bloating has subsided some but i still feel large. The cramping isnt as intense as it was but i feel it here and there at night when im relaxed and not running after a 2 year old all day :) I do get twinches throughout the day but nothing major.

I have my moments where i totally think this worked but then i have moments where i think it didnt. I havent POAS yet. I rove by Wal-Mart yesterday and i was so tempted to stop but i didnt. Im trying very hard not to do it until beta day (friday).

When i went in for my transfer Dr. B made a comment that he had hoped the embryo was "further along" in development. Well, one of my nurse managers has triplets from IVF and they told her all three embryos were very poor quality and most likely wouldnt implant....she has TRIPLETS...all took and they all went home with her, no problems. SO that makes me feel better!

So im still hoping, praying, wishing!!!

4dp5dt

bb hurt, had night sweats last night...crampy here and there.

4 more days...ug the waiting is so tough. Still hoping, praying wishing.

Last night was my first day back to work and the first report i got was a 28 yr old who has a history of cocaine abuse and the father is HIV+ and she obviously having unprotected sex wih him..wtf?? welcome back...

Halloween was so much fun!! Jack was a pirate, this was his first time he went out. He carried his pail the whole way and even when it go heavy he wouldnt let me take it from him! It was dragging in the ground but he didnt care! lol He said "tank goo" to everyone and had a blast :) I love seeing my kid happy!

Not so happy right now, he's screaming his head off b/c im putting him down for a nap. If someone would put me down for a nap right now id love them forever!

2dp5dt

Im going to chronicle symptoms so that way i know whats happening. My bb are starting to get sore..and im still tired.i

"Petri" is in!!

At 1000 yesterday we transferred a healthy boy into my uterus!!! He was a pre-blast which is i guess better then a morula but not as great as a blastocyst. But the doc was happy with his development so fingers are crossed!!

The transfer went well. Dr. P called me beforehand to tell me about his development, that was nice of her. Dr. B did the transfer and got right into my cervix with no problems. The nurses were great and i was outta there by 11. Pete and i went out to lunch and i came back and napped and watched movies. Last night we also went out to dinner at a really nice resturan. It was good to get out and get my mind off of things. Today i went shopping for xmas and for my nieces 3rd bday. I needed to get out of this house. I walked around real carefully and took care of my movements, people watching me must have thought i was crazy lol. After shopping, i went up to my moms and got Jack. Now everyone is home and things are back to normal.

i felt pretty crampy yesterday and alittle bit today, i seem more hungry then usual too. But it prob all in my head.

I got my progesterone drawn today and it was 115!! It was 19 with Jack!

I go next friday the 6th for my beta...im hoping it nice and high!!

One Healthy!!! :)))

Finally got the call at 545 that we have one healthy little BOY!!!! :))

One arrested in growth, one had Trisomy 16 and 2 others had Complex Abnormalities.

Im going in tomorrow at 940am for the transfer.

Keep the positive thoughts coming!!

5 in the running

Our late bloomer didnt progress past 2 cells so 5 got shipped off this morning for the PGD testing.
there were:
2 8 cell
1 7 cell
1 6 cell
1 4cell

I call again tomorrow btw 2-4 to get my tentative transfer time. Dr. P will call me as soon as she hears if there are any healthy ones. This is going to be one long day....

Im feeling better today. Still sore but manageable. Ive had 3 PIO shots so far and so far it hasnt been bad. I hope to be getting thme for the next 10 weeks :)

A Late Bloomer :)

So we now have 6 in the running. I had Pete call cause i was too nervous. They didnt give us the cell counts just that we have 6 and will be sent out tomorrow for the PGD. It only takes one!

fertilization report

out of the 15 eggs, 9 were mature...5 have fertilized. I cant be upset b/c at least some fertilized. We call tomorrow at 2 to find out how many are growing. It only takes one.

Egg Retrieval

It wasnt that bad. Im feeling pretty out of it though. The 2 nurses that were with me today were really great. One of them is actually the girl who told me all about PGD, i took care of her 3 years ago when she had her daughter! How crazy is that?! The the other one was a nursing student a few years back that i had shadow me a few times. So weird, but def. glad to have known someone.

So i got there at 7am and got all dolled up with my OR cap and jonny. Got asked a bunch of questions. The anesthiologist was great and got my IV in without any pain AND on the first attempt!I got wheeled in arounf 740a. I remember looking up at the ceiling and seeing the light start spinning and the the nurse putting my feet up in stirrups and hen next thing i know they are waking me up.

So we got 15 eggs!! Im super psyched with that number. Its the same amount i got with my other 2 cycles and im hoping to get 2 healthy out of the bunch again.

I felt great after the retrieval just minimal pain. I got 4 mg of Morphine which helped. We left at 940a. I got really nauseous on the way home and threw up into a dog bone box! But after i threw up i felt better. Pete made me some pancakes a lil after we got home and ive been in and out since. He just left to go get jack and then he's going to his parents for the rest of the afternoon so i can rest.

Tomorrow we'll get the fertilization report around noon time. I hope we have some healthy babes growing :))

Jacks 2 year appt.

