7 weeks!

I heart Wednesdays :)

Im feeling pretty blechy today but im trying to ignore it and get out of the house today. Jack has a Toys R Us gift card he wants to use (he wants Lots-o-huggie Bear)...so thats my big plans.

I emailed my nautropath about eating some gluten since the gluten free stuff (bread, bagels, pasta ect.) is making me gag and all i want is Chicken Noodle soup! She said shes just worried about me having an intestinal reaction to it since its been so long. Well i had some chicken Noodle Soup last night and it was fine! im still going to try to stay away from it as much as possible but i dont think im going to deprive myself anymore.

So symptoms:

the nausea is pretty constant, i havent thrown up since last week (which i think was just a stomach bug anyways) and i dry heaved on xmas. But i feel pretty crappy most of the day.
Im starving...i need to eat what seems like every hour but i can only tolerate small portions. Apples have been by far my biggest food source. I am so sick of tortilla chips. Pretzels and chips and chicken broth really help my belly.
My boobs have def grown but they dont hurt, just funny feelings every now and then.
I have Preggo brain really bad....its actually pretty frustrating.
I still get some pulling in my uterus here and there too but not as much as in the beginning.
The exhaustion isnt bad, i just overall have no energy but i dont feel like i cant keep my eyes open...which is good since i have Jack to care for.

Christmas :)

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. We did :) This was the first year Jack "got it" so it was really exciting. On christmas even we went to my SIL's...i felt pretty crappy the hwole time but it was still fun to see everyone. That was the first time i took Zofran and it took 2 hours to kick in! Ever since i took it though i havent been as bad with the nausea. I had to work and it was crazy but whats what you get for being a nurse!

Christmas Jack was so excited. Pete the night before made cookies and put out oatmeal and carrots wit Jack (he videotaped for me). Jack all sorts of things...legos, moon dough, stinky garbage truck, imaginext spaceship, alphie, zhu zhu battle arena, crafts, weeble treehouse, clothes. He's been playing ever since!

Pregnancy wise im doing well. Im nauseous about 75% of the time but it doesnt seem as bad as last week..or maybe im just getting used to it. Eating has been a feat since i feel pretty gross and the smells really get to me. I still get some crampiness here and there and i had one night with some pretty bad round ligament pain. My bbs dont hurt but feel funny here and there. I look about 4 months pregnant but ive lost 4 pounds from not being able to eat alot. The exhuastion is starting to kick in. Between feeling queasy and tired, during my short bursts of normalcy i try to get alot done cause once im tired its all over!

One more week until the next u/s and im getting antsy!

Blech...

I am so nausous! I am not complaining at all...ill take it in an instant. It started the day of the u/s and it really hasnt let up. I vomited at work last night and it was so bad i had to come home early. Im not going to try and be a hero and called to ask for some Zofran. I havent taken it yet but im glad i have the option.

I have no appetite but im starving.. weird, i know. Everything im craving (Papa Ginos pizza, Wendys chix sandwich, itailian grinder) is all stuff i cant have cause of the gluten free diet. And if i eat another corn chip i think ill scream!

Im finding sucking on candy helps alot..ive had so many pieces my tongue hurts!

This is surreal!

We got 2 heartbeats!! HEARTBEATS!!!!! If you dont know my history the only other pregnancy that had a heartbeat is my wonderful little boy!

BABY A - measured 6weeks 110bpm

BABY B- measured 5w6d 102bpm (im 5w5d)

Im in shock! Im still cautious but each day helps me embrace this.

Im staying on the prednisone for another 2 weeks but weaning down from 10mg starting this week.

I go back Jan 3rd for another u/s and after that ill have one more u/s and im realeased to the OB. Seems like shes releasing me at 10 weeks.

Merry Christmas! <3 <3

Lots of emotions

Well yesterday was my family Christmas party. Since the OHSS is making me look a good 4 months pregnant i was trying to hide my situation...well, i failed! I was there 5 minutes and the questions started coming. So the news is out. I was trying to keep the TWINS part out too but that came out as well. Oh well.

I hate that i cant enjoy this. I feel like i need to see heartbeats before i can truly breathe a little easier. The 2T will start 2/2...im counting the days!

Tomorrow i go back for another u/s..ill only be 5w5d but the doc wants to make sure theres growth from the last one. I doubt we'll see heartbeats but maybe we'll get lucky.

Pete is pretty much freaking out. The day we found out he came home and called around to banks to see if we qualify for a construction loan ( we only have a 2 bedroom house). He made a spreadsheet of our finances and were putting caps on how much we can spend grocery shopping and such so we can get a good down payment and get out of this tiny house. We're going to make it work though. If all works out we are going to move our bedroom down cellar and put in a bathroom down there..make our room the babies room..and convert the detached garage into an office. Pete works from home so he cant be in here with a 4y.o and newborn twins and try to work.

Jack....i think this has been my biggest concern. Jack is my little buddy, my pal...we do everything together. He is OBSESSED with me. Constantly loving on me, always needs to be next to me. Im so nervous i wont have the time to love him as much as i do now. I would stay up 24 hours to be able to give all my kids all the love they want. I just hope this doesnt change our relationship too much. I know he's gonna love having bro and sisters...he asks for them ALL the time.

Im not looking fwd to the newborn stage. I love babies but those first 3-6months are tough. Maybe itll be different with 2 and i wont have time to dwell on the nursing and the exhaustion. Jack STILL doesnt sleep through the night. Im gonna be a zombie.

Nursing...i nursed Jack for 15 months. I loved it. Can i nurse twins and have Jack to take care of? I HATE pumping...HATE IT! But i know i can do it. Itll save us a boat load of money so im going to try my hardest but i know for a fact im gonna have to supplement too. Jack was a lazy nurser maybe these babies will be better at it.

Pregnancy...My energy is GONE. I have NONE. I just want to lay on the couch and rest. Im STARVING. Im trying to get in alot of protein to help the babes grow. Im craving fruit and soup. I think i ate 3 apples and 2 pears yesterday on top of a whole plate full from the xmas party before i went to bed! Queasiness/Dizziness hits if i dont eat or just randomly throughout the day..but nothing too bad. My boobs have periods of soreness where it takes my breathe away and they are itchy!

So far, so good....so far, so good.

Why did i write that twice do you ask??

Because its TWINS!

They are both measuring 5w5d (im 5w 1d) so thats great. There was a fetal pole and yolk sac in each sac. I cant believe it!!!

I have pics that i keep looking at to help it all sink in.

So about my beta drama that gave me a complete heart attack for 48 hours...they thought it was a week apart not 4 days. Their protocol is to do the beta a week after the second so they never looked at the dates. My Dr. P was awesome about it took a good 15 minutes to calm me down. After that we did the ultrasound. I had a feeling from the get-go that it was twins so i wasnt really surprised. We were probably the most calm couple they have ever had that just found out that they are having twins. We know we have a long way to go...

But for right now, in this moment, everything is good. I go back Monday for another u/s to check growth and to see if there is a heartbeat. Ill only be 5w5d though so who knows.

TWINS!!!

Beta #3

First off im feeling SO MUCH better! Im still bloated but everything is back to normal...it feels good to feel good again!

So onto my drama today. My beta is 2100 @ 20dpo. Doubling time of 56 hours. I was going to be happy with anything over 2000 so i was happy until the nurse said the doctor (who isnt mine btw) thinks thats "borderline"... WTF??

So of course ive been Dr. Googling up a storm...

Once your beta reaches 1200 it can take up to 96 hours to double and im well within the range of 48-72 hours of doubling....PLUS im still off the charts for a singleton or a twin pregnancy according to betabase. 2 or 3 babes might have implanted and im losing one is also a possibility.

They want me to come back on thursday for another beta and an u/s. I thought about it tonight and im am NOT doing the beta. Id rather go by just the u/s. I should have refused the 3rd beta too...UG!

Trying to remain positive.

Turning around?

Im afriad to say it but i *think* im starting to really feel better. My belly is still really bloated, im having heart palpatations, short of breathe but, i dont feel like im dying!

The worst part is the intestinal cramps i get. They are the worst is my belly is empty.

Pregnancy symptoms are not really sure of. The main one is some crampiness here and there and my boobs will hurt for short periods of time. Im not sure if the nausea is OHSS related or pregnancy...oh and i could eat.a. house.!

They want me to go back toesday for another beta - just to torture me i guess but, they also need to check on the OHSS. If the beta rising correctly it should be around 2400 at that time.

happy news!!

299 to 647!!! doubling time of 43 hours...

Symptom wise, its hard to tell since this OHSS is prety much kicking my ass.

I really wish i could be super estatic but im still so scared... damn RPL!

OHSS sucks donkey balls!

Wednesday night i woke up in EXCUCIATING pain. I felt like my intestines were going to explode. I seriously thought i was going to die, it hurt so bad. Pete brought me to the hospital (thank goodness my mom was here cause i dont think i would have been able to wait for anyone to come get him). I was shaking and crying it hurt so much. I took 2 Tyl #3's and bby the time i got to the hospital i felt 50% better.

The Triage OB's dont see much OHSS so they were all sorts of concerned over the fluid in my lungs, my tachypneas (fast breathing) and tachycardia (my HR was 120's)...i tried to explain ive been like this for 3 days but the PAIN is what is concerning. They did a chest x-ray and i had "moderate plural effusions", they did ABG's and all sorts of other bloodwork.

IN the end i stayed the night for observation. Nothing happened for the rest of the night so i came home yesterday morning.

I have to take the Tyl #3's cause the belly pain is so bad. Its all my oragans all smushed, on top of the Progesterone making my intestines being sluggish, im not having a good time. Dr. P came in and said my blood was "turning around" so i should start feeling better in the next day or so.

I sure hope so cause this is awful!

BETA #2 today....eeek!!

Results are in!

Drumroll please....

at 14dpo (or 11dp3dt) my beta is 299!!

299!

RPL has ruin me because im not super excited..yet! I wish i was running around the house screaming but im still very guarded. Ill feel much better on friday once we know if it doubled or not.

299 is fantastic i just need to wrap my head around it.

Oh, i gained another pound and 2 inches around my belly. Im still short of breathe but im managing..nighttime is the worst.

299!!

BTW my beta with jack was 261 at 16 dpo..

This is horrible!

I havent slept in 3 days..i am in so much pain. My belly is 40 inches around!!! 40! I get attacks in my belly and it feel like soemone is ripping my insides out. If i do too much activity i cant breathe for a good 10 minutes. I can only eat about 5 bites before i become short of breathe or get severe stomach cramps...my lungs are burning, the heatburn is awful.

i feel like im dying,this sucks!

This is def in the top 3 worst things ive had to deal with...It was not this bad last night.

They said it can get worse - you have got to be kidding me!

I cant lay down, i cant sit up, i cant roll on my side, if i stand for too long i get dizzy.

I went in today and i gained 1 1/2 pounds in a day and my belly grew a half inch. I have to go back again today to get more blood work and measurements.

I had to take TYl #3's tonight to relax me cause i just cant take it anymore.

BETA tomorrow!...hoping this is all worth it!!

OHSS

This morning i woke up and started doing things around the house i became short of breathe. This weekend everyday i felt more and more uncomfortable so i wasnt surprised.

i called the RE and they had me come right in. My BP was 158/82 my pulse was in the 120's my respirations were 28-32...they did a u/s and there is considerable amount of fluid in my abdomen. The fluid is pushing up on my oragns which is whats making me very uncomfortable.

The RE said this could indicate im pregnant since this is a late OHSS but its not a definite. I havent taken a test cause im too scared to see a negative test and have to struggle to breathe...thatd make for a bad day...

My blood work came back "hemoconcentrated" so its thick since im dehydrated. I need to go back tomorrow for a repeat. I need to try to drink alot of gatorade to get the fluid out. Thats hard since my belly cant hold much with the presuure. Ive been regurgitating ( nice, i know)..everytime i take a sip.

Im just really hoping this is because im pregnant with a healthy bab(ies) ...

8dp3dt

I am so bloated...seriously i look 5 months pregnant. I am so uncomfortable. It started thursday night and just keeps getting worse. It feels like i have a ballon in my stomach. Im burpy but it doesnt really realif much pressure. Im really hoping its mild case of late OHSS since that means this may have worked...but im not getting my hopes up.

My uterus has had quite of bit of activity in it...mostly feels like a dull achiness.

My bbs get some sharp pains in them every so often but nothing to r eally write home about.

im still really dizzy.

4 more days...

getting scared... 6dp3dt

So its still to early to test or to really feel any symtoms but that doesnt mean the lack of feeling much is making me a tad nervous that this didnt work...

What a i am feeling...

still dizzy - idk if this is preogesterone side effect

sore bb's

the cramping/pulling has basically been non exsistent for a couple days..ill feel a little tug but nothing major. Sometimes it feels like ive got deep little period cramps but it only lasts for a few seconds. when i got pregs with Jack i remember being at work and i could barely stand up i had some pretty serious cramps...i couldnt even stand up straight! i keep waiting for that to happen.That was the day before my beta.


vivid dreams - i wont even tell u what ive been dreaming about!

Now all these symtoms would prob go unnoticed if i wasnt a crazy person and noticing every little twinge...im hypersensitive to my body right now.

6 more days...

Prog check

is was 84...i did my PIO injection - well Pete did it - about 2 hours beforehand so that could be why its so high.

Last night i didnt feel much activity in my uterus...this morning i felt some pressure and felt that here and there throughout the day but nothing major. I mostly just felt slightly dizzy all day. My bb's are slightly sore and i get shooting/burning pains in them every now and then...its more burning then anything.

8 more days... im afraid for the 2WW to end b/c it could be the end of my hope...i like how these 2 weeks i can pretend everything is going to be OK...

3dp3dt and Jack :)

Thats code for 6 days since "ovulation" so ive got 9 more days til i know the results.

So the obsessing has begun...

Yesterday 2dp3dt :
Started feeling some good cramping/burning in my uterus. Def something going on in there. But is it just the work of the progesterone? Im very bloated still but i think thats just the prog. I had a slight case of "fire nipples" yesterday which made me excited cause the last time i had that was Jacks pregnancy...but it was also closer to beta day so idk know if the hormones are just playing tricks on me. I also had some dizziness yesterday..not bad but there. Also im exhausted and all i wanna do is lay down....does prog do that?

Last night i woke up with the burning in my uterus.. i think?? thats a good sign but i dont want to get my hopes up. I also have that ligament pulling....but already?

I know the blastocyst hatches on day 5 and starts implanting very soon after...so im hoping all this is real and not just ,y body playing tricks on me.

So Jack :)....

My little love bug. Im watching him play with playdoh right now and he is just the light of my life. That little boy is such a sweetheart. He is obsessed with me. He kisses and hugs me all day long. At bedtime he wants me to lay with him until he falls asleep. He loves for me to tickles his to sleep...def my kid :) At his 3 yr appt...he weight 29 3/4 pounds and 36 1/2 inches. Still in the 25th percentile...my lil peanut :) I wish i could put into words how much lovei feel for this little person.
He's super excited for Christmas...this isthe first year he kinda gets it. Every commercial on TV he gets so excited! So far his list is:

Weeble Treehouse - its a baby toy and i try to tell him that but the commercial is winning him over lol
Stinky Garbage Truck
Lotso Hugging Bear
Duplo
Imaginext Spaceship
Zoobles

We've tried to take him to Santa a few times but he fell asleep. He asks everyday if Santa is coming. Pete bought a blow up Santa and put it outside and Jack loves it!

Transfer

This transfer was by far the most uninformed one ive ever had. With PGD i always got 2+ phone calls from my doc telling me how the embryos are doing, thier stages and what will be transferred.

I go no phone calls this time asides from the IVF lab to tell me 6 were progressing.

Yesterday - the day of the transfer- we woke up, dropped Jack off at my IL's and heading in.

They recently moved my RE's office from a cozy office to a more contemporary building that now has 2 floors. Im still getting use to the place. My ER i was stuck in a small room with the door closed while i slowly slipped into a panic attack (not full blown but shaky and crying)..all my anxiety during the cycle erupts on this day.

So anyways..same thing happened...they put me into a small room told me to take off my pants and wait...and wait. Thanksfully Pete was with me or i would have gone nuts. We had NO IDEA how many they wanted to transfer, how the embabies were doing, ect.

After an hour and a hlaf the doctor and the embryologist finally came in. It was Dr. Robins who was really nice and he told me "we are transferring 4 today"....I was like "WHAT?!"....i guess Dr. P said to put in 4 so they "hatched" 4. He said the 4th one was only a 4 cell and most likely "wont make it"...So we didnt have the heart to say NO...what if he/she is a little fighter and thats the one that sticks?

In this room i could barely see the screen so i didnt get to see the flash of light when the embryos went in....They told me to lay there for 15 minutes (another new thing) then i could get up, pee, get dressed and leave.

So i walked out of there with:

2- 8 cells
1- 7 cells
1- 4cells

inside my uterus...

I layed around all day yesterday and plan on doing the same thing today.

Now we wait..

Day 2 report

Welp i go tomorrow at 9:20am for transfer. I have:

3 -4 cells
3 - 2 cells

So when we (Dr. P and I) talked about transfer w/o PGD her plan of attack was to put in 3-4 on day 3.....im completely against 4...nervous about 3 but i trust her. I guess we'll find out tomorrow what is recommended and me and Pete will go along with whatever they suggest - expect for the "4" part...

So it 14 hours ill be PUPO (pregnant- until proven otherwise) :)

Oh and i finally feel better..People ask me all the time what ER feels like. Its funny my ovaries dont hurt at all afterwards its the top of my belly. It basically feels like someone kicked me in the stomach 20+ times and i have internal bruising.

I cant do acupuncture until Monday so we are going to take the weekend and hang out as a family, which is my most favorite this to do :)

Fert Report!

9 eggs retrieved...8 mature...6 fertilized!!

Im psyched with that number...i was going to be happy with 3 so 6 is awesome! They said ill have a day 3 transfer on Saturday. Ive never done a day 3 transfer but i think its time for something different :) Im pretty sure we'll put in 3.

Im feeling better today, still sore but OK. Im missing out on Turkey Day at my inlaws but i need one more day to really relax. Plus Jack doesnt get the concept im in pain and wants me to do everything (which i happily do, but im spent now).

Pete was also sick last night and went to bed early last night and i was put on Jack duty...

pete made me a gluten free turkey dinner before he left, what agreat hubby :)

Egg Retrieval

Besides anxiety everything went fine...my IV got put in on the first attempt so thats good news. Dr. Wheeler did my retrieval, i never had her before but she was pretty nice. The only thing is is we only got 9 eggs... All my other retrievals i had 12-20 eggs so this is the lowest i ever had but my E2 was the highest i ever had...weird. Im hoping for 5 to make it to the growing stages. Im guessing ill end up with a 3 day transfer since i didnt get many eggs. If thats the case i feel ok putting in 3 even i know triplets are still a possiblity.