If your looking for an IVF update scroll down.

Pete and I took Jack to his 2 year well visit this week. He's 25.8 pounds and 34 1/2 inches! He shoot up from the 10th percentile in both areas to 25th and 50th respectively! He grew 4 inches and gained 4 1/2 pounds in 6 months!

He recieved the flu vaccine and the Hib. He also had to get his blood drawn. All of that was awful. I couldnt take off his band-aids for 2 days cause he'd freak if i touched his legs! poor thing...

His speech is very garbled when he tries to say a sentence so Dr. S said she'd sent out early intervention. Im pretty sure he's just fine. He stared saying UT-OH, thank you (well his version), done and his other words are becomng more understandable in just the past few days.

Here we go!!

Ive been waiting 4 months for this and here it is!

At todays check I had 22 follicles. 15 measurable and 9 mature, 7 less then 12. So im hoping for 10-15 eggs. My e2 level shot up to 1155!! I was only 102, 3 days ago! Things are very similar to jacks cycle so im hoping thats a good sign. The e2 reflects how many maure eggs you have. For every mature egg you get a reading between 100-200. So with a level of only 100 a few days ago, this is major improvement!

Symptoms wise im extremely bloated and look about 4 months preggo. Im getting inermintent headaches and my bbs are sore.

So im triggering tonight at 730pm and the surgery is scheduled for 7am Saturday. My mom is taking Jack overnight friday. Pete and I are gonna go out for a nice dinner and see a movie. My mom has a wedding saturday night so pete will pick him up saturday afternoon. This will hopefully give me enough time to rest.

Please send us some good luck!! :)

check #2

Now i have 17 follicles cooking and my E2 shot up to 550 (or 515, i couldnt understand what the nurse said)...not great but better. I know most dont have any clue what that means but i make a note of it for my personal use :)

The follicles are ranging from 12mm to 19. I have 6 that are "mature" and 6 that are under 12.

So it looks like Saturday is most likely going to be the retrieval! Im hoping to get 10 eggs. I got 15 my last 2 cycles but i had 22 follicles the first time and 25 with Jack.

It only takes one :)

U/S #1

So heres whats cooking. I have 9 measurable follicles and 7 that are super close. I have 4 that are "mature". It looks like im stimming like jacks cycle. Im really hoping to make it a day or 2 longer so we can get more eggs. They are going to call me this afternoon to tell me the plan.

Edited to say: Sticking to the same plan. My e2 is only 102. Which doesnt make sense with 4 mature follicles, i should have at least doubled to 160. So now im scared this isnt going to work out. I go back tomorrow at 7am for another u/s and b/w.

first E2 level.

This is the part of the cycle where things start to ge interesting!!

I went today for my E2 level. This is the estrogen level. Each mature follicle ( where he egg grows) secretes estrogen, each mature follicle gives a level of 200.

Today im at 85. Which is good. Im not "stimming" too quickly like i did my first 2 times. Im hoping to make it to 9 days of stims which would land me for ER on Monday. I only did 7 days with my firts cycle and jacks....average is about 10 days. If you stim too quickly your ovaries get filled with too much fluid which can lead to water surrounding your lungs (which is NOT fun, happened to me with my first cycle).

I go back Tuesday for an u/s and bloodwork. Im feeling good. I can feel the ovaries working and im slighly bloated but so far, so good :)

Why IVF and what is PGD?

I know alot of you are new readers and dont know much about my history. So im going to try and explain it as simply as i can.

I can get pregnant on my own very easily. Pete and i got pregnant on our own within 1-2 months everytime we tried. Thats not my problem. I dont do IVF to get pregnant, i do it for the PGD so i can STAY pregnant.

PGD is Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis. It basically is a super expensive test to test our embryos to make sure they are healthy before we "transfer" them back in. You hear alot about it on GMA and the Today show when people want to choose genders for their kids or eye color, blah, blah. I get so upset over those stories because its a test that really helps people.

With 4 unexplained losses the doctors couldnt find a reason why i couldnt hold onto a pregnancy. So we do the PGD to make sure we have a healthy baby in there (since most miscarriages are due to genetic problems) and i also do Lovenox injections to help with blood flow to the uterus to help the baby thrive.

The road to number 2!

So last New Years we found out i was pregnant. I got on the Lovenox and went in for a beta right away. The beta was low, 32 and then 48 hours later it was 32 again. So i knew something wasnt right. But then the betas rose appropriately. I felt fine so i tried to remain positive. But one night after dinner i started cramping and went to bed early. I woke up with the worst pain. It felt like someone was stabbing me in the ribs on the right side. I took some tylenol pm to help me go back to bed but the pain continued.. Then i had a gush of blood. Pete was awake with me and i knew we had to go to the hospital. Long story it was a ruptured ectopic and i lost the right tube, i was 6.6 wks. Recovery was awful and much worse then my section with jack. I went back to work 3 weeks later ( i work on a postpartum unit in the same hospital i had the surgery). I have to walk through Triage to get to the elevators, i had a panic attacks for the first 2 weeks back, i would cry and needed someone to walk with me up to the floor. It would take me an hour to pull myself together before i could see pts. Going through something like this is very difficult when you need to be around new moms and babies for 8 hours,in the the same hospital where you lost your baby. And taking care of assholes who do drugs or trashy people who just dont give a damn, gets to you. So it was hard. I started to see a counselor in feb and went on zoloft. It helped. I wasnt ready to try again for quite awhile, i needed to work on myself. So i focused on me and jack, lost 15 pounds and just had the summer to go on family trips and hang out with my miracle.