I cant contrl this so whatever is to happen will happen. Im just hoping these 9 eggs are all mature so they all get a chance to fertilize. Im suppose to call at 2 for my fert report...but im thinking they may call me earlier since its thanksgiving.

PLEASE.....

Triggering

So my E2 yesterday was 1474 and today it was 2175

Todat showed 19 meaurable follicles...they all were measuring smaller then yesterday?! Which makes no sense but im triggering so im happy with that.

Going in Wednesday at 700am...

Dr. P cant do my ER which sucks but what can u do...

hopefully this is it!

follie check #3

Even tho im at a 22, they are pushing me another day

L: 22,20, 17, 17

R: 21.5, 21.5, 16, 15.5, 14.5, 14, 13.5, 13

So thats 12 measurable...20 all together since i have 8 less then 12. She wants the little guys to catch up a bit more...so lets hope for a good dozen :)

My E2 was in the 840's yesterday and i forgot to ask today...ill find out tomorrow when i go back.

Follie Check #2

I made some good progress..

L0: 19.5, 18,16.5, 13 4<12

RO: 20.5, 19, 14.5, 13, 13.5, 12 4<12

So i have 18 follicles 10 measurable and 5 mature. My biggest is a 20.5 so im getting one more day..thank goodness...curious to see what tomorrow is going to bring.

Yesterday my E2 was 343..

Follie check #1

So we have 14 follicles with 5 measurable and 3 are mature with my biggest being 19. The nurse thinks ill be back tomorrow...she said the ones that werent measurable were all around 11 so hopefully by tomorrow, all will be measurable and that 19 will stall in growth so i can a few more days/eggs under my belt - no pun intended :)

LO: 19,17.5, 14, 12 3<12
RO: 15.5 6< 12

Will edit when i get my E2 level.

Now things get interesting

After 6 weeks of waiting we are finally in the stim phase. Today im on day 4..i usually "stim" for 9-10 days. I went in for a E2 check today and things are moving ALOT faster then my last 3 cycles. My e2 was 274 (which is even higher then what it was with Jack). Egg retrieval will be either tuesday or wednesday at this rate.

I go backFriday for an u/s to see whats really cooking in there!

Im begging for this to work this time....

Officially a pin cushion

Started the Lupron yesterday. I ovulated today so egg retrieval and such will be the week of thanksgiving!

So far so good on the gluten free diet...my skin is clearer i sleep so much better and i dont look 4 months pregnant on a daily basis! YAY :)

Back to IVF

Well AF decided to show 3 days early so we're getting this show on the road. Ill do my CD 3 bloodwork tomorrow and start Lupron on day 21..so thatll be Oct 24. Egg Retrieval will most likely be in the 2nd week of November. Im excited to get this rolling again.

So i went to the Naturopath last week and it was really interesting. She told me i may have a gluten sensitivity and going on a gluten free diet will help lower my ANA (which is now 1: 160 nucleaor patterned, whatever that means) but it was 1:320 when trying for Jack so its lower but that was taken while on the Medrol.

So im now gluten free - i feel a difference, def not as bloated as usual so i think this chick was on to something. But let me tell switching over to all organic on top off gluten free - OUCH! on my wallet! But the food is actually pretty good...i confess, i ate a whole thing of cookies in 3 days! But for 6 dollars i should have enjoyed them!

Back to the Naturopath....she also put me on a "more potent" PNV, and antioxident formula called NAC and extra vitamins called ACES plus Zinc. I cant remember if it was the vitamins or the antioxidents but one of them was used in a study for RPL and the women who took it had a 82% success rate! Ill take it!!

She also told me to put Castor Oil on my belly and put heat on it, that will help too, somehow.

I really liked her and i hope this all works.

So for the next 6 weeeks ill follow the diet, go to Acupuncture 2x a week, take more supplements, eat all Organic and wish. hope. and pray. Pete says we should add "go to church" to the mix, which i think is a good idea.

Diagnosis: Bad Luck

So i saw Dr. P today and we went over my new plan. She was actually glad i came in to go back to IVF since this plan wasnt working.We are going to do IVF no PGD (1. b/c im a bit jaded by it now with back to back losses and 2. she doesnt think itll be covered and i dont have 6000 to throw down to pay for something thats not a sure thing).

Shes not super keen on me taking the prednisone but she going to continue the medrol for 4 days and then go to 5mg of prednisone to maintain the effects of the medrol but if i get pregnant it will increase to 10mg until a heartbeat is detected then we'll wean off of it.

We are going to do 3 weeks worth of Doxycycline b/c i have a history of endometritis (infection of the uterine lining) and my last antibiotic treatment was 8+ months ago so just to cover our bases.

We are going to push for a Day 5 transfer and put in 2 of the best. Pete and i do not want to put in more then 2 since we got pregnant with the triplets and thats not something we can handle.

My period is due next thursday so the ER will be in November.

She said i have a 2/3 chance of having another baby - thats a 66.6% chance....lets hope.

GRRR

So i went in for my u/s and i have one follicle on my RIGHT side... UG. I have no tube on my right side AND im spotting for some strange reason. The follicle was a 20, which means they are having me trigger tonight. Im only on CD 8! So basically this cycle is a bust.

Im calling tomorrow to get an appt with Dr. P to go over doing IVF again. Im so over only getting 1 follicle...i need to get this party started!

Now the next question... to PGD or no PGD...

Here we go, yet again

So i am on day 3 of stims. Im on 100units of Follistim which i feel is WAY too high since i was on 175 with my IVF and got 12-20 eggs! I go in tomorrow for a E2 check to make sure the dosage isnt too high. My ovaries are def. working. If i have too many follicles for plain ol' ovulation then im going to tell them to do IVF (why not, whats another cycle?) ...i am NOT wasting eggs. I prob wont do PGD with it though...thinking ahead of myself. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

Tomorrow...

is Jacks BIRTHDAY!!! My "baby" is 3!! I'm so exciting for tomorrow since he has been counting down his birthday for like 100 days lol. It all started when i told him id get him a toy he wanted for his birthday...so EVERYDAY he asks when his birthday is! We got him the Imaginect Bigfoot, and little thingslike stickers, coloring books a pillow pet, buzz lightyear costume, Toy story books, towels. My mom got him Toy Story on ICe tickets for tomorrow so he is super psyched. I cant wait to see him face tomorrow when he ses the presents and its finally his birthday!!

Tomorrow is also a reminder that my uterus DOES work!

I joined a message board online with women who are going through this hell too....of course i beat everyone with the number of losses i've had :( and most are in the 40's trying to have kids. Alot of ppl write to me and ask if ive been tested for immune stuff.

No i havent...the basics, yes but the 1000 dollar work-up...no. I dont see the need, my RE and my OB dont see the point either. If anythings comes back + im already on the meds. I dont feel comfortable with Intralipids...so heparin, BA, 4mg of Folic Acid, b complex, medrol, prednisone, vitamin e, EPO, Prog in Oil and PNV will have to do.

I really think PGD#2 loss was a true chemical or a ectopic since my shoulder killed as soon as i found out i was pregnant...the triplets, i think my body was like "hells no"..so im really, truly hoping the next pregnancy is a good one. Maybe the PGD did damage my embryos?! I really wish we knew but we dont...

If im not pregnant by Janurary i think i may do IVF again. I need this to be done with.

Sad

Maybe its cause im PMSing but i am just soo sad today. Its not only sadness, but frustration, fear, and lonliness...

What if this never happens again? Ive always wanted a big family (3 kids) and with all this bullshit I'm OK with 2. I just never thought this was going to be so hard the 2nd time around. I thought i d a few IVF cycles, get pregnant and move on with my life....But here i am one year later, 3 IVF cycles, a chemical pregnancy and a loss of triplets and 3 Clomid cycles under my belt...the only thing i have to show for what I've gone through is a broken heart.

I search high and low on the internet for some kind of inspirational stories but i may find one out of 100. I know my own story is inspiration but i need more at this moment. I'm trying so hard to keep myself afloat and be happy but today I'm tired and I'm sad...This is NOT FAIR and I'm OVER IT. "Everything happens for a reason", "Relax and it will happen", "but you have Jack.."....I want to tell everyone to SHUT THE FUCK UP....just give me a hug and say "this sucks and im sorry!"

I know ill be OK b/c 90% of the time, i am. But today im not OK im irritated at the world..

I asked Pete about doing IUI this month with the Follistim but he said "why since my sperm is fine..." Which is true. My "day one" will most likely be tomorrow. SO we'll get the ball rolling again soon. Ill def be doing Follistim - just need to make sure they will allow timed intercourse with it.

UG!

Negative at 12dpo. WTF!

I could write for days about how much this is starting to piss me off, but im sure you already know... I know this is only our 3rd month trying on our own but its never taken us this long to get pregnant. Im just glad it not a misscarriage, thats what i keep saying. When this happens again it needs to be PERFECT!

Going to move onto Follistim this cycle and hope for more then one egg.

11 dpo

Sorry for the lack of updates but there really isnt one. I really dont have many symptoms. Which i dont know what to think about since theres months were i have a gamete of them and im not pregnant. But ill list out the ones i have just for the fun of it. Bloating, mont. tuburcles, blue veins, irritabe, burning BB's.

Im 11 dpo today, i havent taken a test yet. Im going to Acupuncture today and hoping she feels my pulse and says she think im pregnant. If so ill prob take a test in the morning.

Im really not looking forward to doing this this again if im not. But i have no choice lol.

Progesterone Level

35 at 5dpo!! woo-hoo!!

2 in 1

So Acupuncture:

I REALLY like the lady im going to now, by far the best one (out of 4 ive tried). She told me not to eat/drink anything cold (which is not easy btw), dont pick up Jack (also, hard) eat alot of protein, and put warmth on my feet. Im seeing her once a week and she says this can help. I sure hope so!

Fertility:

Last thursday on day 10 i went in for my u/s. I was hoping for 3 follicles since i took 150mg of Clomid. Well i didnt get 3, i got 1 and it was on my left side (thats 3 months in a row with follies on my left side!) So it only takes one. The follicle was 28.5 and they said i would def be ovulating in the next couple days. Pete and i went to NY the next day for a wedding so we had the whole weekend to ourselves! So im hoping we accomplished our goal! oh my e2 was 530ish (so im hoping there was another follies hiding behind the big one).

Today i am 3dpo and ever since Sunday ive been sick with a slight cold/fever. Im really hoping this doesnt hurt anything. Today i started feeling some slight crampiness but i know its way too soon...Fingers crossed!

Plan #523

So injectables are out this month since Pete and i are going away for a wedding during the weekend of Ovulation (note the capital O for importance) and i need to be monitored. I didnt realize it was going to be super extensive so Dr. P upped my Clomid to 150mg (as per my suggestion b/c im a super PIA). Im going in Thursday for my baseline and start the Clomid tomorrow.

Im also throwing in acupuncture (again) this cycle. Alot of my friends/co-workers have been telling me about this lady for months so i figure id give it a try since one of my friends just went to her and got pregnant the first month after struggling for a bit. She even takes insurance which is a major plus! Acupuncture usual just feels like "more needles and appointments" but ill give it a shot, maybe ill like it this time. Ive also been doing chiropractic ajustments for 6 months and thats suppose to help.

I also do other crayz things because it MAY help...i drink lemon water (suppose to detoxify your body), i take a crapload of supplements fish oil, evening primrose, vitamin e...the normal baby aspirin, 100x more Folic Acid then the normal person, i switched my shampoos and conditioners, body wash all to organic also my facewash is organic now...ill move onto organic makeup at some point...my deoderant is organic. I buy organic milk, and fruits and veggies...Trader Joes is my new favorite store.

I Hope. I think positive. Every month i figure out my due date and i focus on that all month long. I think about how the season will be, how old jack will be, i even look at pajamas in Tagret and think "those would be cute the hospital"....Im crazy lol...or i call it HOPEFUL, DETERMINED, POSITIVE. I cant let mesyelf feel sorry for myself. Other people in the world have cancer or just lost a child, their husband, their job, house ect. I got a great husband, son, house, job, dogs, family and friends. Im not going to spend one minute complaining about what i DONT have when i have so much.

But that doesnt mean im not going to try like HELL to get what i want!

Day 1

Again. This. Sucks.

Yes, no, maybe?!

These are the questions in my head. I got the call yesterday that i definately ovulated. My progesterone was 15.3 (or was it 50, im going to check my labs today when i go to work).

I def. have symptoms. I noticed yesterday (5dpo) my montgomery tubercles are very prominent and i have a bunch of CM (some EW)...this morning (6dpo) i have some pulling on my right side just like i had with Jack and my last 2 pregnancies. Im bloated my boobs feel heavy and im tired and hungry. All these symptoms started yesterday with more pronounced today.

We'll see. I havent decided when ill test. Ill probably start around 10dpo, which is wednesday.

i never "make sense"

So for the past 8 days ive gone in for monitoring 6 times! Thats more then when i was doing IVF...the point of doing clomid was for things to be easier on me, sheesh!

Anyways my ovaries never showed a follicle bigger then 12mm. But i told the nurses about 3 days ago i started to get EWCM (an ovualtion sign) and that i was feeling alot of twinges on both sides, but still no follicles were growing. Well yesterday the nurse called me and said "You saw your ovaries, theres nothing there BUT your bloodwork indicates you are about to ovulate!....Torri, this just doesnt MAKE SENSE!"....HAHAH all i could do was laugh because this is the story of this journey! So the nurse told me to "have intercourse" yesterday and today.

The next step is for a progesterone check on friday. If that indicates ovulation ill start all my meds.

Im pretty sure this cycle is a bust but crazier things have happened!

Hope?

So my CD 10 ultrasound wasnt so exciting. I had 2 follicles, on eon each side, both measuring 12mm. Last time i had 2 also but were much bigger at 24mm and 17mm. My e2 was also only 76 (343 last time). So i go back Monday for another u/s to make sure these follies keep growing. I def wont be O'ing on CD 13 though. Im guessing more like 16ish. We'll see. Also my stripe was only 5.7, which is pretty sucky but it has time to thicken so im hopeful monday will bring better results. If this month doesnt work out im going to ask to go on Follistim next cycle.

So tonight at work (im a postpartum nurse....yes one of the worst professions while going through this hell but i seriously love my job - most days). So anyway, i had a pt who had twins after 6 miscarriages and doing IVF/pgd..it took her 5 cycles to get these babies. She also had a son the same age as jack and had a ectopic where to lost her right tube, just like me...crazy! But talking to her tonight gave me hope. I know my own story gives me hope too but sometimes its nice to know your not alone.

For the first time in months ive felt like this may actually happen again! :)

Day 1

Day 1 ....i think im becoming a very agitated RPL'er....about time right?

Im sick of day 1's.. and 3's and 10-14's and day 21's and days 10-14dpo. Im hating them all because they are my countdown and everyday i have to know what "DAY" it is. And as long as i have to know the DAY then that means im still stuck in this HELL!

Im becoming SO. OVER. IT!

I wrote to the SIRM message boards this week to see what their opinion is. And they think i need to test for Natural killer cell activitiy and DQ alpha antigen (basically saying pete and I's DNA are too "alike" and my body doesnt "get it" that it s a baby)...So should i spend hundreds of dollars to get these tests done? IDK. If they come up negative ill go on intralipids to help suppress my immune system but if this IS my problem HOW DID I HAVE JACK?! UG!!! Plus i really dont want to do IVF again but they only like to do IVF in conjuntion with treatment since you know your putting in healthy babes (yes id do PGD again)....BUT this is a out of network faciltiy which means id have to pay 80% of the IVF and the PGD wont be covered at all most likely. So thats WAY too much money on a gamble.

Plus im on the prednisone now and that supresses the immune system. I feel like i need to give this treatment plan a "go" before i move onto experimental treatments.

This is what is in my head these days...

How many does it take?

I must have taken 10 tests in 2 days and all are negative!! GRRR.

I was really hoping this was going to work on the first try on our own. My period is due tomorrow so in 2 weeks or so we'll just try again.

TRY AGAIN.

UG! Ive been really scared that this is just not going to happen. I try to talk to Pete about it and tell him my concerns that we may just NOT have a 2nd baby...and it makes me really sad :( But he is still positive. I just dont get how i did this just 2 years ago and my body is just not getting the memo.

I know i have a good life and that makes me feel stupid for wanting this but, its always been my dream to be a mom. Everytime Jack hugs me or says "i Lub you" i melt and im so sad this may be my only time i get to enjoy this with a little one. I know im lucky to even experience this. But i always wanted a big family.

I just want this to happen.

A Negative Test at 11dpo

Im so mad at myself that i tested this early because i know full well i could still be pregnant but no, ive been kinda mopey all day b/c of it. Hoping tomorrow i get a good 2nd line.

I havent tested this early since trying on my own 5 years ago. With all my IVF cycles i waited until day of beta. STUPID STUPID.

I have some symptoms...My nipples are going crazy with mong. tubucles (which is usually my tip-off), im extremely bloated, super hungry after i just ate and unbearably cranky.

Hoping this negative test is nonsense!!

The jist so far.

So im currently 7dpo which means a little baby should be implanting right about now. It's weird not to be couped up on the couch and enjoying a fabulous 4th of july weekend! I also missed no work due to IVF and between me and you, being able to "try" with my hubby was quite nice! :)

As far as symptoms, who really knows, nothing too crazy...just the normal twinches and pains.

All the shots have been fine.

I got my prog checked today 49.10! Thats the best ive ever had! My ovaries obviously like me better when i O on my own!! So i started 5mg Prednisone today. Im hoping that makes all the difference in the world!

Here we go....again!

Here's some pics from our recent vaca to N. Conway, NH. I love this kid :) We went to the waterslides today for the first time and the giggle he did the whole way down each time (which was at least 50 times) makes all this bullshit worth while....i get a pretty awesome prize at the end.

So here is the long awaited update. I got my period on 6/16... did 100mg of Clomid 3-7 went in for my HSG on thursday 6/24 (all clear, and it wasnt too bad..got alittle dizzy when they put in the ballon and everyone kept saying "you ok, you ok"...made me nervous but it was fine.) Then friday on day 10 i went in for follie check and i had 2 follies on my left side (same side i have my tube YAY!) and they measured 15.5 and 23.5 so ill most likely release both. My e2 was 353.