In June we went to a wedding on the Cape and spent the weekend there. This is the weekend we decided we'd go back to Dr. P and see what she had to say about our options. I called that monday and they had an appt available that coming Wed! I wasnt ready for it to be THAT soon! So we went in mid July. She basically told us our best bet would be to do the IVF/ PGD again. She also gave us the great news that the PGD would most likely be covered (it is, and thats 5000 dollars we thought we'd have to pay!!). Pete and i did all the tests and bloodwork and were ready to go in sept. The Egg retrieval was going to fall on Jacks birthday party weekend so we postponed it to this month.

So here we are...

IVF is a 4 part process.

Part one...suppression. I started this on Sept. 30. I take 10 units of Lupron every morning, its an injection that goes into my stomach. This take about 2 weeks. My period was 5 days late. I was very uncomfortable. I went in for my baseline on Oct 13th but my lining was still to thick so i had to go back once my period decided to show, which it did the next day (thank goodness!). So i went back on thursday 10/15, my lining went from 9 to 5.6 (needs to be under 7) so things were good to go.

Part two...stimulation. I started 200u of Follistim last night (another injection in the stomach). Im also still in the Lupron but its decreased to 5 u, i do that one in the morning. The Follistim, stimulates the follicles to grow. The follicles contain the eggs. The Lupron is still given so you dont ovulate while your follicles are growing. I go in this Sunday for bloodwork to make sure im not stimulating to quickly. I hyperstimmed my first cycle so we dont want that to happen again.

Part three...egg retrieval (ER). Prob around 10/25ish

Part 3.5.. PGD analysis...see which embryos are healthy (3 days after ER)., then embryo transfer (happens 5 days after egg retrieval).

Part 4..then we wait...

Jacks 2!!

Jack turned 2 on september 19th. We had a construction party theme. My neighbor and good friend, Tracey made an awesome dirt cake which was put into the back of a toy dump truck. I put oatmeal into a sandbox and put all of jack Wheel Pals in there with shovels such and i put drawing paper over 2 coffee tables and cut out little dump trucks for the kids to color. About 40 people and 10 kids came. It was chaos (since the party got moved into the house since it rained) but it was a great time :)

Jack is so much fun and everyday im so thankful for him. He's starting to talk more and more. Right now hes banging on the windown saying "HIIIIII" to the garbage truck. He says about 25 words and 2-3 word sentences. "Pop, Plllllllleasse" is his favorite lol. He loves cars, coloring, blues clues, jacks big music show, dora, the moose from nick jr., music (dancing!). I take him to Tumbles once a week for an art class which he loved but he's sick of it so we are going back to the regular gym class. His favorite is sliding down the slide and the obstacle courses, along with the zip line. He also loves being outside and going for walks around the neighborhood. He calls is juice his "boof". He loves to jump, give hugs, he hands you everything and if he's playing you have to do it with him. He's a good sharer and is constantly handing me his toys. The dogs are great with him. He bounces all over Nala and she could care less. Sadie more or less ignores him, lol. He's not very good at eating, but loves fruit, yogurt, french fries, hot dogs, and pizza..ohh and his pops! I buy those go gurt yogurts and freeze them :) Hes very social and is always saying "Hiiii" to people. He loves talking on the phone too. he just figured out how to undress himslef so thats been interesting! He naps in the morning 10-12 and sleeps from 8p-7a.

He's a great kid :) <3

Im still working 3-11, 24 hours a week. Its good hours since i dont miss too muc while im gone. My mother, FIL and Tracey watch him when im not here. Next sept im going to look into a preschool type program for him for 2 or so days a week.

a very long overdue update!

Jack is doing very well. He is 16 months and such a riot! He's been walking since Sept 1st and i was the one who saw it! He says mommom, daddee, doggy,hewwo, nana (banana), dat (that). He loves to climb all over everything and is a very social baby, he loves everyone. His favorite shows are lomax, elmo and barney. He sleeps from 7pm to 5am then naps btw 8am-10pm to 10-12, then takes a small nap in the afternoon if im lucky.

Things have been going well. I weaned him completely on dec 19 and i believe i got pregnant that night. I found out on new years. But my betas were 32 and then 32 again 48 hours later. I knew from the start it wasnt going to end well. but then my betas starting rising appropriately. Everything was going well until 1/20. To make a very long story short i ended up with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and had emergency surgery. I lost my right tube. Im pretty devastated and was hoping for a "normal" pregnancy. My OB basically told me to stick to ivf since that was my only successful pregnancy out of the 6 i've had.

So we are going to wait until Jack is 2 and try for another.