Ive been taking OPK's every 4 hours the past 2 days and got a + last night (sun) and this morning (mon). Pete and i got to business on Friday night, sunday morning and this morning im gonna try to get one more time out of him and then we wait. I know ill O today since im bloated and have pain on my left side...so if we get to one more time either tonight or tomorrow am then we did all we can do.

I start my medrol, heparin and progesterone in 3 days. I go in for my prog check next monday. Then ill start Prednisone until a baby with a heartbeat is detected.

I will get pregnant its just will it work with this protocol? Hoping so....

The Plan

So after i vented yesterday i realized i hadnt updated to give my next plan and what happened after that ultrasound. You can pretty much guess it was all over very shortly after that. I started bleeding on 5/17. The doctor wants me to wait a month to give my body a bit of a break (or maybe my sanity). So here i sit waiting for my period. I dont even know if i ovulated yet....ug!

Once i get my period i call and get 100mg of Clomid and schedule a HSG to check my lone tube (i have never had this test before). The rationale was i get pregnant so why check it but with 1 ectopic and one suspected ectopic they want to make sure everything looks good. The clomid will also help me ovulate on my one "good" side each month too.

Im staying on my 4mg Folic Acid, BA, Vitamin E, PNV and im guessing Lovenox (im going to ask for heparin since thats what i was on with Jack, even though i know its the same thing, im superstitious.)

Our major change (besides having sex rather then getting poked and prodded) is starting prednisone (medrol) after ovulation and staying on it until we see a baby with a heartbeat then weaning off of it....so itll probebly be until week 10 or so.

I do have a +ANA antibody so this, BA and heparin will most likely work ( it better!).

So youll hear from me once my period finally decides to show!

Sick.of.it.

I feel like screaming!! Everywhere i turn someone is knocked up! This past week we went to Storyland with Jack and i saw all over the place women pregnant with their 2-3 yr old with them...and there i was just FAT since i stress/pity eat (which im going on WW monday). But im seriously getting SICK OF THIS!! This was NOT suppose to be this hard this time around WTF!!! It is a year ago this month we decided to have another baby and hear iam still going through this hell! I felt desperate to have Jack and i havent felt that way this time around until this past week.

Im breaking down, i just want to complete my family, feel whole and be D-o-N-E with this!

Im happy for everyone that is preganant, believe me. But it starts to get disheartening when people email you and need advice on how to cope with trying or going through a miscarraige and one after another they get pregnant again and have healthy babies while your still sitting here trying, coping, wishing, praying, crying and living a life that doesnt feel complete. I love what i have and i am TRULY greateful but, im having a moment and im pissed!

I just want another baby and everyone with their baby bumps, sonograms pictures, and pregnancy announcements can go suck an egg!

Rollarcoaster ride.

UG! So we went in for my u/s this afternoon and we saw the 3 sacs right away. The yolk sac is still in baby A and B and C are empty and looked "small". She didnt sem to give those 2 much hope. She spent alot of time on sac A and measuring it but i could tell she wasnt very hopeful.

Im only 5w1d so she said she wants to give it another couple days and see what happens. MY beta was only 53. I do feel crampy today so who knows. But it wasnt very promising AT ALL.

So we talked alittle bit about a plan. Im done with IVF. I cant do it anymore esp if im getting the same results with the IVF. So Pete and i are just going to have fun and let nature take its course. Ill get a HSG just to check my other tube and then stay on the Baby asprin and go on Progesterone supplements to be safe. MIGHT do clomid but not sure.

Im very sad but i know it will work again at some point. I need to live my life and not let this be such a big part of it.

Wasnt expecting this!!

Ok so i got the call today that my beta dropped to 103 and was told to stop all meds. The nurse asked how i was feeling and i told her i was really dizzy (which ive had for a good 4 days), and i had some slight shoulder pain which i knew was just muscular. She told me i needed to go to the hospital and have a quick u/s to make sure it wasnt another ectopic....UG!

Thankfully i had my mom with me and Tracey took Jack. We get to the hospital and they do the ultrasound and the tech is seriously in my vagina for 45 minutes! I could tell she was looking at something very intently. It was driving me CRAZY. I tried and tried to ask her what she was seeing but, no response. I was even trying to look in her glasses to see the reflection of the screen, lol.
My legs started shaking so my mom came over and held one of the them. And she said i see black holes and i told her its probably my follicles on my ovaries....well after the tech was done i pee'd and came back in. I saw on the screen:

Baby A 4w6d
baby B 4w5d
baby c...i dont know i was in shock!

I said to my mom (and pete, he came in the last 5 minutes). "Why does it say baby a,b,c ?!" and my mom said "she kept going back to FETUS C".....WHAT?!? So we all sat there for 10 or so minutes trying to figure out what is going on. The tech came back in and said to get dressed and shes calling the ER....the ER?!? WHY!? So i thought i had another ectopic and i was going to get the tube out. The next thing i know the radiologist comes in and gives me Dr. P's private cell number and tells me to call her as soon as i get reception...ummm ok.

So we walk outside and i put her on speakerphone and she says:

"well torri, they found 3 sacs in your uterus all measuring 2 days within gestational age!" "One even has a yolk sac in it." "Your betas must be so high they are not reading correctly" "Im going to call the lab and get them redrawn..."

Ok so mind you my beta number is only 103! NOTHING should be seen on ultrasound nevermind 3 sacs!!!

Im a freaking mystery!

I go back wed for another beta level and an ultrasound at 1:30 and im trying like heck to find someone to work for me.

I am in SHOCK!

Lost...

Lonely, defeated, scared, upset, mad, pissed, hopeful...hopeless,confused, guilty, let-down...

I could go on but im sure you get the idea. I. am. so. sad.

WHY? Im so confused. How did this work with Jack and not now?

Thank GOD for Jack. Seriously.

I just want to get away from all this, away for a few days, clear my head feel happiness and strength...so i can do this again.

AGAIN...UG! Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit, but not having a second babe makes me so sad. Im a GOOD MOM. I deserve babies, a whole bunch of them. I do not feel complete.

So what do i do? My only option is to keep trying. Adoption, Surrocacy...options but not covered by insurance...

Im sad. So very sad :(

7

Number only went up to 148...

loss #7...

going monday to check to see whats happening.

I dont know how much more i can take :**(

OneHundredTwentyOne

121!!

I was going to be happy with anything over 100, so im happy. I go back friday for another draw and hoping it doubled.

PLEASE KEEP GROWING BABY!!! :)

I took a digital this morning at 545 after a very fitful nights rest. I went downstairs and told pete i was super nervous so he came up and sat next to me while i pee'd on the stick. We both watched the hourglass blink and within 45 seconds it said PREGNANT. My heart was beating so fast i had to sit down and take deep breathes.

One hurdle down, a whole bunch to go...hopfully about 33 weeks worth :)

Tomorrow is the day!

and i havent cheated!!

Period is due today, nothing, but im on the prog so thats probably why.

So lets see if i can remember my symptoms

Sunday 7dp5dt - not as bloated but def felt nausea at work...cramping was minimal, very gassy (burpy)...i feel gross after i eat.

Monday - same, bloated, on off bobby pains, tired..took afternoon nap

Tuesday - right and left sided ligament pulls, super nausea, booby pains

Pete bought a digital test a few days ago, so ill be taking that tomorrow morning before my beta...just ike i did with Jack.

Starting to get nervous that this didnt work...

FINGERS CROSSED!!

6dp5dt..and Jack :)

So im so bloated i look like im 5 months preggo. I dont know if its OHSS or the progesterone. All i know is im uncomfortable. I can breathe just fine so i know if it is OHSS its not severe. My "cramping" has been minimal the last fwe days, last night i felt some burning in my uterus, which was odd. My bbs are also the same....heres some TMI (but this is my dairy and i need to document everything)..my nips seem darker and my Montgomery tuberclues are bigger...i analyze everything lol. My shoulder hurts (again and this is irritating me cause i hope it doesnt meaan the pregnancy is in the tube.) My smell also seems a bit stronger.

Jack...
He had his 2 1/2 yr appt last week. He is now 27.6 pounds and 35 inches (both 25th percentile). He talking like crazy now. This past week everyday he is saying like 3 new words a day. He will repeat everything we say, which is so fun to watch. He even says "i love you" now! We started potty training about a week ago and he is doing very well. We've def had some accidents but for the most part i go through 1 maybe 2 pull ups a day. We went to the circus yesterday an he flipped out!! I think it was way too much stimulation for the little guybut i bought him a pop an he was fine after that (of course lol). We've also tried the Drive-Ins to see "how to train a dragon" which he was so excited about but by the time the movie started it was his bedtime and he just kept saying "i want to go hooomme!"...He is super into dinosaurs and dragons. He is sucha love and i cant imagine my life with this little guy!!

The update..(4dp5t)

Yesterday i felt some good cramping while at work and my bbs are not constantly sore but ill get waves of soreness...my bbs never really hurt with jack either.

Today same thing about the boobs and some slight twinching...sometimes is more like a period like crampiness...like it deep inside and im about to start a flow any second which is associate with a slight ache in my back.

Im exhausted today but that could be from the progesterone and the fact i just worked 2 days in a row and my kid has ecided not to sleep anymore.

Also had some nausea today...who knows...

FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Nothing really happening..

Ok i know its only been 3 days since my transfer but i think implanatation should have happened yesterday...so im hoping ill start feeling something...soon.

Im def. bloated, i got some booby pains but nothing major and im concentrating so hard on my uterus i dont know if the slight twinges are actually my imagination. Yesterday i had a pretty queasy belly but i think its too soon for that to be a "real" symptom.

UG!! Please let this work.

On a good note my Progesterone was actually high enough at 36.6!

FINGERS CROSSED!!!

and the obsession begins...

OK ive said before im superstitious about verbalizing my symptoms and how im feeling out loud and i use this blog as my outlet.

So the transfer was yesterday and on the way to drop Jack off at my moms', the poor things threw up all over himself and Petes car :( We had to pull over on the side of the road and do a full out wardrobe change in the rain! Jack seemed fine and was singing "rwan rwan go a way" lol. He was fine the rest of the day.

Anyways we get there and we wait for a good half hour and i seriously thought my bladder was going to burst, i could literally feel my bladder pulsate it was so full (and i even emptied a bit 3 times). The girl next to us fianlly came out of the transfer room and i heard her say she felt the valium kick in, so i knew she had a tough time, poor thing. I dont care about the transfer the egg retrieval is much more stressful for me since it entails an IV.

So i go into the room and Dr. B was there (he did my transfer in oct.) I knew he was going to say negative things about my embryos and he did. My hatching blast looked "excellent" but my blast "wasnt great" and my 3rd was "just a morula". But i dont care. My last transfer was of 2 "excellent" hatching blasts and it didnt work so what going to stick is going to stick no matter what.

It was the fastest tranfer. ever. I layed down the put the catheter right in, grabbed the embryos, checked my name and DOB, pointed to the screen and in they went. It took maybe 2 minutes.

I rested that whole day and even took a good 2 hour nap - which was needed since Jack was up all night with nightmares ( i know, poor thing!). I def felt crampy the day of the transfer. I also felt pretty calm. Ive accpeted i cant control this...whats gonna be is gonna be and theres nothing i can do but keep trying. I guess im numb to it.

Today i lounged until 3pm. Then took a shower and went up to get Jack. Cooked dinner and tried to take it easy for the remainder of the night. Tomorrow is my prog check an im hoping its in the normal range since im on 2cc of Prog. And then im back to work...UG!

Today my bbs felt somewhat heavy and sore...but that could be the Prog. Im still feeling some crampiness but nothing too noticeable.

Its gonna be a long 8 days...

Now we wait...

About 5 hours ago i became pregnant (until proven otherwise) with triplets GIRLS!!!

Dr. P called me this morning to tell me we were going to transfer:

1 hatching blast,

a blast (which i guess didnt look "great")

and a morula.

The 4th one (the boy) was also a morula. They are going to reevaluate the boy tomorrow and if it makes it to a blast they are going to freeze him.

So it wasnt an A+ transfer but my last one was and we know how that ended...

Im hopeful and staying positive. :)

Surreal!

I have done 5 cycles of IVF/PGD and the most "healthy" i have ever had was 2.

well today i got the call that i have:

FOUR!!!

I.am.in.shock.

And another crazy tid-bit is out of all my healthy embryos i have had one healthy girl and six boys...

Today i have:

3 GIRLS and 1 boy! NUTS!

So the plan is to transfer the 3 best ones. Dr. P is going to call me in the a.m. and let me know how they look and the genders around 8am. Transfer time is 950am.

Dr. P called me at 5pm and when she told me i had four my first reaction was "what am i going to do with 4?!?" lol


FINGERS CROSSED!!!!

Day 3 report

All 10 were PGD'd

today they should be 4-8 cells

i have:

4 ..8 cell
2 .. 7 cell
2 ..6 cell
1 .. 5 cell
1 .. 4 cell

Should get the PGD report tomorrow afternoon sometime...

FINGERS CROSSED!!

Day 2 report

We have 10 growing!!

9 4 cells
1 3 cells

I call tomorrow to see how many made it to PGD testing....2 more days of holding my breathe!

Fertilization Report

So out of the 20 eggs retrieved...

15 were mature!! and..

11 FERTILIZED!

This is the best we have ever gotten. I call tomorrow to see how well they are growing.

Still hoping for 3 to be healthy....yes we are going the PGD.

FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Egg Retrieval

It wasnt so bad...

We got there at 7am and i got called in about 720. They went through the admit stuff, Dr. F looked me over and anesthia. I got my Valium and looked at the clock very impatently for 20 minutes while they did the first ER. The Valium def helped relax me and the wrapped my arms up in warm towels. When it was time for the IV she got in on the first try (YAY!). She also gave me Zofran (anti nausea med) so i would puke on the way home (which worked). So all in all everything went well.

Really well since i got 20 EGGS!!! I couldnt believe it! Im super psyched and hoping i have 10-12 embryos make it to the growing stages and hopefully get 3 normals! I call tomorrow at 2 to find out the progress.

FINGERS CROSSED!!!!

Got my wish!

My e2 came back 2017 so they let me trigger last night at 815pm. I go in at 7:00am tomorrow. With 19 measurable follicles im hoping for a good 12 eggs.

Dr. P wont be able to do my surgery but hopefully she can do my transfer.

Jack will be at my moms for a few days so i can heal. Im gonna miss him like crazy!!

Enough already!

Still about 26 follicles (they didnt give me the less then 12 number) but all 19 are still measuring and i have 16 mature (the other 3 are 12, 13.5, and a 14.5). My doc doesnt want to trigger until i get to day 10 (today) or lead follicle of 22 (im at a 21). I requested to trigger tonight since i dont want to develop OHSS again or overcook these eggs!

waiting and seeing...

u/s#3

WOW - 26 follicles, 19 measurable, 11 mature! E2 is 1557.

This is the most ive ever gotten out of these ovaries! I have 10 on my right and 9 on my left (measurable) curious as to what happens tomorrow. My biggest is a 20.5, im pretty sure ill be at a 22 by tomorrow and we will trigger!

Hoping for three healthy!

u/s#2

My ovaries have been busy! I have 21 follicles, 13 measurable, with 4 mature. My biggest one is a 16 with 3 others btw 15 and 15.5. It seems the are all growing together which is good.

My E2 was 787 which is the higher then the previous 2 cycles.

Going back tomorrow am for another check.

FINGERS CROSSED!!

u/s #1

We got 14 follicles. None are measurable and my e2 is 326 (102, 180). Im hoping that this means ill stim longer and get a good amount of awesome quality eggs.

I go back friday for another check. Im bloated and my ovaries are really sore.

First e2 level

114!!

im happy with that since last cycle it was 76 (which is fine) but im hoping for 1-2 more mature eggs this time around. I had 7 mature last time so im hoping for a good 9 that are good quality. Im not doing acupuncture this time just cause it just "one more thing" and i just dont have the opportuity to really go since im working the next 2 days. I just really want to ignore this cycle as much as i can!

I def feel things working in there. Im hoping to get to monday for egg retrieval so i dont have to take sunday off and to get 9 days of stims in.

Im going back wed. for bloodwork and an ultrasound.

FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Finally Stimming..

It wasnt an easy process to get to this point! As i updated last i had 2 ovarian cysts. This past wednesday the 7th i went in for another baseline to check on them and get another e2 level. The cyst on my left side was gone but the one on my right was now measuring 3.1cm (was 2.5). SO after waiting all day to hear what they were going to do about it, i got the phone call at 4pm telling me i needed surgery to drain it.. the NEXT DAY! My e2 was 161 (down from 329).

So thursday comes and they recheck the cyst before the sugery and it is now 3.3cm...which i guess is pretty big. Ok so the surgery doesnt bother me...i dont mind the anesthia and going to sleep..its the dam IV! It took them 4-5 attempts and after the 3rd try i needed valium because i was shaking and crying. I push everything aside to just get through this all (the shots, the procudeures, the simple fact i even have to go through this, other people getting pregnant and having babies that shouldnt, the stupid comments people make, seeing my kid lonely ect., ect.) so when something doesnt go right ALL of that is lifted and i have a hard time...so i took the valium.

IV is finally in and we get down to business. They drained 30cc of fluid of the cyst which i guess is alot. I had no pain when i woke up just itchiness. So they gave me 50mg benedryl and i was ZONKED! Then my BP dropped and they had to give me a Bolus of fluid. Nothing is easy. I just wanted to go home and i think i must have said that 500 times lol.

So the next day i had to go back and get another e2 drawn. I got my period the day of the surgery so i was hopeful we'd be able to get the show on the road! My e2 was 67 so we were good to go. Today is day 3 of stims and tomorrow morning i go in for bloodowork to see how we are doing in there.

After all this i deserve a nice healthy 37 weeker(s)!! Fingers crossed!!

Cysts! UG!

I knew it! Ever since i started the Lupron 2 weeks ago ive felt like my body was trying to ovulate and ive had the stretchy fertile CM. So the baseline showed 2 cysts...one 12.5mm on the left and a 25mm on the right! So ill most likely stay on the Lupron until they dissapate on their own, which could take 1-2 weeks. Im hoping they will increase my Lupron and start me on Provera to get this going. They are going to call me in the next few hours to let me know what the deal is. I dont care how long i have to wait, i just need the end result to be POSITIVE!!!

Incompentence or Miscommunication?

So tomorrow is the big day to start everything again. Im pretty nuetral (or pushing it all away for protection reasons). I had 2 consults with Dr. P a few weeks ago because i was so undecided and feeling lost on which direction to go in (PGD or no PGD)... She basically gave me a scenerio that what if i went through the IVF and got pregnant and lost the baby and found out it was a genetic abnormality that could have been prevented, how would i feel?

That stuck with me...Pete wants the PGD and Dr P (and not so many words) thinks its the best too. I have the ability to do the testing and its paid for and it worked before so im pretty sure we are going for it again.

So 2 weeks ago i was told id get my plan in a few days (which i knew meant the week of my day 21) so this past monday i still havent heard from them so i called. Thankfully that day i got a call saying my meds were on order. So the pharmacy calls me and the Doxycycline is not ordered and neither is my Medrol. UG!

So i finally got the Doxy on order and they gave me 3 weeks worth not a months worth like she said i needed?? AND no one told me when im suppose to start it! Soooo i had to call them back AGAIN to find all that out.

Then Pete picks up the package and the phamracist says they never got back to her about the Medrol - WTH?! So i called them yesterday after to ask about the Doxy and why the Medrol wasnt in the package. This morning i had a chiro. appt so i missed the call and the nurse said "since you are NOT doing a PGD cycle we dont use Medrol"....WHAT..i was going to use the Medrol either way and i AM doing PGD...so i had to call them yet AGAIN to explain it all to them.

So i dont know if this is Dr. P's fault for not being clear or if the nurses are not reading the notes thouroughly and just going off of how things were last time. All i know is this is frustrating enough and for me to constantly be checking on everything is super annoying.

I still havent heard back from them about the Medrol or about the Doxy....

On the positive day 1 is tomorrow and hopefully a month from today ill be pretty close to having my ER for my lucky number 3 cycle!

Waiting on a plan...

Insurance/Financial people - check
Dr. - check
Appt for sonohystergram - check
waiting for the "plan" - pending

The last 2 days ive been on the phone with just about everybody over at my RE's office to get this cycle started. I had to call financial so they take petes insurance off so they dont know im doing IVF without PGD...but it was already submitted but they told me it wont hurt me if i decide not to use the PGD but i use it later on (hopefully i wont have to).

Dr. P said i could do another SHG to "ease my mind" which i feel like is going to be just fine but i feel like i have to do it to cover all my bases.

Dr. P knows im not doing PGD and i didnt get a call with her saying "are you sure???" so im guessing she understands my decision.

The coordinator called me today and said shes just waiting for Dr. P to get back to her with a plan so hopefully ill know more by the end of the week.

So honestly, im having a real hard time shaking this off. I went into this thinking "we know what worked for Jack so we'll do it again and all will be good"....this chemical pregnancy really is messig with my head!

One more pregnancy...if it ends, then i think i may be done.

NOT GIVING UP!!!

OK so its officially over...started bleeding and cramping today. Had to call out of work and spent the day on the couch with my wonderful 2 year old (again...thank god for him!)

So the consult on Wednesday...

When i first walked in she said to me "i hope this doesnt deter you"...and "i know you were really upset"...Well, obviously! When you are giving yourself 3 shots a day going in for appointments almost everyday, doing acupuncture, eating a whole pineapple, having your beloved child be away from home for 4 nights in a week, and wishing, hoping and praying every second of the day....then to hear it worked and then moments later learn its all coming crashing down?...im pretty sure ANYBODY would be upset!

So we talked about a bunch of things.

Trying on our own - we can but its not ideal. With the chance of ectopic and probably having miscarraige after miscarriage isnt my idea of a good time. So that got checked off rather quickly.

IVF/PGD - Im PISSED i had a miscarriage with the PGD and now im pretty much jaded by it. Theres a 10-15% chance of putting back in embryos that are abnormal or you are throwing out embies that are normal. You can have a miscarraige even IF your baby is normal. I had put in 7 embryos over the course of all these cycle and i have one baby. It doesnt make sense to me! I truly feel like these embies are being manipulated too much and cant "recover" enough to keep going. I feel that if i put jack in without PGD id still have him. So after much debate with myself and pete we decided no more PGD.

Just IVF - the winner. We are going to put in the best FOUR embryos on day 3....yes FOUR. Or put back all the blasts on day 5. I need to weigh those pros and cons again with her. She seemed to lean towards the day 3 transfer because they are back in thier natural enviroment sooner.

Some other changes: Going on 2cc's of Progesterone right away since my prog is always under 20 at my check. Im staying on the same dose of Follistim (180). We are doing a months worth of Doxycyline (both pete and I) since i tested + for Mycoplasma and Endometritis before i had Jack...so she said instead of doing another biopsy of my lining shes just going to treat it. And shes putting me on Medrol for 4 days after egg retrieval (it suppresses the immune system) so my immune system doesnt think the baby is a foriegn invader. And im also going to get another sonohystergram to check the lining of my uterus....again.

Whew, get all that?

I called today and told them today is my DAY 1 so in 3 weeks i should start back up with the Lupron. And Egg retrieval will be in April.

The one good thing about not doing PGD is i can hop right into another cycle instead of waiting until May. I need this to all be done and over with.

:::fingers crossed::::

Ug...

Dropped to 34. No more PIO, now i wait. I go Wed for a consult and next monday for a repeat beta.

This is not fun and im in a deep funk :(

Why?!

My beta dropped to 58...by some rare chance it could be a vanishing twin so i have to go back sunday for another beta and stay on my progesterone just for pure torture.

Im devasted but ill be OK.

Everything happens for a reason....it worked before it will work again.

Breakdown..

So maybe im jumping the gun but im pretty sure this is over...

I took another test this morning and it seems lighter to me.

Ive been holding everything in for 24 hours but i broke down this morning and started BAWLING! Poor Jack just came over to me and hugged me and stayed with me until i pulled myself together. Im crying now..

I just feel like WHAT THE FUCK! Im a good mom, a good person, a have a job, a house, a husband who is a FAB Dad....why does this have to be so hard for US??!

This is NOT FAIR!

I really hope im wrong and tomorrow they call me with a super high number.

I Guess i just have to WAIT and see.

Too good to be true?

So my beta today (15dpo) was a whooping 69...

I dot have much hope. The doctor seemed happy with it, but it was so much higher with Jack (261 @ 16dpo).

So now we wait (again) until Friday.

How can this be happening with PGD?!

It's Darker..

YAY!! Now if only my shoulder would stop bothering me! But i really do think its muscular.

So i didnt finished telling my "how i found out" post.

After i peed on the stick, Jack was in the bathroom with me and he wanted to wash his hands so i helped him do that, after we were finished i picked up the test and it was clearly positive...i whispered to Jack "im pregnant" and he just looked at me and said "yeah?". I told him to bring the test out to Gaga (daddy) and he did but he dropped it and was too concerned about which "roar" he was going to play with,lol. So i pickeditupand gave it to Pete and said..."we're gonna have another baby...theres 2 lines" He looked at it and said "yup, i see them"...we hugged i told him "Congratulations" (inside joke)....

Ikinda feelbad that i didnt jump up and down and cry and the whole bit like i did with Jack. Im still in caution mood. Im super excited though, i'll jump,scarem and cry when i walkout of the ultrasound room and everything is A-OK!!

Oh and my gut is its only one...and that its a boy (lol) :)

So I cheated...

and its POSITIVE!!!!!

im still being cautious until the betas (which isnt til wednesday anf friday). If they are doubling appropraitly then ill sigh some relief, but i wont feel 100% until the ultrasound which, most likely will be in 2 weeks or so.

We spent the day at my SIL's and when we got home i asked Pete if i should take a test tonight. He said he didnt want to be staring at the test wondering is or isnt there a line...but then he said "yeah, lets just do it"....he wasnt going to be around tomorrow and i wanted to know before tuesday b/c Jack sleeps at my moms every other tuesday and i wouldnt have wanted him gone if it was neg.

So, anyways, Jack followed me into the bathroom and i figured "why not, he'll be my lucky charm"...so i peed on it and as soon as it hit the test window i could tell it was going to be positive. Its not a dark but you can tell there is 2 lines without bending and twisting it until the light (and its only 2 days before my period and it was about 5pm)..Ill take another test tomorrow morning just to see if the line gets darker and to ease my nerves :)

So yeah, look like this worked :) THANK YOU!!!

Valentines :)

3 years ago today i heard Jack heartbeat for the very first time :)

Pete made me chocolate covered strawberries, Jack handprint in the form of a heart and i got 2 pandora charms (jacks birthstone and mother of pearl hearts). I love them <3 ...i do feel like a jerk because i only got pete reeses hearts because i didnt think we were doing anything (plus whatever i DO buy him, he returns, so forget it!)

So symptoms wise im getting pretty nervous. Today i started having some left shoulder pain (symptom of an ectopic )...im really hoping it all in my head..plus i dont even know if i am pregnant or not....if if i were wouldnt it be too early to feel that? ...

Otherwise, im pretty crampy at night...actually they really arent "cramps" its more like a sharp ache. I also am noticing im peeing alot more then usual. And my boobs are still on/off sore.

I think i may get a test today since im nervous about this shoulder pain. If i am pregnant they are going to do a ultrasoud around 5 weeks to make sure everything is where it should be.

Fingers crossed....

People are excited...

So i went back to work thursday (and this is something you basically can't hide when you need time off and your bringing in coolers with medication in it, so everyone knows). Plus, im the type of person who talks about it cause if i didnt, itd be alot harder to go through. I have patients whose families dont know they are going through it...thats just crazy to me!

Anyways i tell people how everything went, how everything was right on...and everyone gets all excited "Your gonna have TWINS!!!", or "OMG, all BOOYYYS!, How fun", or my fave is "Your preggo, yay!" ummm...no thats not how it works, i dont know if i am... YET. I know that 90% of women fortunately dont have issues/problems in this area so i have a select few who really know how much this sucks and how superstitious i am with everything.

I Love my job, i really do and i dont plan on leaving for a very long time. But, its a hard enviroment to be around in these circumstances (im a post-partum nurse)....but luckily, i ve have completely normal couples the past couples nights...no crack addicts or homeless prostitutes THANK GOD!

But mentally im doing fine. Of course im noticing EVERY twitch. Everyday its most been slight pulling more on my right side with my boobs being slightly sore, my aereolas are def darker and i have those mongomery tubucles (i totally butchered that spelling). Last night at work my hips were very uncomfortable along with my ribs and i was SO bloated i could have POPPED...i had a salad for dinner so its not like i ate crap...

So 4 more days...i went to target and Stop and shop yesterday and i didnt buy a test...theres also a Dollar Store in that plaza..talk about good self control!

How you feeling?

I love when people ask me "So, do you FEEL pregnant?"....for someone who has been pregnant 6 ttimes youd think id know...

So speaking of that ive been wicked superstitious on telling anyone my symptoms...im not even talking to Pete about anything (he's not really asking, he just knows it been past 7 days since ER...If you know what i mean lol).

But im posting symptoms here b/c i feel like this site is my personal journal reguarding this so if i have to go through this again (which im hoping is NOT the case)...i know what happened, when.

So Sunday was the transfer ...the only thing i felt that day was anxiety (what if this doesnt work?...and like i felt all the anxiety i was keeping at bay came to a head.

Monday (1dp5dt) i felt some twinges in the uterus and my bb's were sore
Tuesday (2dp5dt) some definite pulling, feeling it on the right side more then the left but the left has some activity...these twinches feels more like burning or pulling then cramping...oh one wave of nausea
Wednesday (3dp) Twinches still apparent in the morning with some sore ladies (mostly shooting pains).

Im really hoping the twinges/burning/pulling sensations is implantation. The boys were both hatching when they were transferred in so im thinking they would be adhereing to the uterus by monday....

They called me today with my prog level 16.6...which im not concerned about, it was 19 with Jack and i didnt take my Prog before i went in like last time ( it was 115 last cycle and that was a big ole negative)..ive learnt not to trust in the Prog. levels, but i have to increase my meds to 2cc's now...same thing i had to do with Jack.

Im all pineappled out but i still have about 20 pieces left...the whole core is gone though and thats the most important part...and ive been eating brazil nuts...i also did acupuncture on monday.

I did everything i could, so if this doesnt work then its just bad luck.

Transfer complete!!

We transferred 2 healthy baby boys this morning. Dr. P came in, which was so great of her! It took them a little bit to get into my cervix but it was pretty easy after that. Both boys were hatching blasts which is the best possible stage...im so psyched!!! Now they just need to implant and stick for the next 35 or so weeks!!

My beta is 2/17

Im feeling good right now. A little anxious but i think anyone would be giving the circumstances.

PGD results!!

We have 2 healthy!!!! and they are BOYS!!!! :)

Dr. P called me this morning to let me know we prob wouldnt know the results until late tonight because of the snow storm but she called me around 5pm to give me the results. Im so happy but ill be alot more relived once these little buggas are inside me!!

Transfer is 9:15am tomorrow. Hopefully both are still growing normally and all is well.

oh, do i hope this works!!

Day 3 progress

All 7 were shipped off for PGD testing.

Today they should be 4-8 cells.

we have:

1 4 cell
5 8 cells
1 10 cell

We should hear if any are healthy tomorrow night.

Cell counts

Welp folks we got 100% fertilization!! That has never happened to us before! So we now have 7 in the running and all will be shipped out for PGD testing tomorrow!

so here's the breakdown (they should be 2-4 cells right now)

1- 2 cell
5- 4 cell
1 - 5 cell

I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest when i called.

Please let this work!! :::yes, im begging:::

The Report

12 eggs, 7 able to be ICSI'd and 6 have fertilized. I told myself if we had 5 or more id be happy. So 6 is good, very good since only 7 were able to have a shot in the first place. I call again tomorrow at 2 for thier progress. Im hoping all are dividing normally! ( and that they are healthy).

Im feeling OK. Definately still sore. Ive been taking Tyl #3's and thats been helping. The first PIO shot was today and that was fine. Im so numb from all these shots i can barely feel them anymore.

Jack is back home, i missed him :)

Egg Retrieval #4

...and hopefully my last!!

We arrived at 7am on the dot and their was a line of people waiting to check in! It was us and one another couple waiting for ER. The nurse i used to work with came out and got me and i was glad i was going to have a familiar face in pre and post-op. I went in and changed into my jonnies and walked out into the hall and Dr. P was there!! She came in just to do my retrieval! LOVE HER!! The nrse told me later shes only seen her come in do that one other time for someone.

So it took 3 attempts to get the IV in and they finally found a spot in the inner aspect of my wrist..ouch! So i got wheeled in at 8am and woke about 9am and we got 12 eggs! I was hoping for 12-15 so 12 is good. Dr. P came out and said she hoped 10 or so were mature since they were in some nice big follicles. I'll find out tomorrow between 2 and 4.

Let the waiting begin...

u/s #4 and triggering

so my e2 for the 3rd check was 1374!! '

My u/s yesterday showed around 23 follicles (the nurse said there "multiple" little(r) ones under 12 - doesnt she know im anal and i NEED to know exactly what "multiple" means?! lol but anyway 14 are measurable follicles and they are ranging from 12-24mm...3 of these are not mature but should be by tomorrow am.

I triggered last night at 730pm and my retrieval is 7am tomorrow morning (im the first one). I also went to acupuncture yesterday. And my e2 was 1743 yesterday. Im bloated, drinking gatorade and so ready for the next step!!!

wish me luck!!!

Another extra day

I was shocked by this but i guess Dr. P changed he plan to me having a lead follicle measuring 22 before i trigger and im at a 21 right now so one more day..

Today i still had 23 follicles with 11 above 12mm...with 10 mature. Im very interested to see whats going to happened with 2 extra days under my belt.

forgot to ask about my e2 level, ill get it tomorrow.

Extra day :)

Because my kid is super cute im thowing in some recent pics :)

Well this is the longest i ever stimmed and im hoping it gives us more/better quality eggs. So today we are at 23 follicles....10 are 12mm and above (most are 14-18) i have one that is a 19.5. And i have 13 that are less then 12mm. It'll be interesting to see what happens tomorrow.

Dr. P doesnt want me to trigger until i have a follicle which is 20 or greater so it most likely looks like tomorrow night i will trigger and have ER on monday.

I had to take Jack with me this morning which i felt horrible about but i only saw 2 other women, i just hope it didnt make them sad. He was so good though and everyone was smitten over him :) The whole time i was getting my ultrasound he was saying "i want roar", "i want home", "i want boof (juice)"...u get the idea lol!!

Oh, my e2 was 643 today, which im happy about...hoping for around 1000 tomorrow.

Whats cooking??

Well we have 17 follicles baking. 8 are measurable with 9 around 11mm (12mm "counts"). My e2 was 180 (102) last time so we are on a better track then last cycle. I go back friday for another u/s and b/w.

I had acupuncture last night and the guy who did it was an OB! so i felt like i knew what he was doing! I still dont like the needles going in, there are some spots that are sensetive but if this is going to help, im all for it!

Bloodwork

Went in today E2 is 76 (85 last time) so im almost identical from last cycle. Hoping to get one more day in of stimming this time so i hopefully have 2 healthy embies to transfer. Going for acupuncture tomorrow and u/s and E2 check wednesday.

Stimmming!

Finally!

I got my period wednesday. I went in for my second baseline on thursday with a very heavy flow (so embarassing). When i walked in i saw an old co-worker and she was suppose to do my u/s (great!)...she politely asked if i wanted someone else to do it (yes, please). But the nurse who walked in barely talked to me (really, slap on a fake smile and do some small talk). Whatever (can u tell ive been on Lupron for 3 weeks?).

So we got the OK, my lining was a 4, i didnt ask what my E2 was but we're finally onto the next step. This is when things get going...woo0hoo!! :) So im on 5u Lupron in the a.m. and 175u of Follistim in the evening.

I go back Monday for bloodwork and Tuesday for acupuncture.

Yes, im doing acupuncture this time. I did it with my first cycle trying for Jack and it felt like just something else i had to do and it was very relaxing (i dont think the girl knew much about IVF and acu.). This guy comes highly recommended (ive taken care few pt who have used him...one who did a frozen transfer and got twins!).

Im hopeful this time...anxious too. I just really want this.

Baseline #1

So still no period, im hoping to get in this weekend if its on time since i know i O'd Saturdayish.

So here are the details...

Lining is 8.8 (needs to be 7 or below to start stims)
E2 - dont know yet
and i have 10 follicles in the ovaries

Im sticking with the 10u of Lupron and most likely going back next week once i get my period.

Here we goooooo!

Finally got the call yesterday with my dates.

Starting my Lupron 1/2

baseline 1/14

starting stims on the 15th

egg retrieval 1/24

I have a feeling i will be pushed back a bit since i dont think i O'd yet so i most likely will not have my period at my baseline (this has happened to me every cycle) My guess is ill have egg retrieval around the 28th.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! :)